Wwyd: extremely obese plane seat mate

[y4m]

Just rode cross country in the window seat with an extremely obese man in he middle. He was several inches into my seat and pressed against me the whole time (and it was one of those window seats with no window where the wall actually comes in, and of course the person in front reclined into me). Anyway, I'm home now. I survived.

But my question... Although my row was full, the row behind us had an empty middle seat (which those guys were talking excitedly about). If you'd been me, would you have tried to get up and move into that seat? On one hand, that's an awful moment for the obese guy of course, and sucks for the dudes who lucked into the empty middle. On the other, the total amount of misery seems like it would have been reduced--most notably for obese guy and definitely for me too. I couldn't get the balls to do it.

And here's a bonus probably flammable one. I was chatting with obese guy and he apparently flies this route regularly. Does someone who flies frequently have any more obligation to manage his weight and/or seat (eg booking early to get an aisle or using miles to upgrade to first) versus someone who doesn't?

[panicked]

The airline should have made him purchase an extra seat and shuffled people around. That's just poor response on the airline's part.

I wouldn't have said anything, but I'm a super sensitive person who would rather internalize the annoyance and discomfort than hurt anyone's feelings.

[jerseyjaybird]

Oct 17, 2013 21:34:44 GMT -5 panicked said:

I wouldn't have said anything, but I'm a super sensitive person who would rather internalize the annoyance and discomfort than hurt anyone's feelings.

Me too.

What a shitty flight for you, though. Ugh.

[Deleted]

Yeah, I would have moved. Years of riding the CTA in Chicago have deadened me to other peoples' feelings in mass transportation situations. lol.

I don't think being a frequent flier makes you more responsible to manage your weight/buy an additional seat than anyone else. I think if your weight is such that you truly do not fit into your seat and are going to make other passengers very uncomfortable you should buy two seats, whether you fly often or not.

I will add that I don't think obesity is a moral failing and I feel badly for the guy, I'm sure he receives rude and negative comments or looks every time he travels. That is super sucky all around.

[Deleted]

I have several friends who are flight attendants, and they have basically said that their hands are tied and unless a passenger complains, they won't do anything. Unless it's Southwest. Gate agents/ticket counter agents may say something, but with the kiosks/e-check in, sometimes people don't even see those agents anymore.

I would have said something because I have a pretty low tolerance for discomfort.

[y4m]

Oct 17, 2013 21:41:45 GMT -5 @melissainabq said:

I would have said something because I have a pretty low tolerance for discomfort.

Can you walk me through exactly what you would have done? I'm penned in by these two guys (aisle guy arrived before obese guy). Do you call a flight attendant over and ask to be reseated in front of him? Or gather your stuff, get them out so you can get up, and find someone?

[dexteroni]

I would have walked to the front or back and discreetly asked a flight attendant if I could move. I'm sure the seatmate will still know what was going on, but at least it's better than asking right in front of him.

[Deleted]

I would have gotten up to use the restroom and then asked the flight attendant if I could move to the empty seat. I am sure you wouldn't have been the first person to move away from him.

[bryantpark]

I probably would have gone to the bathroom and not come back. Maybe looked for a seat farther away so it wasn't as obvious or stood for a while. Feelings or not, the guy I'm sure knew he was infringing on your personal space.

I also travel light on carry ons - I might have just left my stuff in the original seat minus valuables.

[Deleted]

That's tough. I'd like to think I'd get up and somehow discreetly ask the guys behind me if I could have that seat. But I would have been really uncomfortable doing that too.

Actually, I guess it really depends on the length of the flight. I have a hard time being by the window even with normal weight people on a flight more than an hour or two because I have long legs and get super uncomfortable. I think if I was flying cross country I'd just suck it up and move because I don't think I could stand that situation for that long.

You're a nice person.

[Deleted]

Out of curiosity, did the guy apologize or acknowledge the situation (him being in your space) in any way? Not that it matters one way or another I'm totally just curious.

[bostonmichelle]

I agree that I would've asked to move into a bit seat location. I've done it before just because there was empty seats and noone ever took them, so I asked after takeoff and they said it was fine. I think someone that truly cannot fit into one seat should purchase an additional seat or upgrade to a roomier seat.

