In home vs daycare center (long)

[7costanza]

First, I'm having a really hard time with the thought of going back to work in November, but unfortunately we need two incomes so any stories about how your infant loves daycare and still loves you would be very much appreciated. I know it's crazy, but I'm so worried my baby is going to love the daycare provider more than me since I'll be away from him 55 hours a week.

Due to my H's schedule, we only need care 3 days a week. We have a spot in a really great center near our house for $1200/month. That is the full time rate, they don't offer part time. If we go with an in home daycare the PT rate would be about $600/month. We are visiting 3 in-homes today and will need to decide. Just looking at the money, it seems like a no-brainier to go with in-home but I am really reluctant because I always went to them as a child and remember hating it, and at one especially bad one my sister was likely sexually abused. I have a vivid memory of her screaming while the provider folded up her security blanket right in front if her when she was probably about one as punishment, which just breaks my heart. I'm also worried because he won't take a bottle right now (he last took one 2 weeks ago, he's 8 weeks now), and loves to be held and I don't know how someone watching older kids too will be able to hold him all the time. I spent the better part of yesterday crying because my H suggested I start exclusively pumping since I will barely be with the baby when I go back to work (not happening!) and I'm just so sad at the thought of leaving him, even though I know me working is what's best for our family.

This ended up getting long and rambling, but I'm looking for input from moms who have had to make this choice and can offer some reassurances.

[Deleted]

((Hugs)). First, I just want to say that it will work out. Getting ready to return to work is emotional and it is normal to worry that no one will care for your child the way that you do, and honestly, no one will. But, that's not to say they won't be wonderful caregivers.

I can't tell you which childcare option to choose because I really believe you have to trust your gut in this situation. I will say we chose a center because I liked that there were multiple people overseeing things and it was just what I was most comfortable with. However, I know a lot of people prefer in home care for young infants. You really just have to trust your instincts. Which provider are you most comfortable with?

My son has been in daycare full time since 6 months and he has always been excited to see me when I pick him up. You will always be his mama! We were also able to continue nursing until he self weaned a few weeks ago. He hated the bottle, and I had to keep trying different ones until I found one he liked.

[7costanza]

I'm on the app so can't figure out how to edit, but want to add that I know all in-homes aren't as bad as the one my sister was abused at (obviously), and I hope I didn't come across as judgmental of them. I'm just a crazy, hormonal mess right now, lol.

[Deleted]

I think there are upsides and downsides to both. Ultimately I went with a center. I had some of the same concerns. My baby loves to be rocked to sleep. I also thought she would be sitting in a corner crying while they tended to other babies. I can tell you none of this is true.

My center has a calm to it. Yeah babies cry every so often but I have never gone in there and seen any in full meltdown including my own. DD has been there 4 months and she has learned so much. She is the youngest in her class and I think she is learning from the older kids. They are all under 1. I also like that she has different techers and gets different interactions throughout the day. They also have lesson plans and a more structured environment which was more what i was looking for.

She gets plenty of snuggles during the day but at the same time has learned great interaction with other kids so she doesnt need to be babied all day. I really went with my gut on this and i think it is one of the best decisions I made.

You will make the best choice for your child - center or in home.

[galaxy8227]

I had the same fears about DS loving his DCP more than me when I was getting ready to drop him off the first time. He does love them but he knows I'm his Mama and he still loves me best. We do an at home daycare and I personally liked that better than a center. But I agree that you have to trust your gut when you pick a place for your child--we knew this place was right for us and it was the best decision we've made.

[ryry]

I think you have to see the in homes before you write them off, and then don't make a decision based solely on money. And trust your gut!

DD1 is at an in-home now and has been since she was 1.5, and it's a great place for her. DD2 is starting there next week and I'm a nervous wreck about it, because I can't wrap my head around an infant there since I've only experienced a toddler at this daycare. I'm going with DD2 to just hang out for a while this afternoon and see how I feel about it for DD2.

Also....your husbands suggestion to EP is ridiculous. I can't imagine spending the little time I'll have with my baby once I go back pumping, cleaning bottles, etc, unless I absolutely have to. sometimes husbands are clueless.

[dottyblue]

Hugs. It's such a hard decision, but my only advice is to go with your gut. Now and later. If you feel in 3 months like something is off beyond the adjustment period, then you should reevaluate. But you will both adjust without issue, I promise!

We went with an in home daycare. Two providers and 6 kids. I spoke with all 5 of the other parents before we made the decision to go with this daycare and they had nothing but good to say. No violations (beyond not having the enough of a certain size bandaid in the first aid kit, LOL) and seeing a group of really happy kids when we went to visit solidified the deal. My DS is nothing but grins when we walk to daycare. He's all giggles in the morning when I hand him over to one provider. He gives kisses to both providers each morning. It's so obvious that he's happy. Good luck making your decision!

[pugz]

It is hard to choose a daycare and totally normal to be emotional. We needed part time care as well and that excluded pretty much all centers since I don't have set days off and they wanted me to commit to certain days. Initially found a center that said they would accommodate but at the end of my leave they changed their mind. We lost our deposit and found an in home daycare.

