It is just not fair.

[Deleted]

My heart hurts for my best friend. He is deployed and his wife gave birth 3 weeks after he left. It is a 9 month deployment. He shares pictures that his wife puts on facebook and they get to Skype, but it just breaks my heart for him. I just think of all the things he has missed that he will never get back. I also think about how hard it is for his wife doing this alone.
I know soldiers and their families go through this every day, but sometimes the realization of the sacrifice is heart wrenching. I just want him to be able to hold his little girl.

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[tdk2]

Awww that is sad and heartbreaking . Poor guy misses out on a ton as does their whole Fam

[Deleted]

Flameful: That is sad and a huge sacrifice and a shame and I appreciate his service and all of that, but how is it unfair? Isn't that kind of exactly what he signed up for when he joined the military?

[VillainV]

Yeah, the joke in the military is that with deployment cycles as they are now, you can either be home for the conception or the birth but usually not both. Sad, but true. I have a few friends who missed the birth of a child, and a few others who made it home hours or days before the birth.

It sucks, but yeah, we all kind of knew this is a possibility when we joined.

[hopecounts]

Oct 3, 2013 8:46:46 GMT -5 v said:

Flameful: That is sad and a huge sacrifice and a shame and I appreciate his service and all of that, but how is it unfair? Isn't that kind of exactly what he signed up for when he joined the military?

namely because depending on when he joined up these long deployments weren't the norm or weree expected to be temporary.
For a really long time 6 month deployments were the norm, which while hard are not the same as 12-18 month deployments.

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2013 8:46:46 GMT -5 v said:

Flameful: That is sad and a huge sacrifice and a shame and I appreciate his service and all of that, but how is it unfair? Isn't that kind of exactly what he signed up for when he joined the military?

A) i don't think she meant "fair" in the sense of "wow, i worked 27 hours of overtime and am not getting paid for it; that's not fair."  i think she meant sort of "curse ye, universe, that someone i love is unable to hold his beautiful child."

B) deployments are radically different now than they were, say, 15 years ago.  i grew up in an enormously military area and my friends' parents didn't deploy with the regularity and for the length with which they do now.  so, yes, it's sort of what you signed up for when you sign up for the military, but it can also be disappointing since past precedent was not an accurate predictor here.

C) there are a lot of people who agree with you, i'm sure. 

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2013 9:37:27 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Oct 3, 2013 8:46:46 GMT -5 v said:

Flameful: That is sad and a huge sacrifice and a shame and I appreciate his service and all of that, but how is it unfair? Isn't that kind of exactly what he signed up for when he joined the military?

namely because depending on when he joined up these long deployments weren't the norm or weree expected to be temporary.
For a really long time 6 month deployments were the norm, which while hard are not the same as 12-18 month deployments.

But isn't that the risk you take when joining the military?  Maybe it was peacetime when you joined, but there's always a chance that a war could start and you could be gone for weeks/months/years/forever?

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2013 9:43:14 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 3, 2013 9:37:27 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

namely because depending on when he joined up these long deployments weren't the norm or weree expected to be temporary.
For a really long time 6 month deployments were the norm, which while hard are not the same as 12-18 month deployments.

But isn't that the risk you take when joining the military?  Maybe it was peacetime when you joined, but there's always a chance that a war could start and you could be gone for weeks/months/years/forever?

so is death.  doesn't make it not sad.  doesn't make the parent of a dead soldier not ask "why, god?"

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2013 9:49:09 GMT -5 cville said:

Oct 3, 2013 9:43:14 GMT -5 v said:

But isn't that the risk you take when joining the military?  Maybe it was peacetime when you joined, but there's always a chance that a war could start and you could be gone for weeks/months/years/forever?

so is death.  doesn't make it not sad.  doesn't make the parent of a dead soldier not ask "why, god?"

Um... I said in my first post that it is sad.  Sad is different from unfair.

[AlpineSlide]

That sucks for them, heartbreaking for sure. I thank god for the soldiers like him willing to sacrifice so much.

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2013 9:43:14 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 3, 2013 9:37:27 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

namely because depending on when he joined up these long deployments weren't the norm or weree expected to be temporary.
For a really long time 6 month deployments were the norm, which while hard are not the same as 12-18 month deployments.

