Psychological Issues with Weight Loss?

[starryfish]

This is actually a pretty common problem for people that have lost a lot of weight...therapy is good. I am not sure about actual book recommendations though...maybe have her start a journal?

[Bernadine]

I don't have any advice, but if her current counselor isn't able to help, she might want to try someone else.

[liubotflittyfud]

MCC-- I have dealt with this first hand. Since I lost my first bit of weight right after graduating high school I have on and off lost/gained/lost 100lbs total. It's HARD seeing yourself as others see you. I still look in the mirror and am blown away by the person looking back at me. It's fairly difficult to understand when you don't see yourself from a 3rd person perspective daily.

To this day I don't think I'm good enough. I mean I am better now. I know I am healthy and can wear "normal" sizes and shop in "normal" stores without having a huge problem anymore, but it's SO hard to break that mindset because when you are heavy and I mean not a few lbs overweight, but OBESE, you are kind of considered an outcast in some ways. People will isolate you and if they don't on purpose, you actually pick up where they do. Like being the bridesmaid in a bridal party of skinny girls, you have to get your dress special ordered, pay more because of more fabric, etc, and some of those girls will side eye you, either out of feeling sympathy/empathy, or just because they're thankful they're not in that situation. There will always be someone in school growing up to make you feel like less of a person because you are different and it's extremely difficult to want to fit in and feel ostracized.

Therapy is a huge help. Having a family and friend support system totally rules too. It took me a long time to understand that I am okay now. I am not that person anymore but I still see myself as "big".

This book: This Is Who I Am: Our Beauty in All Shapes and Sizes by Rosanne Olson is really great. The stories of the women are lovely and inspiring and it really does put into perspective that different is the same and everyone has something to embrace and make beautiful.

[trafficgirl]

Jun 22, 2012 14:03:39 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Specifically, she said she is very self conscious. She had always identified as a "big girl" and even though she's still about 200 lbs, she feels like she is lost. She's been seeing a therapist who specializes in obesity. She said it was never about being obese, rather she starting losing the weight so she wouldn't have health problems. Now she doesn't feel like herself. ... Now that she is thinner and more physically attractive to other people, she feels ugly.

I don't have any book recs, but thought I'd chime in with some additional thoughts that may help you better understand what your friend is feeling.

I wanted to specifically address what I quoted. While I'm not skinny now, my weight has fluctuated a lot since high school. When going through my divorce I lost over 50lbs, weighing about 180 and was quite fit, the most in shape I had been probably my entire adult life. (For reference I'm about 5'8", so 180 wasn't that far off from the "ideal" weight range for me).

Like you're friend though, I still thought of myself as a "big girl". I felt INCREDIBLY self conscious, like more of the inside me was exposed since the weight wasn't shielding me anymore.

Another thing I found is that people (particularly guys) noticed me more, which was really hard to get used. In middle school through college, and even a bit beyond I had received mostly negative attention from guys (some girls too). You start to associate any attention with negativity, so getting more attention (even if it's positive) can be unnerving.

It's truly like you're living a different life, and that's a hard thing to adjust to. I'm glad your friend is in therapy at least - I started going because of my divorce and now most of the sessions revolve around my weight issues. Good luck to her (and you).

[trafficgirl]

Jun 22, 2012 15:15:35 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

I am very fortunate that she feels close enough to open up to me because weight was something that I've only heard her discuss once before.

It says a lot about what a great friend you are that she is willing to talk to you. In my experience, people who are overweight don't bring up weight issues with friends or family members who don't have the same issues (or who they think don't have the same issues) for fear of being judged. At least I never did - the risk of being hurt, even with some of my closest friends, was too high. My guess is this is the reason you've hardly heard her discuss it before this.

I also wanted to say, while I had and still have weight issues (and am definitely needing to lose weight to be healthier), therapy has really helped me understand my own part in my things, as well as made me a happier, more whole person. Given what you've said, and assuming she sticks with it, I'm thinking the same will be true for your friend.

[liubotflittyfud]

Jun 22, 2012 15:34:18 GMT -5 trafficgirl said:

Jun 22, 2012 15:15:35 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

I am very fortunate that she feels close enough to open up to me because weight was something that I've only heard her discuss once before.

It says a lot about what a great friend you are that she is willing to talk to you. In my experience, people who are overweight don't bring up weight issues with friends or family members who don't have the same issues (or who they think don't have the same issues) for fear of being judged. At least I never did - the risk of being hurt, even with some of my closest friends, was too high. My guess is this is the reason you've hardly heard her discuss it before this.

I also wanted to say, while I had and still have weight issues (and am definitely needing to lose weight to be healthier), therapy has really helped me understand my own part in my things, as well as made me a happier, more whole person. Given what you've said, and assuming she sticks with it, I'm thinking the same will be true for your friend.

This. All of this. :Y:

[kellbell191]

Has she been tested for ADD? It's very commonly linked to issues with over eating and can also cause crises of self confidence.

[liubotflittyfud]

Jun 22, 2012 17:08:48 GMT -5 kellbell191 said:

Has she been tested for ADD? It's very commonly linked to issues with over eating and can also cause crises of self confidence.

I'm not saying that I am against this, but I feel there are many reasons for obesity that don't have to do with ADD.

In my case, food consoled me. I didn't have a great family life. I had a family, but it was by far dysfunctional to the extreme and I was neglected. It was the only thing that made me feel control in my life. I controlled my happiness with snacks. Delicious made me feel happy. Food was my friend. It's very sad actually.

As I got older, the neglect from my childhood turned into many more control issues. I dealt with bulemia, and not eating for days at a time. Then I excessively exercised to feel in charge. I could tell you right off the bat though, I was focused so ADD was not an issue.

I'm not attacking your opinion by any means. I was just saying that there are many factors resulting in insecure feelings.