Your first step really needs to be a check up with your doctor. Run some blood work. Talk about how you feel. Go from there (and definitely look into any preschool options in your area).
Yes I think you're right. DH said tonight "are you okay? You seem 'off' lately." I need to find a GP and see if everything's alright. My mom has serious thyroid issues, so there's definite family history with that. And my church is starting a weekly Mom's Day Out, I'm meeting the teacher tomorrow.
Yes, we have a full plate but I used to be able to handle that okay, and with FAR less sleep! I don't know why I'm so tired now, instead of before when I was getting 4-6 hours of fragmented sleep.
Huh. Yeah, I would definitely see your doctor then. Something could be out of whack - iron, a hormone or two, who knows.
And for goodness sake, get some child care during the week so you can get a break! Everyone needs some time for themselves.
I think putting him in preschool part time would be good so you have some me time.
And leave him with your husband more, like saturday mornings or sunday afternoons
Yup, Sunday afternoons starting tomorrow! I don't plan on rushing home right after yoga either. I'll probably stop and get a latte or something.
Ahhhhh I get anxious thinking about leaving DS at church or preschool. I've never done it before! He's only been with us or my parents. He's an easy kid so my brain knows he'll be fine, but my heart is like " that's my baaaaaabyyyy!" KWIM?
dexteroni TBH I feel bad asking for more me time. DH gets the same or less than I do, there's no babysitter or school that will give him a break from his obligations. He wakes up at 6, gets to work at 7:30, works until 4, gets home at 5:30, gets 30 mins to himself while I cook dinner, then it's the dinner-bath-bedtime routine whirlwind. We both flop on the couch from 8:30-10 and go to bed. I'm not sure how I would even approach the idea of paying for childcare right now.
Thanks everybody for your kind words and advice. I'm off to bed, I'll check this thread in the morning.
dexteroni TBH I feel bad asking for more me time. DH gets the same or less than I do, there's no babysitter or school that will give him a break from his obligations. He wakes up at 6, gets to work at 7:30, works until 4, gets home at 5:30, gets 30 mins to himself while I cook dinner, then it's the dinner-bath-bedtime routine whirlwind. We both flop on the couch from 8:30-10 and go to bed. I'm not sure how I would even approach the idea of paying for childcare right now.
Thanks everybody for your kind words and advice. I'm off to bed, I'll check this thread in the morning.
I assume he is not carpooling with anyone. He gets two hours by himself during his commute. It may not be ideal alone time, but it is alone time. For me, as a working parent, work is a type of a break. Yes it is work, but it is a different type of work than taking care of DD. If the farm lifestyle is something you as a family are not willing to give up, have you consider having your DH change jobs?
I think putting him in preschool part time would be good so you have some me time.
And leave him with your husband more, like saturday mornings or sunday afternoons
Yup, Sunday afternoons starting tomorrow! I don't plan on rushing home right after yoga either. I'll probably stop and get a latte or something.
Ahhhhh I get anxious thinking about leaving DS at church or preschool. I've never done it before! He's only been with us or my parents. He's an easy kid so my brain knows he'll be fine, but my heart is like " that's my baaaaaabyyyy!" KWIM?
I do BUT dd goes to MDO twice a week and loooooves it. Her teacher is amazing and my dd just adores her. She loves being around other kids and doing different things. It's been such a wonderful thing for her and I'm sure you'll find the same for your DS. Knowing how much she likes it helps keep me from getting too anxious about it, though I will admit that I have been out and miss her desperately so I pick her up a tad early.
Also, it's not just that it's a break for me. It's a regularly scheduled break that I don't have to ask anyone else to do. I don't have to coordinate with my DH, mom, or a babysitter. It's hard to explain but something about that really makes it even better for me.
Give it a try if you think it's a good fit for you. I think it will help you a lot. It really refreshes me
ETA: Me time vs. DH's me time: Don't feel guilty. Your responsibilities are different. You are at home but it's non-stop at home. You are always on and always in charge. You might not have deadlines, per se, but you still have things you have to do and, with the farm chores, it sounds like you don't really get much down time. MDO will be, what, 5 hours? It's not like you are sending him to full time daycare while you sit on the couch and read every day.
Post by Willis Jackson on Oct 20, 2013 9:22:21 GMT -5
Your DH gets a break in that he gets a change of scenery and a change in responsibilities. That's big. Technically we have a policy where my DH gets Saturday afternoons to himself (and I get Sunday afternoons) but he often chooses to spend it with the kids anyway because he's not burnt out on them.
