Donor issues

[clickerish]

I am going to vent slightly.

Up until a couple of months ago, my wife insisted on a donor she knew. We had him picked out, planned on it and everything. We were just waiting for a couple of things to fall into place before we went ahead.

Now she's talking about using a bank. I'm having a hard time handling this switch because budget-wise it is a huge deal. I handle the major budget issues and also have a far better idea than she what it costs to undertake this. She is under the impression it will be a few hundred max. Is there anything I can do or some place I can send her so that at least she will realise WHY I am a little hesitant about this new route? Having babies is expensive!

[kershnic]

Why not sit with her and look at the websites of some sperm banks? They all publish prices. One vial will run you about $600 to $700 plus shipping and all that jazz.

However, I personally feel this is a bad decision to make because of money. This is half your child's genetics. Its the potential for a custody battle or identity issues due to an anonymous donor or so many other things. There are pros and cons of all the ways, but I'd really reccomend making a decision based on these other things.

Good luck. This is a really tough decision and its hard when you think you've decided and your wife changes her mind.

[ct]

Jun 22, 2012 18:22:43 GMT -5 kershnic said:

However, I personally feel this is a bad decision to make because of money. This is half your child's genetics.

I agree with this. Whenever I started to get annoyed at the cost of donor sperm I just reminded myself that if we couldn't afford sperm, we couldn't afford a baby.

[thiswillbe]

Hmm. I always assumed getting a lawyer to draw up all the contracts you'd need to use a known donor would be more expensive than a few vials of donor sperm. We didn't look into that at all, though, so I don't know.

And CT, I *so* agree with your point about affording a baby-- sometimes I sit back and laugh at the fact that (at the time) I thought it cost a lot to try each month, and the IUI+sperm+meds+bloodwork only came to about $1800/month.

[clickerish]

Just to clarify, I do think that you have to be able to afford the bank to afford the baby. We can, but it's going to cut into my research budget--which is okay. I just wasn't expecting someone who was so adamant about using a particular person to change her mind so dramatically. I plan out the budget early in the year, so I would like consistency! The problem with our relationship is that when we need to make extra money, I'm the only person who can make it so I wish I would get consulted or at least some sort of consistency.