I had my first therapy appointment today. I just... I don't even know? I thought for sure I'd have a full on meltdown in her office. I didn't. At all. Am I supposed to feel better? I don't. I think I'm too impatient. I put together a bunch of things I've written that I think aptly portrayed what I feel. But I haven't shown them to anyone. Its pretty dark. I'm so tired.
Post by ElizabethBennet on Oct 1, 2013 23:52:59 GMT -5
Therapy takes time. I've been in for a couple of months and only in the last couple of weeks have I seen some true changes.
Just remember, you may have years of crap that you need to work through, it's not going to get better overnight. It's frustrating but it's the way it is, and it may even get harder before it gets easier and that's okay.
I know I'm new so ignore this or whatever, but with as self conscious as you've been with your introspection here, I can imagine it's very amplified with someone in real life. I hope you can take some time to keep trying to open up, if you feel like it will be helpful for you. I know that when I am in a situation where I have to express Big Feelings, I sort of tune myself out for the process and it doesn't hit me until much later that I talked about it and then I start Feeling Things. I don't think there is a "right" response to therapy.
I hope you know that whatever you have floating around in your head, it doesn't negate that you are a great person too.
It takes a little time. You may not feel better immediately, but you are taking steps in the right direction by going to you first appointment. Hugs, and I'm sorry.
I mean, I knew it wasn't like I was going to have some amazing breakthrough during my first session. Maybe it would have been better if I *had* had a meltdown... just so someone could see how deep the rabbit hole goes. But I got breathing exercises and coping strategies for when I feel out of control. Session #2 is in 2 weeks. I guess we'll see what happens.
It takes time. I didn't really open up to my therapist until I had been seeing her for months. Now I unload on her and feel a ton better when I leave, but getting to that point was hard. And tiring. But it is truly worth it.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
I just want answers and some kind of guidance on how to fix this.. Fix Me. Some days I just feel so hopeless.
Unfortunately there is no quick fix for this kind of shit. But as you open up more you will find that it gets easier and easier. It really is baby steps. You work on issue A, then move on to issue B. I have been in therapy for 2 years now and I finally feel whole again - but each piece that you work though will make you feel better and better. It takes time, but I swear it is worth it.
Post by thinklikeajellyfish on Oct 2, 2013 0:17:36 GMT -5
You will get there. It will take time. Soon you will find that you leave each appointment with a new little nugget of information or insight. Write them down. ((fuckstick))
Therapy takes time. It isn't something that just happens.
Try not to second guess yourself about what should have happened at your appt. When I get wrapped up in what I "should" have done at one of my appointments, I just write a note about it for the next time. Usually I never reference it, but it gets it out of my head. Sometimes I do, and we discuss it. You have another appointment. Nothing has to happen on a set schedule or in a specific time frame.
Personally, I never really meltdown until I feel safe, so it isn't going to happen for me at the first appointment. But again, that's me. Everyone is different. But a therapy relationship is based on trust, which again, develops with time.
When you feel ready, maybe show her the writing you've put together. It doesn't have to be the next appointment. It doesn't have to be ever. I've brought in things I've written on different occasions, because I can write them, but I just can't quite make myself say them.
There really aren't any shoulds and shouldn'ts and road plans for therapy. It's a very individual journey that I think probably goes differently for every person.
I understand thinking that you're all dark and just so far gone. I've been there. Some days I still am. But there is so much more to you than that. We all have dark places inside us, some just hide it better than others. And some never acknowledge them at all, just pretend they aren't there. But it isn't all darkness. I promise, it isn't. You'll get there.
If she's angry that your GP blew you off, maybe it's worth asking if she has any recommendations for a psychiatrist. Again, you don't have to, but a good one is much better at managing meds than a GP.