How frequently do you hang out with the same friend?

[Deleted]

My closest local friend is kind of making me nuts. She's single, as am I, and she works three 12 hour shifts a week. So she has a lot of free time the other 4 days. I feel like she gets insulted if I'm not available to hang out every single week, and she'd prefer to hang out multiple times a week.

Am I being unreasonable to think hanging out a couple of times a month is enough? Unless there is something specific going on we want to do, or we're bored?

[imojoebunny]

My BFF and I hang out once or twice or a month. Pretty much anyone else who wants to see me has to come over and sit on my front porch, other than my once a month book club.

[SJ]

I have several friends that I see 1-2 times per week and sometimes more. We live close to each other and our activities range from a quick walk or coffee to drinks or a meal or entire evenings. Sometimes one on one, but often in groups and with our SO's.

I don't think you are at all unreasonable though- I have plenty of friends I see once a month or less frequently.

[mcfelix]

Not unreasonable. But everybody has their own preferences on how time time they want to be alone vs socializing, so it sounds like she just wants to spend more time socializing than you do. I would just tell her that you need more downtime, you have things you like to do around the house, etc.

[flygirl22]

Yea.. I see my closest friends every week usually. I pretty much only hang out with one group of friends though. If I still lives in my college town I bet BFF and I would see each other most days..

[gt7301b]

It depends. I hangout with my best friend in the area anywhere from 2x a week to 1x a month, depending on what is going on.

[thejen626]

I see one friend about twice a week, because her kids are the same age as mine, they play really well together, and our DH's both work very long hours. We get along great and it works well for us

Everybody else, once a month ish is plenty.

[SJ]

What do you prefer to do on the other days? Can you bring her along?

I have had a lot of luck merging my various groups of friends. It helps so much because I don't have as many groups to see and keep up with and can usually invite anyone to anything, if that makes sense.

[Deleted]

Oct 10, 2013 21:18:31 GMT -5 SJ said:

What do you prefer to do on the other days? Can you bring her along?

I have had a lot of luck merging my various groups of friends. It helps so much because I don't have as many groups to see and keep up with and can usually invite anyone to anything, if that makes sense.

I think this is the problem - I feel like she dominates all my friend time. We don't really have a "group" anymore so if I want to see anyone else, I feel like I don't have time. 

Last weekend I cancelled on her on Saturday (when she had friends in town anyway) because we hung out Friday night and I had a work function and dinner at another friend's house on Sunday. I needed a day to clean and get some things done, and she's still guilting me about it today. This weekend I have several things going on she really can't tag along on either (including 2 dates!) and she said she was disappointed I won't have time for her. I mean it's nice she wants to hang out, but it's stressing me out lol.

She has met most of my other friends (not that I have tons anyway, lol) and they get along fine but haven't really hit it off either. 

[Marmee]

I have a friend I hangout 1-4 times a week.  She's also my neighbor.  We both are home a lot (I SAHM & shes a Realtor).  Otherwise I don't hang out with people more than 1-2 times a week.  I think acceptable amount depends on the person.

[mbcdefg]

We're close to two other couples and we try to hang out once a week. Sometimes MH and the other guys hang out since they were childhood friends - us wives never really hang out solo.

I have a single girlfriend that I hang out with about once a month.

[Deleted]

I can hang out with the same friends every day for months. I'm not much of a introvert though. But when you work in a bar you see people 4-5 days a week and end up hanging out after work. So that might have something to do with it.

Friends I've met in professional positions are a lot less frequent - couple times a month.

[cosmos]

I'm lucky if I see my best friend once a month.

[M]

I'm a terrible friend. I haven't seen my best friend in...uh...I don't remember how many months. They are always busy and we are always busy so we gave up trying to make time. I think we may have lost our candidacy for future god parents haha.

[Deleted]

I only see my BFF a few times a year but she lives in Baltimore. My closest friend in my city lives about 25 minutes from me and I see her a couple times a month. I'm also very close with one of my neighbors and I see her daily. Our kids play together.

Basically it is all about geography in the stage of life I am in.

I am also an extrovert to the extreme and I will hang with whomever, whenever. I would be very happy to see any of my close friends on a daily basis.

[Deleted]

I have a friend who I typically see 1-2 times a week. We call him the third roommate and joke that when we come home, we half expect him to be asleep on the couch.

