On the flip side, my BF just got engaged. She wants a nice, but still inexpensive (about $5000) wedding and her FI wants to elope. Sees the whole thing as a waste of money.
Planning a wedding is hard and really sucks. Anyone who can do it and come out sane deserves a medal.
I was doing pretty good on my diet until we went to see Gravity yesterday with my neighbors. They bought popcorn. Then we decided to go to this bar at the top of a hotel here that spins. I had never been and drank these awesome grasshoppers.
Ydesperate on't get how keeping a marriage secret for a year stops the "husband/wife expectations" from kicking in. I'm going to say that unless/until you're both ready to live as married partners in front of the world without worrying about societal or family pressures, then marriage shouldn't happen.
I have nothing flameful to report. My clients are back in the office, which is disappointing for all of us.
I guess I should clarify that they are two seperate objections. The roles and titles becomes a philosophical objection. Which I think should be critically evaluated and talked about between the two of us.
The reason we would keep it secret is more of a practical objection. It is a distaste for the way weddings are typically done around here and the level of public scruitiny that weddings can involve. We would want to keep the ceremony really small and the reception mostly small. The idea of seperate days came up and we both kind of liked it.
Throw a party somewhere, like your place or your parent's place, invite a small group, and announce that tada! You're getting married right NOW. And you'll have your ceremony and reception in one place, and on the cheap.
Throw a party somewhere, like your place or your parent's place, invite a small group, and announce that tada! You're getting married right NOW. And you'll have your ceremony and reception in one place, and on the cheap.
Oh, I agree that how your marriage will look/feel is something that should be discussed (and often), but not wanting to get married because of other people's ideas of how it should be...it's making my bullshit meter ding.
I heard from an estranged relative of mine a few days ago, and it's brought back a lot of the feels for me that I thought I had fully dealt with. I know we don't have contact for a reason, but I do feel guilty. And every time they sort of reappear and attempt to contact me, I end up feeling that same anxiety I always felt when I was made to be around them.
Sorry for rambling. Just needed to put that somewhere.
Post by Wrath0fKuus on Oct 7, 2013 11:30:25 GMT -5
My advice is not to get married until when you talk about a compromise between everyone who matters, that entails a compromise between you and the Mr. only.
I heard from an estranged relative of mine a few days ago, and it's brought back a lot of the feels for me that I thought I had fully dealt with. I know we don't have contact for a reason, but I do feel guilty. And every time they sort of reappear and attempt to contact me, I end up feeling that same anxiety I always felt when I was made to be around them.
Sorry for rambling. Just needed to put that somewhere.
Oh, I agree that how your marriage will look/feel is something that should be discussed (and often), but not wanting to get married because of other people's ideas of how it should be...it's making my bullshit meter ding.
If I am totally honest I think it is one of his least logical thought processes. It really doesn't make a lot of sense to me but it is SO important to him that I feel obligated to respect it. It is a conviction on par with most peoples religious beliefs. It doesn't always have to be logical but if you feel it it still matters.
My advice is not to get married until when you talk about a compromise between everyone who matters, that entails a compromise between you and the Mr. only.
This is why we aren't married. I would be pretty much fine with never getting married. (I just want a pretty dress, how's that for flameful?!)
I know how happy it would make my mom. In the grand scheme it wouldn't effect us too much but it would effect her a lot.
He did stop. I think he thinks he is being funny. But I have a very iffy relationship with my family and he knows I want it to be better and yet he makes me the but of his jokes all the time. I was proud of myself because I was said if very calmly and quietly.
I finally have a flameful! I'm considering quitting my job. My 8 year anniversary is this month and I'm just over it. I hate being client-facing. Our #1 mantra is "client service" and I spend most of my time wishing they'd just fuck right off. I wish our portion of the govt furlough had lasted longer - it was so nice being able to get shit done without the middlemen to screw it up along the way.
