F This - Open Letters

[simplyinpenguin]

Let's channel some aggression here...

Dear H,

Thank you oh so very much for throwing away our violation notice, despite my saying that we need to keep it so that I can call their number and find out exactly what the violation is about. Yeah, I can google the number, but why the fuck can't you listen to what I say for once?

From,
Your exasperated, fed-up "Roommate"

Dear HOA,

Since Googling your number, I have been calling it the last 2-2.5 hours trying to reach someone to talk to about this violation and it seems that your offices are empty. I figured, considering you're one of the most worthless HOAs ever. Only fine so that you have time to dine right? At least you're wrong about this one, so good luck to you on whatever endeavors you want to pull with me.

Signed,
One unhappy resident

Dear Former Owner of this Residence,

For the love of God, either call me back or suffer the wrath. Your mail is still coming here, 3 years after you've departed. Some of it looks important too...like the FINES you're getting via your business. However, they're sending the fines' information to US. I've moved heaven and earth to get you this stuff (and to have this stuff stop getting sent to us) but you seem uninterested in your employees paystubs, your current credit line with your bank, your tax information, and now your punishment for whatever you did with your business. If the city comes after our place because of you, I will sue you and I may wind up owning my own business quicker than I thought.

Sincerely,
The Current Owner Fed Up With Your Laziness 

[styme46]

Dear fellow cube land residents,

Turn your fucking phone ringers down. I do not need to hear your phone ringing way on the other side of the office.

Signed,
Irritated co-worker

Dear fellow team member,

Stop fucking rearranging the files in the Shared Drive. If I go into that drive one more time and have to hunt for what I'm looking for because you didn't like where it was and moved it even though you don't use it, I'm going to come unglued. Leave shit alone if it isn't yours.

Signed,
Irritated team meber

[mrsbro]

Dear Migraine,
GO AWAY. I'm in no mood for you. Also, don't come around more frequently since the doctor said fioricet was being taken off the market next year. I need to stockpile.

Signed,
She who hates finding migraine medication that works

Dear Cars on 95,
Please enough already with the horns. There is zero reason for you to beep your horn while doing 65 on the highway. There is no traffic and I have a migraine.

Signed,
She who could use some noise canceling headphones.

[VeryViolet]

Dear cold,

Go the fuck away. I have a ten day old and don't need to deal with this shit too.

Sincerely,
Overly tired, paranoid new mom

Dear house,

Please magically be clean and smell good.

Sincerely,
Too tired to give a shit

[ginap]

Dear weather,
It's OCTOBER. Enough already with the 85 degrees. I just spent a small fortune on fall clothes for my child. I'm tired of seeing the same shorts and t-shirts that she's been wearing since June.
Figure it out. I want some fall weather already.
Sincerely,
Fed up with summer

[DotAndBuzz]

Dear H:
You walk PAST the coat and shoe closet when you come inside from the garage, in order to dump your shoes and coat in the middle of the kitchen. Seriously? Even your 2 year old can figure this out, handle this menial task, and put her own shit away. Figure it out.
Love,
your wife who is about to box up all your fucking shoes and donate them if I trip over them in front of the dishwasher one more time

[pedanticwench]

Dear H: I'm really horned up from reading the code pink thread, so get ready.

Dear Mom: I stood up for you and this is how you treat me? That hurts.

Dear hair: Grow faster! I need to be able to put you in a ponytail ASAP.

[ginap]

Oct 18, 2013 14:10:47 GMT -5 DotAndBuzz said:

Dear H:
You walk PAST the coat and shoe closet when you come inside from the garage, in order to dump your shoes and coat in the middle of the kitchen. Seriously? Even your 2 year old can figure this out, handle this menial task, and put her own shit away. Figure it out.
Love,
your wife who is about to box up all your fucking shoes and donate them if I trip over them in front of the dishwasher one more time

To piggy back on this:

Dear Husband, 
STOP LEAVING YOUR FUCKING DIRTY SOCKS ALL OVER THE LIVING ROOM.  It's a room not a hamper. I am going to start setting fire to any rogue socks I find them under your desk or on the couch.
Love and kisses,
Your match-happy wife.

[Deleted]

Dear Sleep,
Do not blow me off tonight. I need you.. if I am going to get through the next 6 hours of work and work 5am tomorrow I am going to be counting on you to step it up

[Deleted]

Oct 18, 2013 14:13:38 GMT -5 ginap said:

Oct 18, 2013 14:10:47 GMT -5 DotAndBuzz said:

Dear H:
You walk PAST the coat and shoe closet when you come inside from the garage, in order to dump your shoes and coat in the middle of the kitchen. Seriously? Even your 2 year old can figure this out, handle this menial task, and put her own shit away. Figure it out.
Love,
your wife who is about to box up all your fucking shoes and donate them if I trip over them in front of the dishwasher one more time

To piggy back on this:

Dear Husband, 
STOP LEAVING YOUR FUCKING DIRTY SOCKS ALL OVER THE LIVING ROOM.  It's a room not a hamper. I am going to start setting fire to any rogue socks I find them under your desk or on the couch.
Love and kisses,
Your match-happy wife.

double piggy back

Dear DH,
When you sort the laundry that has been washed and dried DON"T throw it all on DS's bed because come bedtime it all ends up on the floor. fold the shit and put it the fuck away

Signed
Mama's gonna snap

[chedominique]

Dear CVS,

Stop jacking up the price for Shea Moisture's Curl Enhancing Smoothie. I do not want to pay an extra 3 dollars on a product that is under $10 at other stores.

Sincerely,
Give me my $3 back

----
Dear Time,

Can you please speed up?

Sincerely,
Girl who has no work to do

----------
Dear A.R.E,

Stop making me feel the way I do. You know I love you but you keep pissing me off.

Sincerely,
Che

[gretchenindisguise]

Dear stomach,

Please stop gurgling. The pho was yummy.

Signed,

I hate pooping at work.

[disappointedkittens]

Dear Sister,

I can't believe you told mom and dad not to keep my dog while I go on vacation so that I'd have to skip it. The fact that you already have 2 kids does not mean that I don't "deserve" a vacation, and shouldn't get one because you aren't taking one.

I think that you are a mean, pathetic person. I wish I could say I was shocked by your actions, but you've done this type of things so many times before.

Signed,
Someone who has had enough of you

[firedancer49]

Dear cramps,
Please go the fuck away! I know it's been almost two months, but stop!


Dear period,
WTF is up with you? Missing for two months, too many sticks peed on (obviously neg)... I don't want to see you!

[snickers]

Dear Mom:
Thanks for all of your care and concern, but I am sick of hearing all of your advice, some of which is ridiculous. You haven't had a baby in 26 years, and times have changed since then. Just because you did something one way does not mean I have to do it that way also.

Love,
Snickers.

[Deleted]

Dear mom,
If you bug me about telling you the name of the baby, I'm not going to tell you his name until he's 21!

Signed,
your cranky pregnant daughter