Today at the bridal store was really slow. At one point we were all so bored we put on wedding dresses. I loved the dress I put on. I think I looked amazing in it. I have been kind of thinking about wanting to get married and now there has been much fuel added to the fire.
I think trying on wedding dresses before you're engaged is super flameful.
We sort of have but he's kind of anti wedding. Mostly just the amount of money and waste thatmost wedding entail. He also hates the idea of me being a "wife" because he just doesn't like the traditional roles that come with husband and wife titles. (This part is really weird to me but really, really important to him)
At this point it is starting to matter more to me because it really matters to my parents. My mom really would want an LDS temple ceremony but it is really important to her to have us be married.
The best compromise between Boyfriend and my mom and I is to do an immediate family only city hall ceremony and keep it a secret for like.. 6months to a year and then have a small reception and announce then.
Mel, does he understand that just because the titles are husband and wife doesn't mean you need to live up to the societal expectations of those roles in your area? I imagine it's more difficult because of where you live and the religion you're surrounded by, but still...you don't have to fulfill traditional roles just because you have those titles.
I kind of think keeping a marriage a secret and announcing later is more flameful than trying on wedding dresses before you're engaged.
My flameful is that the only thing I accomplished today was a mini spa treatment for my face. I used a deep cleanser, then a strong exfoliant topped by a very hydrating mask (it's SO dry here). I'm still in my PJs. It felt amazing to do nothing but read, play with the cats, and watch football today.
Post by starrieskies on Oct 7, 2013 0:49:21 GMT -5
I literally stayed in pjs all day. I probably wouldn't have taken a shower and put.com makeup of it weren't for my brothers gf coming over. I showed and put on clean pjs and hung out on the couch with DS all day.
My flameful is that we said goodbye to the shih tzu this weekend. It was just too stressful with three dogs and it was hard to work with both needy dogs and give them the time and attention they needed. Plus, they fed off each other and would gang up on Willow at times and also encourage each other's bad behavior.
I full on ugly cried for over two hours yesterday when I had to bring her to another foster.
My flameful is that we said goodbye to the shih tzu this weekend. It was just too stressful with three dogs and it was hard to work with both needy dogs and give them the time and attention they needed. Plus, they fed off each other and would gang up on Willow at times and also encourage each other's bad behavior.
I full on ugly cried for over two hours yesterday when I had to bring her to another foster.
I don't think that I'd flameful at all doglove. You're doing amazing things. Hugs.
Boyfriend understands the thing about the titles and roles. We have talked about it extensively over time. It is really important to him and I know our relationship wouldn't change at all but it really matters to him.
I also realize weddings can be done on a budget but Boyfriend is being quite realistic about what I would choose.
I think the reason we would keep it secret is just to create more of a disconnect between the party and our relationship. We wouldn't tell people we had already been married for a year it would be more of a we eloped and wanted to tell everyone party.
My flameful is I wish my dh would just go away. We went to a family function with my family last night and I had to lean over and tell him to stop insulting me. I don't know if he is even aware he does it but he loves to tear me down in front of my family. I have just about had it with his treatment of me.
I know I haven't posted here before. Sorry just had to get that out.
My flameful is I wish my dh would just go away. We went to a family function with my family last night and I had to lean over and tell him to stop insulting me. I don't know if he is even aware he does it but he loves to tear me down in front of my family. I have just about had it with his treatment of me.
I know I haven't posted here before. Sorry just had to get that out.
Thanks partiallysunny and captainmel, it was just hard to admit that it was not working at our house and we were so stressed all the time. I don't want to be a failure at fostering, but I don't want to create a lot of stress on our lives as well.
I don't think that I'd flameful at all doglove. You're doing amazing things. Hugs.
Boyfriend understands the thing about the titles and roles. We have talked about it extensively over time. It is really important to him and I know our relationship wouldn't change at all but it really matters to him.
I also realize weddings can be done on a budget but Boyfriend is being quite realistic about what I would choose.
I think the reason we would keep it secret is just to create more of a disconnect between the party and our relationship. We wouldn't tell people we had already been married for a year it would be more of a we eloped and wanted to tell everyone party.
I have to be honest here, Mel. I don't get it.
Don't have a party a year after. Elope, include/tell your family and friends, and be done with it. Do not have a party a year later and be all "we got married a year ago! Have some cake!"
My flameful is I wish my dh would just go away. We went to a family function with my family last night and I had to lean over and tell him to stop insulting me. I don't know if he is even aware he does it but he loves to tear me down in front of my family. I have just about had it with his treatment of me.
I know I haven't posted here before. Sorry just had to get that out.
My flameful is I wish my dh would just go away. We went to a family function with my family last night and I had to lean over and tell him to stop insulting me. I don't know if he is even aware he does it but he loves to tear me down in front of my family. I have just about had it with his treatment of me.
I know I haven't posted here before. Sorry just had to get that out.
What was his reaction? I can't imagine being with someone who I had to ask to stop insulting me. Is this a normal behavior for him?
partiallysunny, I don't know that I really get it either. It seems like the best compromise between everyone who matters but it certainly isn't perfect. It also isn't going to be put into place for a while so all of this is mostly in my head.
He's better today. He hoped right out of bed, picked out clothes for us both, got himself dressed, and is sitting at the table eating his yogurt. I think we're good.
Mel, I am with tiramisu on this. Your (potential) marriage can be as traditional or non-traditional as you want. I can understand feeling intimidated by what the labels seem to represent (especially in your area), but your life together doesn't have to be like that. And while it's nice that you guys are taking the parents' feelings into consideration, I just worry that you might get too invested in finding a compromise, and then not end up having the wedding you actually want.
partiallysunny, I don't know that I really get it either. It seems like the best compromise between everyone who matters but it certainly isn't perfect. It also isn't going to be put into place for a while so all of this is mostly in my head.
I had a hard time finding compromises with my wedding, as well. I failed miserably at it. I wanted to elope and H wanted a big, old fashioned ceremony. It was a mess.
My flameful is that we said goodbye to the shih tzu this weekend. It was just too stressful with three dogs and it was hard to work with both needy dogs and give them the time and attention they needed. Plus, they fed off each other and would gang up on Willow at times and also encourage each other's bad behavior.
I full on ugly cried for over two hours yesterday when I had to bring her to another foster.
Oh hon. I'm so sorry it didn't work out. Lots of hugs.
Yeah, I don't get how keeping a marriage secret for a year stops the "husband/wife expectations" from kicking in. I'm going to say that unless/until you're both ready to live as married partners in front of the world without worrying about societal or family pressures, then marriage shouldn't happen.
I have nothing flameful to report. My clients are back in the office, which is disappointing for all of us.