[y4m]

Oct 17, 2013 21:53:08 GMT -5 @heyitsme said:

Out of curiosity, did the guy apologize or acknowledge the situation (him being in your space) in any way? Not that it matters one way or another I'm totally just curious.

Not as such. You could tell he knew because sometimes I would squirm and he'd try to lean away for a bit. I mean he also looked miserably uncomfortable the whole time.

[katie829]

Not the same thing but I was on a flight with a girlfriend to Florida. I was in the middle, GF at the window. We were both size 14-16 at the time definitely able to fit in our seats fine. However a larger girl came and sat in the empty aisle seat. All was fine, albeit a little cramped until she started studying and opened her books that extended on my side and poked e few times. It was the worst flight ever. I never said anything.

I wouldn't say anything to this guy either. How long was the flight?

[Deleted]

I was in that situation for a shorter flight last week. I was in the middle, with a tall obese guy in the window seat. He was pushed more towards me because of his height and the curve of the window wall. The arm rest between us couldn't go down because he was over it by many inches. And I had paid for a seat with extra leg room!

He told me that he's a very frequent traveler, but he usually takes Jet Blue because the seats are bigger. That did me no good.

I did nothing but chat with him nicely because I'm a pushover who likes to make strangers happy.

[y4m]

Oct 17, 2013 21:58:47 GMT -5 v said:

I was in that situation for a shorter flight last week. I was in the middle, with a tall obese guy in the window seat. He was pushed more towards me because of his height and the curve of the window wall. The arm rest between us couldn't go down because he was over it by many inches. And I had paid for a seat with extra leg room!

He told me that he's a very frequent traveler, but he usually takes Jet Blue because the seats are bigger. That did me no good.

I did nothing but chat with him nicely because I'm a pushover who likes to make strangers happy.

Yes this also happened in the extra legroom seats. Fat lot of good that did us. At least we got to disembark more quickly!

[barefootcontessa]

I am sorry. I cannot stand people touching like that. it sounds super uncomfortable.

[kateross]

I'm assuming you travelled for around 5+ hours?  I can deal with discomfort for 1-2 hours.  But 5 hours is nuts.

I would have said something to the flight attendant. 

[pitterwoo]

I think asking to move is totally reasonable, in front of him or not. Simply stating the facts of the situation, that it's tight and you and probably both of you would be more comfortable if you could move.

I don't think that he has any obligation to manage his weight any better, or apologize for being large and being in your space. If the airlines want to create a surcharge or require him to purchase an upgrade that's up to them to make the policy.

[LauraMoser]

Ok, as the obese person, I think I would have been relieved if you moved. I would have been glad to have the extra space while not feeling awkward about being all smashed up against you. I've been obese for my entire adult life, so I'm far beyond the point of hurt feelings in these situations. Your moving would have been NBD if I were in the man's shoes.

[LauraMoser]

I do agree applesauce. Why should we have to pay twice as much to travel just because we're bigger than others?

They should also consider making wider seats, and not just in airplanes, everywhere.

[Deleted]

Sucky situation all around.

I hate being uncomfortable on flights but I would not have risked embarrassing the man mainly because I have a relative who is the size you are describing through no fault of his own. Medication that he has to have to function causes extreme weight gain. He could not meet any "obligation to manage his weight" at all. He also could not afford to pay for a second seat or upgrade.

I don't know what the solution is but I'm sorry your flight sucked.

[Deleted]

Oct 17, 2013 22:04:40 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

I would have said nothing and not moved. I am sort of extremely polite to strangers lol.

I have been in this situation a few times and it sucks but paled in comparison to when I was seated next to a special needs teenager. He groped himself/borderline masturbated the entire flight. And I had Lucy with me (she was three months).

Ok in this situation I would have tried to move. Was no one traveling with him? How terrible for all involved!

[LauraMoser]

Oct 17, 2013 21:53:08 GMT -5 @heyitsme said:

Out of curiosity, did the guy apologize or acknowledge the situation (him being in your space) in any way? Not that it matters one way or another I'm totally just curious.

I know you're just curious, and understand that. However, do know that obese people are well aware in these situations. I don't think there is any reason to apologize though. Do you apologize for not being obese?


ETA: Its just as awkward for us to acknowledge the situation as you.


No snark intended.

[Deleted]

I'm a snot (read bitch) and HATE flying. So I would have asked to have moved. He would not make my claustrophobia better and I likely would have had a panic attack having someone touch me.