It might also be the weather. I need more sleep and have a harder time waking up in the morning when it's cold.
Definitely go to the dr and get checked out, though.
I think the monotony of life can get tiring. For me it helps to change up my routine, connect with friends, plan fun event, etc.
I agree with this. I do much better with the kids if we do something that allows me to interact with other grown-ups! Things like stroller strides (exercise class), a playground trip, or a museum outing can do wonders for both me and the kids!
dexteroni TBH I feel bad asking for more me time. DH gets the same or less than I do, there's no babysitter or school that will give him a break from his obligations. He wakes up at 6, gets to work at 7:30, works until 4, gets home at 5:30, gets 30 mins to himself while I cook dinner, then it's the dinner-bath-bedtime routine whirlwind. We both flop on the couch from 8:30-10 and go to bed. I'm not sure how I would even approach the idea of paying for childcare right now.
Thanks everybody for your kind words and advice. I'm off to bed, I'll check this thread in the morning.
But going to work itself is somewhat of a break. I remember my sister saying when my nephews were young that the same job she used to find stressful before kids, she now found relaxing compared to being at home with two small boys. Will your DH really care that you get a break that he doesn't, when it will protect your health and make you a better caregiver to DS? I doubt it. And if he does, he's a jerk.
Honestly, you've posted about your situation multiple times, and while I feel for you, you also shoot down pretty much every suggestion you get. I can't go back to work, I can't pay for a babysitter, we can't not farm, I can't leave DS for one second. Come on. You can do SOMETHING, and it sounds like you need to. Having a burned-out primary care giver isn't what's best for your DS. He will be SO much better off going to MDO or preschool or whatever for a few hours a week and coming home to a refreshed and happy mom.
Thanks dexteroni, I appreciate the honesty. I do NOT want to be one if "those posters" who ask for advice and never take it, just shooting down every suggestion. I met the MDO teacher this morning and she seemed very nice, so I'll start doing that. I also went to yoga today and went to Starbucks afterward, it was heavenly! I was gone for four hours! DH was super sweet when I got home, asked me how class was, I changed my clothes, etc. He didn't thrust DS at me like I expected. So already lots of improvement today!
If i continue to feel down after more exercise and me time, I'll see the doctor @tokenhoser.
You should have a GP anyway, lady! Glad you had a nice day.
I just know I lived with low-level symptoms that I attributed to stress, being a Debbie Downer, and other random life crap... and then it turned out there was a nice simple reason I felt like junk.
Hi @meepmeep! We have a large garden, meat rabbits, laying hens, and meat chickens. So nothing to milk. The rabbits and laying hens we have year round, we don't do meat chickens in the winter (we're about to harvest our latch batch for the year). The farm chores take about an hour a day for basic caregiving, plus 3-4 hours each weekend for some farm-related project (harvesting animals, cleaning the coop or barn, etc...). Oh trust me, we're not adding milking an animal to that!
I just need to vent and have time to type right now. I don't know if it's all the rain so DS and I were stuck indoors, or DH being grumpy from bad work days, or what, but I am just...tired. Physically and emotionally. Nothing's "wrong" per se, DH and I are okay and DS is mostly a really great kid. He sleeps 12 hours straight, and a 1.5-2 hour nap. I get at least 8 hours of sleep a night, often 10. So why I am so tired? My patience wanes fast, I'm snippy with DS and DH, I get annoyed at the tiniest things, and don't enjoy the things I used to. Is this depression? I don't feel sad or anxious, just...tired. Tired of parenting. I'm always in charge. I choose when DS eats and sleeps, what activities the two or three of us do, what DS wears etc..etc... Every time DH says "I don't know, whatever you want" I just want to scream. PICK SOMETHING! I'm tired of choosing everything! We just had a long baby-free day last week, we played pool and darts and had a lovely fancy dinner. So I don't know if more baby-free time is the answer. I'm going back to yoga tomorrow, hopefully that helps. What's wrong with me?
I don't have any advice beyond what others have given you, but I just wanted to say I've been there too. In fact, I've often said the same thing to my DH - I just want to not have to be in charge for once! I remember really identifying with your mother's day post too. I've struggled with depression and I'm on an anti-depressant now - therapy and/or medication might help lighten your load too. **Hugs**