stupid Q re:death/calling hours

[Saint Monica]

Is this similar to sitting Shiva only conducted at a funeral home?

If not and the mourners are Catholic how does one "do" calling hours?  How long do I stay?

I feel stoooopid.

[TheSeaward]

I always just stay long enough to go thru the receiving line. the family won't know now long you stayed

[hisno1girl]

Just greet the family and any other persons known to you.

You can stay 15 minutes or the entire time

[Saint Monica]

Another Q. After funeral/burial there is a reception (?) at a country club. How long do I stay at that?

[MixedBerryJam]

When you get there just get in line immediately. When you get to the front of the line share a favorite memory or comment on one of the photos they have on display and say "I'm so sorry for your loss" or whatever words you would choose. Then you can leave, or you can stay and visit with people who are not in the receiving line. Be warned, though, sometimes those receiving lines can go sooooooo ssssssssllllllooooooowwwwwwwwww. And be sure to sign the guest book while you're there. And try not to get there at 8:55 if visiting hours are 7-9.

After the service (at the church, I mean, not after the wake at the funeral home which is usually on a weeknight) the event can vary so much I can't even say there's a standard. Sometimes it's a meal at a restaurant, sometimes there's nothing. We had everybody back to the house for barbecue from my husband's favorite barbecue place. I was expecting about 25 people, but OMG so many people came to tell me how much they loved my husband. I felt so, well, loved myself.

ETA: I misread re: the reception (I thought you were asking will there be one). For a non-meal reception, just don't be the last to leave. That's my rule, anyway, and it works out pretty well for me. If I know people I stay; if I don't, I leave, making sure the family doesn't notice (they won't, as long as you've said hello, you don't really have to say goodbye if you're heading right back out.)

[moolarkey]

Another trick is to slip in BEFORE calling hours start, sign the guest book and head on out. People do that if they have other time commitments and can't go during the actual hours - or if they just want to skip out.

Reception at the country club - could vary but most likely you are looking at minimum 45 minutes before you can slip out. Could be an hour to 1.5. Thing to do - grab the table/seats closest to the exit so you can quietly slip out any time.

For the calling hours, go at the start if you can. Around here the guest book is usually as you enter, sign it. If it's in an entry way you could just head right back on out the door - most funerals people don't remember who they talked to and who they didn't but otherwise - get in line, stop and admire a few flower arrangements, pause at the coffin for a few seconds - just stand there quietly or say a brief silent prayer and then move on. The family will either be right before you get to the deceased or right after. Mostly they are just after. Shake hands, hug if you're close, offer condolences and keep moving. Typically you can leave as soon as you've talked to the immediate family. If you are close friends or shirt-tail relative then you might hang around longer.

[tdk2]

The evening visiting hours may have the rosary done at some point if they're catholic. (Some do, some don't). If they do, then everyone there sits and the priest says a bunch of prayers and people who know them join in at the appropriate spot. Seems to happen more at the funerals of my grandparents generation but I'm sure my mom will want it at hers (she's mid 60s, perfectly healthy, we just talk about funeral wishes sometimes like this past week when there were 4 relatives )

Sometimes there will be an open casket at the visitation. Usually there are photos and photo albums and its kind of a time to talk and reminisce.

If at all possible, I often try to go to the afternoon one as sometimes those are slow and I don't want the time to drag for the family as then they have more time to think. Generally the evening is busier w after work people.

You can stay as Long or short of time as desired. They're too fogged to really realize with whom they spoke but appreciate knowing you came.

After funeral luncheon. You can go or not go, stay as short or as long as you like. Generally there's some good story telling that goes on at the luncheon.

Sorry for your loss.

[tdk2]

Note- there's no requirement to approach the coffin if you're not comfortable.

(I don't know if sitting shiva involves any coffin or "viewing")