UGH, I have a WWYD **UPDATE IN REPLIES**

[Deleted]

That's a great email. Mine would have been way more harsh.

This is the second time food was withheld? Fucking rage.
I

[snickers]

I think your email is much nicer than mine would be, so I say send it.
It is not okay for them to withhold food from a child ever, wtf? I would be absolutly livid to be honest.

[Booze Raccoon]

I think it's great. My email would have been written in tiny print on my knuckles.

[speckledfrog]

In both states I have worked in it is against regulation standards to withhold food as punishment. It's a reportable offense. I agree that I would be extremely angry with this situation and would be up the director's ass in a hot second.

[jaycee]

I think that email is great.

[vanillacourage]

Your email is way nicer than mine would have been.

Personally, I would add a line at the end about how you understand that there has been some transition, but this is the second time in X weeks that your child has been withheld food, which is completely unacceptable, and that you'd like to meet with her to discuss what the center can/will/has done to make sure it doesn't happen again. 

[speckledfrog]

Honestly, I would set up a face to face meeting with the director so she can apologize and explain to you what they are going to implement to make sure this doesn't happen again. I'd also report it, but I'm a bitch like that.

[anlo]

My son has severe sensory issues with food. I would be furious if they did this to him. OMG. Your poor baby

You are handling this great. I admire your ability to write a coherent email at this point because holy shit. I would be enraged.

[anlo]

Oct 2, 2013 8:13:20 GMT -5 specialk said:

Your email is great. I probably would have skipped the email and gone straight to marching my ass into the director's office and demanding to know who thought it was appropriate to use food deprivation as a method of punishment on a small child, so I applaud your reserve.

Also, all of this. WTF.

[saraandmichael]

I like the overall message, but would be more clear with your feelings. You weren't a little unsettled, you were unsettled. She doesn't have major sensory issues, she has documented sensory issues. I also wouldn't ask if something can be put in place, I would say "When there is another teacher in the classroom, she needs to be told about my daughter's sensory issues with food and the proper protocol for having her try school lunch and then be given her lunch from home, as it is unacceptable for her to go without lunch."

Don't be afraid to assert yourself. You can still be nice while being direct.

And I'm really sorry that she didn't eat yesterday. That is cruel and highly unprofessional.

[auntie]

I think your email sounds thoughtful without be accusatory.

How old is your LO?

Does she have an actual SPD dx and an OT working with you to put a formal plan in place to help Natalie overcome this issue? Sometimes teachers are willing to listen to a professional's opinion when a parent's pleas fall on deaf ears. Sometimes just a "to whom it may concern" letter is enough to gain school compliance around a special need like this.

An OT could also devise a food chaining protocol that would make it easier for teachers to know when to push a little harder- but not bully- to help her grow in this area.

How big a deal is it for the teacher to manage in practice. I know some teachers who truly don't mind little things like heating food, helping with packaging/cutting and others who just don't. Sometimes a head of school will promise parents things that some teachers aren't willing to do. I find preschool aged teachers a quirky bunch- some see themselves as primarily teachers and take a sterner approach where actualy child care is blow their dignity.

Why was she having "her tantrums"? Is this a garden variety age appropriate thing or does she have a harder time regulating her behavior compared to peers?

[wambam]

Email looks good.

Withholding food sounds like the worst possible idea with a kid who already has food issues.

[nahoku]

I like Sara's advice to you. I'm sorry this happened, puddle, I'd be so angry

[livinitup]

It's a nice email, probably a bit too nice. You're doing excellent follow-up and advocacy. The email is an opportunity to put this in writing. I'd make it less conversational and more of a report of an incident and a request for an action plan to prevent this from happening again. I'd put more back on the director for action and follow-up. Real follow-up.

[Deleted]

i think there are too many qualifiers in your email. you are rightfully pissed that they aren't adequately addressing your child's documented, diagnosed issues.

ETA, because i can't ever help myself:

I’m sorry I missed you this morning! I was hoping to discuss the lunch issue with you further. How can we best go about putting something in place so when Teacher 1 is gone, whoever covers lunch knows that Natalie always gets her own lunch?

This happened once before when she was in her old classroom and it is imperative that it doesn’t happen again.

I want to be clear with you, and I know you will communicate to Natalie's teachers that this is not merely a matter of being stubborn.  Natalie has documented, diagnosed major sensory issues with food. While it is important to encourage her to try new things, her father and I absolutely do not want her punished when she doesn’t--at school or at home. It’s unsettling to be told that she was having tantrums that morning, and then
wouldn’t try her mac & cheese so her lunch was withheld from her.

Please do keep giving her the chance to try the school lunch, but ensure that she does get to eat her lunch from home.  I'm sure you, her teachers, and I would all agree that withholding necessary food from a child is wrong.

I really appreciate your help with this

[lola]

I'm so glad for you that they're handling it really quickly.

[speckledfrog]

Sounds like they are handling it well.  :Y:

[poppyseed]

I'm glad they responded well. I'm so sorry, puddle. That's so freaking stressful.