Something I don't understand about cheating

[bonquiqui]

I do not understand when there is a cheating spouse, why people only get mad at the "other woman/man"  The spouse is just as much to blame, if not more.  They are the ones in the committed relationship, so ultimately it was their decision.  The other woman/man might have known, but it wasn't their relationship that they cheated on.  It is kind of infuriating.  

Brought to you by watching breaking Amish reunion, and a fb post by a friend.  

[BlackCanary]

No, I have equal hate for both parties. 

[speckledfrog]

Because emotions aren't rational.

[VeryViolet]

I think for the person being cheated on it is easier to lash out at the person who they don't know and can view as the homewrecker rather than the person who they loved and trusted and was supposed to honor their relationship. Really though they both really suck and yeah the person who took the vows and made the promise is responsible for not being an asshole.

[TrickyBob]

Because it is easier to blame someone else instead of facing what your spouse did.

[bonquiqui]

Sept 29, 2013 22:33:27 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Because emotions aren't rational.

I understand that to a point, but when I was cheated on my exH was the one that ultimately betrayed me.  Don't get me wrong, I hate that other bitch, but I ultimately hold him responsible.  She didn't put a gun to his head.  

[ooglie26]

I don't get it either. One of my former friends was sleeping with the guy I was dating, and I was livid with both of them and cut them out of my life immediately. Otherwise, my anger would be directed at my SO/Boyfriend and not at the other woman, if she didn't know of me.

ETA: If the other woman did know he was in a committed relationship, and still carried on with him, I would probably rage against her at some level too.  But, like Bon said, she didn't put a gun to his head.  He is responsible for his own actions.

[Deleted]

I've heard a lot of women, in particular, blame other women. Mostly women from my small hometown on Facebook. It's kind of insane. It's like men are incompetent beings who can't help but play with their penis when they see boobies. There's actually one girl on FB who picked her husband up at another woman's house because "some whore seduced and took advantage of him!"

These people are really the only reason I stay on Facebook.

[bonquiqui]

This is not to say I was not upset with that other woman.  Fuck that smurf, BUT I wasn't all "fuck that bitch come here you poor poodle h.  what did she do to you???"  No just no.  

[medicmommy]

I've said this many times.

[Deleted]

I agree with you. I don't think I've ever experienced someone who only blamed the other woman, though. Usually its being angry at both.

I personally was furious at the other woman when I was cheated on, but furious doesn't accurately describe the rage I felt at my husband. He made the choice to cheat, she just enabled it happening. If it wasn't her it would have been someone else because he sucks. So ultimately she's not the one at greatest fault.

[MrsAggie]

I mean, I definitely think a woman is a slutty STD-ridden whore if she knowingly effs a married man. With that said, I think the H is the one who makes and breaks his vows and is ultimately the worst person in the scenario. When an ex cheated on me, I hated the other woman but definitely took it out on ex-bf because he was supposed to be the committed one.

[Waffles]

While anyone who knowingly has sex with a married person is a dirty bastard, the guiltiest party IMO is the married person. They're actively betraying their husband/wife. The other (wo)man is just that (unless they too have a relationship with the cheatee).

[flamingeaux]

It depends on the circumstances.

I wouldn't be mad at the OW unless they knew that he was currently in a relationship. I don't know if I'd ever have friendly feelings but not the rage that would be felt at the cheater.
If she knew there was "a wife", but didn't know, me personally, I'd be like 70% mad at the cheater, and 30% mad at her.

If it was someone I knew personally, especially if we were friends it be about 51% mad at the cheater and 49% mad at her, because after all, the spouse is the one who made the promise.

[Jalapeñomel]

It's a whole lot easier to place blame on someone you don't know or aren't in a relationship with than to realize that you've been duped, lied to and manipulated.

[muffin0]

I don't understand this either.

With my ex SIL we all blamed her.  She went out and cheated because she was pissed at BIL and wanted to show him how pissed she was. (seriously her words)

[LLL]

I'd be mad at everybody. It would be a "fuck all y'all" situation.