We have a local service that you can call to get a list of licensed providers. So I called them, got a list for the ones in the area I wanted, and then I talked to a bunch on the phone/via email and visited 2-3. The first one we visited she had 3 other kids, two of which were twins just two months older than my daughter. I didn't like the idea of one adult to that many babies. The one we ended up going with my daughter is the only baby. Next oldest kid is almost 3. She's been doing daycare for 30 years and has a great set up at her house with a playroom and a separate room for naps. Since mine is the only baby she gets tons of snuggles and one on one time and she LOVES the big kids and they love playing with her. Downside is no "curriculum" and there is maybe more screen time than I would like in an ideal world. However the care she gets is top notch and it is $40 per day as opposed to the $60 a day the center was going to charge us.

I think you'll know when it's the right place for your kid. Good luck.

[jenjen]

I'm so sorry you are feeling bad about going to work/daycare. We chose a center because I didn't want someone dictating when I took vacations and we are going full time. It seems in homes often take vacations near Xmas, spring break and other school holidays. I don't have a need to take spring break off with an infant and needed something where I know I only have to worry about them closing for weather (snow).

I would not EP except, bf when you are together and pump when you are away.

I can't see how old your LO is but it's hard to see how much babies love daycare. However, as they get older, mine loves playing with his friends. He did not want to leave the other day so we stayed an extra 15 minutes to play!

[7costanza]

Sept 23, 2013 8:39:23 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

Is there any way you can find another center that will do part time?

There is one center near us that does PT, there's a waiting list but we are going to visit today.

Thank you, everyone for the encouraging words. This is so stressful, and it's helpful to know others have faced the same issues.

[IrishBelle]

((Hugs)) It is tough but trust your gut and go with what feels best for you. If that means that you continue paying the FT rate for the center that you already have and love, then that's what you do.

I've never used a center but lucked out and had two great in home providers. Oldest DD went to the first one for 4 years from the time I went back to work until she went to school. It was a very loving home environment and even though my daughter is now 8, she still talks about this woman with fond memories. Unfortunately, by the time I went back to work with my second this woman moved on to other work or I would have used her again. The provider I use now for my younger DD is great too.

[leshoequeen]

Awww, hugs to you. I feel your pain. It will get better. There are many days when I pick my kids up and I can see how much fun they are having with the other kids but they still love me just the same. Nothing can break that bond you have with your child.

The home vs. daycare center is tough. I have someone I know personally as an in-home provider, but if I didn't, I would go with the center. I feel that there are more people watching the children in the center vs. home and that more sets of eyes on the children can never be a bad thing.

[docholly]

I think both in home and a center have pros and cons, With a center you have more eyes on you LO, and you don't have to worry about your provider being closed due to illness. With in home, you can have more flexibility. I like my center, but if they accepted have excepted part-time I would have looked elsewhere.

[pescalita]

I had the same freak out when A was about that age. It really helped me to visit the in-homes, that made them feel like care providers rather than strangers I'd picked off the Internet, and it was immediately apparent where we were comfortable and where we were not.

The pros to in-home for us were a home-like environment, mixed ages, infant ratios (while ratios are larger overall, they'll only have 1-2 infants, where a center may be 1:4 all infants), and yes, cost.

As long as I feel comfortable from a safety and emotional aspect, I don't mind considering cost. That extra money in the budget benefits them as well. For us, we didn't see the cost benefit to a center, and chose to use that money elsewhere.

A adores daycare. This morning dad told him it was time to go and he waved me goodbye with a smile. He marches right in to his friends and doesn't even turn around.

[hski2349]

The best advice is to visit in home and centers and figure out what your are comfortable with. Go with your gut on what feels right.

I think there are pros and cons about both. I went to both as a kid. We picked a center for DD. I was more comfortable with a center due to the oversite and structure for different ages. That being said, I would consider an in-home care provider if it were the right situation. I went to an in-home when I was in elementary school and the lady who ran is like my second mom. Many of the kids who went there talk about it being the best memories as a kid.

[hski2349]

Also, DD loves her teachers and her friends in her center. It sounds like they have a ton of fun.

[Deleted]

It really depends on the center and on the in home. My DS went to an in home who was wonderful and had a very structured daycare with preschool activities, took them on field trips, and treated them like they were her own.

[froggy76]

You will find a place that feels like the right fit. Don't worry. DD absolutely loves her daycare and talks about her teacher on the weekends. But, she still knows who her mommy is and loves me. It has never really bothered me that DD loves her teachers so much... I figure, the more people she has in her life who love and care for her, the better.

[7costanza]

Just wanted to give an update after visiting the in-homes and potential PT center this morning. I'm glad we visited both types, and DH and I agreed that we are much more comfortable with the centers, so we are going to start him in the FT center 3 days a week, and likely move him to the PT center when a spot opens. It's still more expensive than in-home, but less than the FT center.

I am still dreading returning to work but I feel like a weight has been lifted. thank you all!!

[auberge]

Ditto everyone on trusting your gut.

We went with a center because we were too paranoid for in home care. It worked out well for us. Can you look in to another center that does PT?

[GracieLouFreebush1]

It gets better, I promise. I think the anticipation of daycare was worse than the reality. Now, at 2, DD LOVES daycare and talks about her friends and teachers. She still lights up and runs to me when I pick her up every day though. They know who mommy and daddy are! I'm also amazed at how much she learns at daycare, it's awesome.