I feel awful/scared for my mom

[spedrunner]

Ive posted about this before. My father is and always has been an alcoholic, hes very old school, polish and stuck in his ways. He has been to rehab numerous times, sober a few years here and there, well now he's 64 and just works and drinks. He justifies it bc he holds a job and pretty much supports (and has supported) them.

My mom put up with so much verbal and at times physical abuse. She is in just as much denial as him, she is totally an enabler. She lies to me so that i dont worry, she denies his abuse has any affect on her and that she just blows it off, etc etc.  She is miserable but will not admit it bc she does not want me to worry, etc

Ive asked her to go see my therapist who is amazing , she says she has NO intentions of leaving at this point bc #1 he would die without her (he literally would i am sure) and #2 she says she cant support herself at this point (I feel there are options and i know there are)

ANyway, she refuses to go and keeps putting off her health and well being. She does EVERYTHING to please him and keep him happy, she has even began denying he is drunk when he clearly is belligerent. I know she has a problem too, but i feel like she can still get help, if she wanted to . I realize i cant control her and her decisions, but its just so hard to watch


The latest that has bme pissed....She has STREP throat right now, finally got her to see the dr. she is on antibiotics, she sounds horrble, hasnt eaten, run down, finally sounds better (clearer) Today, he throat was just completely swollen,

My father got drunk this monring (yup 7 am ) and forced her to take him mushroom picking (He cant drive, lost his license, however he will still try to drive so my mom rather take him), i told her she is nuts and needs to go home, she said if she didnt he would bother her until she did (this is very true, he will follow her like a 2 year old and bug the crap out of her, very immature/old school)

She is SICK as a dog and needs rest and instead is out driving him around while he yells and screams at her (I was on the phone) "YOU lazy B*Tch, you missed the turn, just go the F home, you worthless, etc etcetc"

I will always love him bc he is my father and we did have good times growing up BUT i cant stand him any longer. I wont even be in the same room as him. He annoys me and disguists me and i hate that he has destroyed my mom. I will call my mom sometimes, he will pick up and i just hang up bc i literally want to vomit at the sound of his voice

I guess this is more of a vent. I just hate that she is such an amazing/caring person and deserves happiness BUT refuses to do anything about it. I know its out of my control but its still hard to watch.  

Thanks  for letting me vent ML



 

[bittybomb]

I could have written this post. My mother, I don't think, can leave him because she is just as codependent on him as he is on her. It's sick but I know it's true. He has been hospitalized a few times recently (he is an epileptic) and she falls to pieces without him. I'm like, in my head anyway, "really? Like you're not enjoying the peace for even a second?" She is handicapped though and my father, when sober, really is the nicest guy and does take care of her. But he is a ticking time bomb and you never know when he will explode. It is certainly no way to live. I'm sorry:(

[Booze Raccoon]

Horrible. Unfortunately your mom can't help herself until she wants to. I'm sorry for you and her.

[shostakovich]

I'm so sorry, sped. This must be so hard for you to sit by and watch, and your poor mom

[flex]

sped: do you go to Al-Anon? If not, you should check it out. You need it and they can help you. Even if it's just as a sounding board.

[murdock]

I'm sorry. My dad's a 7 AMer, too. I second Flex.

[snickers]

I am so sorry, that is awful

[spedrunner]

Oct 19, 2013 9:24:48 GMT -5 flex said:

sped: do you go to Al-Anon? If not, you should check it out. You need it and they can help you. Even if it's just as a sounding board.

I have gone before. I am also in therapy, it has helped immensely.  I did alteen when i was young too, it was def helpful