But isn't that the risk you take when joining the military?  Maybe it was peacetime when you joined, but there's always a chance that a war could start and you could be gone for weeks/months/years/forever?

Of course it is the risk you take. Also, it is not him saying this. He understands his choice to join and knows that it was a risk when they were trying to conceive. I,as an outsider, wish that there was a way for him to not miss out in the first year if his daughter's life. I feel sad that this happens regularly for our military. I wasn't saying it's not fair in a foot stomping sense, just that it sucks.

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[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2013 9:53:04 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 3, 2013 9:49:09 GMT -5 cville said:

so is death.  doesn't make it not sad.  doesn't make the parent of a dead soldier not ask "why, god?"

Um... I said in my first post that it is sad.  Sad is different from unfair.

Let go of the word unfair. You are taking it too literally. Read cville's post again. And again after that if you still don't get it.

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[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2013 9:53:04 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 3, 2013 9:49:09 GMT -5 cville said:

so is death.  doesn't make it not sad.  doesn't make the parent of a dead soldier not ask "why, god?"

Um... I said in my first post that it is sad.  Sad is different from unfair.

um . . . asking "why god" is a question of fairness.  why him and not HER.  why her and not HIM.

and "fair" is relative.  let's say you go to college and you want to major in theology, but you know that it's not very employable and you have loans.  so you major in business.  and, wouldn't you know it, upon graduation there were openings at 3 major thinktanks in town for entry level theological thinkers, but you can't get a job prepping excel spreadsheets in the dank basement of AT&T if your life depended upon it.  man, that doesn't feel very fair, does it?  you signed up for one thing thinking it would go one way and it went an entirely different way.

further, perhaps you can take this debate elsewhere?  this isn't an abstract argument for sallywalker and her friend and her friend's wife and her friend's baby. 

[snickers]

It is so sad this happened to my cousin with his first born

[hopecounts]

Oct 3, 2013 9:43:14 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 3, 2013 9:37:27 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

namely because depending on when he joined up these long deployments weren't the norm or weree expected to be temporary.
For a really long time 6 month deployments were the norm, which while hard are not the same as 12-18 month deployments.

But isn't that the risk you take when joining the military?  Maybe it was peacetime when you joined, but there's always a chance that a war could start and you could be gone for weeks/months/years/forever?

sure in the same way a law student or med student 'know' long crazy hours are likely.
knowing it's a possibility and then having it happen is a big difference.

and yes I think unfair isn't being used the way you are taking it.

[imhischeeseburger]

It certainly sucks. My husband just came back from Afghanistan in February and is leaving again. He wasn't supposed to deploy so soon but he got switched to a new unit that was deploying, so he will now miss the birth of our son. Even though we planned on him being here, the Marine Corps apparently had different ones.

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2013 10:31:37 GMT -5 imhischeeseburger said:

It certainly sucks. My husband just came back from Afghanistan in February and is leaving again. He wasn't supposed to deploy so soon but he got switched to a new unit that was deploying, so he will now miss the birth of our son. Even though we planned on him being here, the Marine Corps apparently had different ones.

Oh, I am so so sorry

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[sunshineluv]

Oct 3, 2013 10:31:37 GMT -5 imhischeeseburger said:

It certainly sucks. My husband just came back from Afghanistan in February and is leaving again. He wasn't supposed to deploy so soon but he got switched to a new unit that was deploying, so he will now miss the birth of our son. Even though we planned on him being here, the Marine Corps apparently had different ones.

I am so sorry.

[margotmacomber]

While it sucked a lot for DH to be gone after I had DD, we skyped every day.  We had Christmas dinner as a family and put my laptop in his spot at the table.  I recorded a small video on my phone each day of DD and emailed it.  We got through it.  She will get through it.  Offer her all the support you want, but it will be ok.

[jssymom14]

It does suck and I am excited for my BIL and SIL as he returns this week from a year long deployment to Kuwait. He was able to be there for the birth of his daughter (1 yesterday!) but had to leave shortly after and they also have a 2.5 year old. He got to come back for R & R for two weeks, but has missed out on so much of her life. As margotmacomber said they will get through it and the technological advances will help a ton.