Peeps with older kids (Mags? Others?)

[formerlyak]

I think I posted on here that my ds will be switching schools in the fall to the one closer to our new house. I tried to get a permit to keep him at his old school (same district, different neighborhood), but the school is impacted and the permit was denied. Good news about the new school -- it is the top rated school in our district and top 5 in our area. And, unlike his old school, it feeds into the much better middle school in our district. So education wise, this is not a bad thing. And he knows a few people at the new school from our neighborhood and from preschool.

Here's the question. I have noticed that the kids we know from the new school are a lot rougher -- more "boy" like than ds and his current friends. Many are older, and I am sure that is part of it. Last night, we had a pot luck in our neighborhood and ds was playing with a lot of the bigger boys. I was proud of him for going outside his comfort zone with the rough play (just typical wrestling on the grass and whacking each other with balls or nerf frisbees kind of stuff). The bigger boys were good about including him and then when they got rougher, they'd make sure he was off to the side so he didn't get hurt. But he just keeps trying to get in the mix. You can tell he really just wants to fit in and find his way. But, since I know he isn't really into that rough play, it was a little awkward. I can't tell if they don't want him around or if they are just trying to get him to play like them. When we left, one of them put his arm around ds and said bye to him. It's almost like a sibling relationship in that way. They playfully tease him and rough him up and then hug him bye.

He is very social at his current school and has a ton of friends. I have talked to the teachers about this and they say he doesn't really do that at school and all the kids love playing with him and that I am worrying for nothing. I know he just needs to find his own way in our new neighborhood and at his new school, but as a mom watching him navigate this new world when he was so comfortable in his old world is really hard.

So, my question to those of you with older kids ... is this "finding my way" phase pretty common for younger elementary kids? My parents said they remember all the kids in our neighborhood, including me and my brother, going through it. Anything you found to be helpful when your kids went through it?

Thanks.

[blackkitty]

My son is almost 7 and he switched schools when we moved in September (to a new state). He also has a disability that makes social interactions much more difficult for him which compounded it too. But with all that he's done really well. I really don't know that I would do much in your situation unless he has a concern he shares with you. Like I helped my son when some kids were being mean to him, but it doesn't sound like that is the case with your son, he's just "finding his way" as you put it. It's a good lesson to teach kids too and helps them deal with change and be resilient in the long run I think.

[doriswe]

I think this is pretty normal. My DS is 8 and will do whatever the kids around him are doing. He's pretty good at playing with different groups in different ways (he can carefully play with my friend's 2 year old, is rough and tumbly with his soccer friends and can be cool about hanging with his older sister and her friends, when they let him). I think kids this age can be pretty flexible and fit into most groups easily.

I usually just remind him of our rules of play (no hitting, name calling, etc.) before he engages with other kids and if he does something he's not supposed to, I call him away from the group and remind him of our rules.

[Deleted]

My kids have moved around a bit...3 school districts and all very different.
Kids adapt, much better than we give them credit for. ALL kids are not rougher in his school although it may seem that way to you right now. I can guarantee that there are all types of kids in that new school and he WILL find a group he fits in with. some kids have an easier time than others, but he will find new friends fairly quickly.
You should also talk to the counselor in the building, she may have some groups she can get him in where he can meet new kids.
If he sees you worrying about this he will worry also, never let him see you sweat!
Get him to join some after school activities as well. The more ways he can meet new kids the better.
You aren't going to like all the new kids, but have faith in him that he will weed them out.

[formerlyak]

Jun 22, 2012 11:11:12 GMT -5 mags said:

My kids have moved around a bit...3 school districts and all very different.
Kids adapt, much better than we give them credit for. ALL kids are not rougher in his school although it may seem that way to you right now. I can guarantee that there are all types of kids in that new school and he WILL find a group he fits in with. some kids have an easier time than others, but he will find new friends fairly quickly.
You should also talk to the counselor in the building, she may have some groups she can get him in where he can meet new kids.
If he sees you worrying about this he will worry also, never let him see you sweat!
Get him to join some after school activities as well. The more ways he can meet new kids the better.
You aren't going to like all the new kids, but have faith in him that he will weed them out.

Thank you everyone for the responses so far.

As far as getting involved in the new school, I've done a lot so far. We have started meeting one of the old preschool friends and his mom up at the school playground on weekends for them to play. His best friend from old school is good friends with a few kids that will be in his class at the new school, so that mom is going to arrange a park day for ds to meet the kids they know from the new school. We started to become active in the Cub Scout troop for the new school -- he isn't old enough to join until the fall, but they have been inviting him to some of their big meetings/celebrations and their summer activities since they know he is interested. I switched him to the soccer league that more kids from new school play in. I joined the PTA at new school already and have volunteered to help with one of the projects for new year; I figured if I got involved, he'd see me being invested in the new school and take my lead. We also found out the new school has a daily running club before -- we had a weekly one at the old school that he loved, so he is excited about running club and we can do that together. This weekend, one of the moms we know at new school organized a beach day for kids going into first grade and included us so we can meet some more kids. DS is with his dad this weekend, but he said he'd take him. So we are trying to get active at the new school like we were at the old school ...

[doriswe]

I think you are doing all the right things and he'll be just fine!!