so much anxiety!

[alysham28]

I've only posted here once before but I'm honestly too emotionally drained to explain my whole situation at the moment but still looking for some support...long story short, my husband and i are starting the process of getting divorced. It's all pretty new and in the very beginning stages.
It's his decision to split but I am mostly thinking it's for the best since we haven't been truly happy in a while. But anyway, the point of this random panicked post is because I'm sitting at home going crazy thinking about what my STBXH might be doing at this moment and who he could be with. My anxiety is getting worse every minute even though i really have no reason to think he's out screwing around or anything. We've been on very good terms since the official decision was made and are hoping to get though this as easy as possible. For all i know, he's at work right now but it is making me crazy not knowing for sure.
I know this is a crazy random mess and I'm sorry. I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment. I'm hoping to post regularly soon, but it's hard to find time with a 2 year old running around. You ladies seem great and offered great support last time i posted. I have amazing family support and I'm seeing a counselor once a week, it's just late at night i start to feel so incredibly overwhelmed about everything since i don't have anything to distract me. I hate that this is happening.

[explorer2001]

Hugs. It is hard to disengage from caring about what he's doing and where he is when that was so important for so long. Soon that won't be your issue anymore. Do you have any hobbies that could.help you stay occupied? I started crochetting again during my divorce. It really helped me keep busy and do something healthy.

[doriswe]

(hugs)

I was there too....I literally was having panic attacks from the "what is he doing?" I couldn't focus on anything or redirect myself. Unfortunately, the way the ended was finding out that he was back together with his gf while he was supposed to be working on us. At that moment, something in my head snapped and I started standing up for myself.

Bottom line is you have no control over anyone but you and if he's going to make shitty choices, it is not a reflection of you, kwim? And I totally get that it doesn't help right now...but in time, it will. Hang in there....this does get better!

[blondnearby]

I was there too. doriswe, I could have pretty much written that myself.

I was PG with DD#2 when EX and I split. I had panic attacks the first month or two after we separated that were so bad I was hospitalized because my blood pressure would sky rocket. However, similarly to what doriswe said, once I knew 100% that he was with someone else, things changed and were in a way, easier. There were no guessing games anymore. It's almost like that door was closed. Was the divorce still hard? Yes, but it was at that point where I stopped thinking as a "we" and started "doing" for me.