Did percs ever come back and update?

[percs]

I wish I had a great update to give.  

I hate circles and running around in them. 

I'm sorry I wasted everyone's time. And I appreciate the concern, I really do. 

At the time I wrote I was totally done and ready to move on.  And I did good. I went through the minor physical withdrawals just fine. I thought about the medication a lot, but I knew if I just kept doing what I was doing, that I'd be fine and move past this. Up until there was a refill. And even when she told me she had gotten her prescription, I told her I didn't want to hear that sort of thing (and she already knew why, I told her this had become an issue and told her everything I had done to rid myself of this issue). And I was good for a few days after she told me she had her refill.

And yet.... I still gave in when she offered. Thought to my credit, she didn't just offer, she insisted I needed it. No excuse though. I made the choice to give in. 

I'm sitting here shaking my head as I write this. The only person who can really control me is ME. I just need to get a fcking grip and STOP this. And I think seeking out NA would be beneficial but I haven't done that yet. I'm afraid to go to that step and then just go in another circle because I'm not as committed as I initially wanted to be and thought I was.  

I am disgusted with myself. 

I am seeing a counselor. I'll be seeing her later this week (and have seen her a few times already). She is helping me work through some of the other issues at play, but has said that if I don't put up these boundaries with my mother, this repetitive cycle won't change. I just need to stop dragging my feet. My counselor thinks it would be beneficial for me to go to a meeting a hear the stories of those who have battled addiction. She insists I would be shocked to see how addicts really do come from all walks of life. She tells me I probably wouldn't feel as awkwardly out of place as I think I would. She also thinks a sponsor would really help too, because I would need to be accountable to that person at all times. 


So that's my update. Not great, but I'll get there... eventually. 

[smashley]

If you go to NA, that's the first step in breaking the circles that you're going in. Even if you're not fully to the point where you are ready to stop yet, going to NA would be a positive step in the right direction. One of my close friends is now about 3 years sober, and had started going to AA and stopped drinking for about 6 months the first time, then started again. The second time, it stuck. Sometimes you have to keep trying. Give yourself a break, go to a meeting. You don't have to talk, and can just sit and listen. Good luck.

[berbles]

Hugs. It's a tough road. One day at a time.

[bab]

All the best to you percs

[lime]

Hugs, percs. Best wishes as you make the next step.

[spitforspat]

(((Percs)))

You've shown such strength already. I'll be sending you positive thoughts.