Planes are not my friends and I was thrilled when I learned I can bring in my own booze. Mini shooters clear TSA like nothing. So you bet your ass I'll be bringing those along during my flights.

Glad you survived. And next time, speak up. Chances are they will move you to another seat or him to another row that has nobody in it. Or better yet, 2 empty seats. Seriously, just ask. In all my years of customer service that's one thing I learned ALWAYS ASK!!

[Deleted]

Oct 17, 2013 22:18:13 GMT -5 LauraMoser said:

Oct 17, 2013 21:53:08 GMT -5 @heyitsme said:

Out of curiosity, did the guy apologize or acknowledge the situation (him being in your space) in any way? Not that it matters one way or another I'm totally just curious.

I know you're just curious, and understand that. However, do know that obese people are well aware in these situations. I don't think there is any reason to apologize though. Do you apologize for not being obese?


ETA: Its just as awkward for us to acknowledge the situation as you.


No snark intended.

I ask because my BIL is 6'8 and my guess is 450 pounds. He doesn't fly often (for this reason, he hates it) but he always apologizes to those around him and jokes about it. I'm not sure if it makes the situation better or worse.  I was just curious if others in his situation apologize/talk about it/joke about it or not.

My question had nothing to do with there being "any reason to apologize".  

[LauraMoser]

Oct 17, 2013 22:28:19 GMT -5 @heyitsme said:

Oct 17, 2013 22:18:13 GMT -5 LauraMoser said:

I know you're just curious, and understand that. However, do know that obese people are well aware in these situations. I don't think there is any reason to apologize though. Do you apologize for not being obese?


ETA: Its just as awkward for us to acknowledge the situation as you.


No snark intended.

I ask because my BIL is 6'8 and my guess is 450 pounds. He doesn't fly often (for this reason, he hates it) but he always apologizes to those around him and jokes about it. I'm not sure if it makes the situation better or worse.  I was just curious if others in his situation apologize/talk about it/joke about it or not.

My question had nothing to do with there being "any reason to apologize".  

Oh gotcha. I don't joke about it with strangers, but do with people I know well.

I tend to avoid even acknowledging it in these situations. No sense in making people even more uncomfortable.

[LauraMoser]

Oct 17, 2013 22:22:02 GMT -5 blissanity said:

I'm a snot (read bitch) and HATE flying. So I would have asked to have moved. He would not make my claustrophobia better and I likely would have had a panic attack having someone touch me.

Planes are not my friends and I was thrilled when I learned I can bring in my own booze. Mini shooters clear TSA like nothing. So you bet your ass I'll be bringing those along during my flights.

Glad you survived. And next time, speak up. Changes are they will move you to another seat or him to another row that has nobody in it. Or better yet, 2 empty seats. Seriously, just ask. In all my years of customer service that's one thing I learned ALWAYS ASK!!

I wouldn't think you're a bitch. Well maybe if you were all in my face and terribly disrespectful in how you handle it.

I really do think a lot more obese people than you realize would be relieved and not insulted or upset. Heck, I might ask myself instead of making the smaller person worry about how to handle it.

[wanderlustfoodie]

I am not always bold with strangers so I doubt I would've asked a flight attendant to move and I know I wouldn't have said anything to the guy directly but instead would've waited until I got off the plane to bitch to my husband (poor guy). Or my Internet friends.

But I would send an email to the airline's customer service account. Maybe they'll credit you some miles or give you a flight discount voucher.

[Deleted]

Oct 17, 2013 22:30:41 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Oct 17, 2013 22:16:02 GMT -5 @libgrl said:

Ok in this situation I would have tried to move. Was no one traveling with him? How terrible for all involved!

His entire family was on the opposite side of the aisle. I have NO effing idea what was going on and why he was by himself and they weren't intervening (other than they clearly seemed "off"). I really didn't know what to do or say. It was a completely packed flight. It was not good.

And it was from HAWAII. Omg. It was like six hours.

And I would have asked that a family member switch places with him. That is completely unacceptable. 

I have a (few) flight attendant friends so I ask a lot of questions to see what's appropriate or not. But this, this is completely unacceptable. I would have been livid. Again, customer service means you should not have to sit next to that and HIS family should. Not yours.