He just started dating someone and I'm sad that he isn't available to be our third wheel as much anymore!

[gibbinator]

I think it depends a lot on your amount of free-time and your need for human interaction. When I was on mat leave I met up with a group of the same 5 people once or twice a week every week for a year on top of agreeing to any activity anyone invited me to. Now that I'm working, I only make an effort to be social about once a month.

[aspentosh]

I wish I saw my closest friends more, but it's usually 1x a month or so. Leading up to her wedding I saw one of them a few times a month and it was awesome. Other of my friends (nexties) I see every few months, but we've been busy with births and home buying!

[kershnic]

When I worked in the same neighborhood as one of my closest friends we hung out about 1x a week, occasionally 2x. I now work much farther away and miss that time a lot. Most of my other friends I see much less regularly. From what I see other people doihg I think normal varies a lot. You just have to find what makes you happy and set boundaries accordingly.

[ECB]

This is clearly an "it depends" thing. In your situation, if you don't wnat to hang out w/ her so much, you don't have to.

To kind of follow on Vicmo - if she really keeps up the pressure AND the guilt, maybe it's time to say "Hey, friend. I like seeing you, but I don't have time to hang out every weekend. AND if you're going to throw in guilt trips about when I don't see you or have to cancel, it kind of makes me want to see you even less....". That last part is a tad harsh - it could be said a little gentler. But still - maybe she needs to HEAR that she's putting too much pressure on you.

[explorer2001]

It totally depends. My BFF lives three states away (big western states). We try to see each other every year. That isn't always possible.

My local best friend and I aim for once or twice a week but its no big deal if one if us cancels. This works because we are trying to stay active and fit so we have a standing Sunday night work out together. If its twice we do a Wednesday hike/happy hour/whatever.

Other good friends locally once a month or once a quarter depending on schedules.

It really depends on your comfort level and engagement. Don't feel bad if you don't want to be with her 24/7. If she needs that level of engagement she either needs more friends, or a hobby.

[winnied]

It depends. I'm an extrovert and if my best friend and I lived in the same city we'd hang out at least once a week. I could see this being different for introverts.

[otowngirl]

I work with my best friend and we probably hang out a couple times a week outside of work. Especially during the fall, when football season is on and Food & Wine is going on at Epcot. We're both rabid college football fans and love Epcot/Disney. Lol.

[agnes]

I don't even see my BFF every week.

[protozoa]

It depends. We see our 2 closest sets of couple friends at least once a week when people are in town. But those are group GTGs where others are often included. I think for a 1:1 friendship every week would be tough if you are a pretty busy person, trying to date, etc.

She sounds kind of annoying.

[Deleted]

When I was single, at least once a week. But I have a small social circle.

[Deleted]

Oct 11, 2013 7:27:23 GMT -5 ECB said:

This is clearly an "it depends" thing. In your situation, if you don't wnat to hang out w/ her so much, you don't have to.

To kind of follow on Vicmo - if she really keeps up the pressure AND the guilt, maybe it's time to say "Hey, friend. I like seeing you, but I don't have time to hang out every weekend. AND if you're going to throw in guilt trips about when I don't see you or have to cancel, it kind of makes me want to see you even less....". That last part is a tad harsh - it could be said a little gentler. But still - maybe she needs to HEAR that she's putting too much pressure on you.

I think you're right. I did kind of say something like this to her last night, actually - that I need her to be ok with me being busy sometimes and not make me feel bad about disappointing her. I hope she's ok with it. 

I don't mind hanging out multiple times a week if I don't have anything else going on, it's just been hard lately to balance everything and everyone along with taking care of my dogs/house and getting in a little down time. It's like there aren't enough hours in the day/week. I have no idea how people have children

[ECB]

Oct 11, 2013 11:08:45 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

I did kind of say something like this to her last night, actually - that I need her to be ok with me being busy sometimes and not make me feel bad about disappointing her. I hope she's ok with it. 

Well, good!  See if you notice any change in her attitude.   Good luck.

[krisandgrace]

I have a friend like this, she has finally backed off a bit. I don't want to go out every night of the week or really more then a couple nights but it is awkward to figure out how to explain this to an extrovert. It reminds me of this Hyperbole and a Half.