I'm having a bad Monday, can you tell? In a psychic twist, H brought up my career plans with me last night and where I want to go with them. He thinks I'd be happiest if I got out of the industry full-stop. I think he's right and it scares me.
Related vent: If you came into work after being out for a week and your boss gave you an assignment (we'll say it's related to social media) you knew someone else was working, would you: A) Get with your colleague who was here and working on it in your absence to find out what was discussed and general progress/feedback or B) Set up a meeting with Mark Zuckerberg without so much as reading the report that was generated in your absence or speaking with the authors
Because a situation similar to B happened this morning and (thank God) another colleague was eavesdropping and let me know what was going on. This is the second time he's gone running to the most senior person possible without a fucking clue what's going on. It's pissing me off and I'm trying very hard to contain my temper before going to see him in a few minutes. If I have to hear another "just doin' my job!" excuse I'm going to lose it.
He did stop. I think he thinks he is being funny. But I have a very iffy relationship with my family and he knows I want it to be better and yet he makes me the but of his jokes all the time. I was proud of myself because I was said if very calmly and quietly.
I KNOW. And I have no recourse because I'm just the hired help. Which is why I'm trying to get my temper under control. I'm just going to sit back and let the chickens come home to roost since he also apparently forwarded out the report to his entire address book for comment. Even though comment was closed as of Friday afternoon when I turned it over to his boss and the boss was happy. Ugggghhhhh. He can answer those emails.
Welcome to the wild and wonderful world of govt contracting: where you have 3 clients who don't communicate with each other and they all tell you something different. Furlough gave me 1 client and uninterrupted face time/sanity. It was wonderful.
I have had WAY too much sugar today. We had a potluck at work and I had too much. Not to mention I bought donuts on the way to work. I will not specify how many I ate because right now I hate myself. Wtf is wrong with me?
I KNOW. And I have no recourse because I'm just the hired help. Which is why I'm trying to get my temper under control. I'm just going to sit back and let the chickens come home to roost since he also apparently forwarded out the report to his entire address book for comment. Even though comment was closed as of Friday afternoon when I turned it over to his boss and the boss was happy. Ugggghhhhh. He can answer those emails.
Welcome to the wild and wonderful world of govt contracting: where you have 3 clients who don't communicate with each other and they all tell you something different. Furlough gave me 1 client and uninterrupted face time/sanity. It was wonderful.
I have had WAY too much sugar today. We had a potluck at work and I had too much. Not to mention I bought donuts on the way to work. I will not specify how many I ate because right now I hate myself. Wtf is wrong with me?
It's tolerating the unknown. It happens to me too.
I have had WAY too much sugar today. We had a potluck at work and I had too much. Not to mention I bought donuts on the way to work. I will not specify how many I ate because right now I hate myself. Wtf is wrong with me?
It's tolerating the unknown. It happens to me too.
I love you a lot. You get me.
My mom texted me this morning and asked how I was. I said okay, not great. She said I hope it's not because of the dog situation. She is just fine and wants to have bf over for dinner soon. :'(It's obvious that I'm the most bent out of shape over this, by far. And nothing even happened to me.
It's tolerating the unknown. It happens to me too.
I love you a lot. You get me.
My mom texted me this morning and asked how I was. I said okay, not great. She said I hope it's not because of the dog situation. She is just fine and wants to have Andy over for dinner soon. :'(It's obvious that I'm the most bent out of shape over this, by far. And nothing even happened to me.
You're stressed - you want everyone to like each other. It makes sense.
Yeah, I don't get how keeping a marriage secret for a year stops the "husband/wife expectations" from kicking in. I'm going to say that unless/until you're both ready to live as married partners in front of the world without worrying about societal or family pressures, then marriage shouldn't happen.
I have nothing flameful to report. My clients are back in the office, which is disappointing for all of us.
I agree with this. If I am going to be completely honest, I would be reluctant to marry a man who thinks that marriage means that 1950's gender roles are enforced and not that we are a family and a team working through things together in our own way.