I want to keep an open mind, photography at funerals

[havenotmetyouyet]

I live in mid atlantic area. I just went to a funeral in Indiana (nearish to Chicago) for my grandmother. One of my aunts (her daughter in law) took several pictures using her phone of her in the casket at the funeral home and video/photos of her casket being lowered into the ground at the gravesite (not used to that being done, around here we leave and I guess assume the casket gets placed in the ground). Noone seemed to bat an eye and several people looked at the photographs later claiming they saw a light. This particular aunt lives in Las Vegas though I believe she is from somewhere else. When an uncle of ours died a few years ago (also in Indiana), they apparently took pictures of that and offered to show it to us. We declined to see them.

Fast forward, last week back in here at home I went to a ceremony put on by the hospital where I had my d/c where they bury the remains of the babies that didn't make it. There was someone filming that again on a camera phone. This person at least 3 times that I saw turned around to film the audience, liked panned across slowly. At one point, I leaned down sniffing a rose they gave us to place on the casket and I look up to her leaning forward with her camera phone pointed directly at me.

In the first circumstance, we're all family. In the second one, we're all strangers. I just don't get it but trying to keep an open mind as I know different families have different traditions.

[mbcdefg]

I've heard of people taking a photo of the body in the casket ... not often, but sometimes. I think there's one floating around in my family from a few generations ago.

The situation with the babies is just terrible.

[badtzmaru22]

I have heard of people taking photos of the person in the casket. The specific instance I've seen was a person from an older generation doing it. Midwest. Not sure if it's regional.

The chick videotaping would have gotten at minimum a WTF face from me, possibly a verbal WTF. If she was close enough, I'd need all the restraint in the world to not knock her phone out of her hand. WHO DOES THAT?

[winnied]

I think it's weird but I suppose everyone grieves differently. To be honest I'm fairly dead inside and don't relate to people who do these things.

[Poeticxpassion]

The baby one is not OK at all. I don't want photos/videos of me at a funeral or grieving in anyway. The first one I understand. However, when my uncle passed last October and we had his funeral, no one took photos. Maybe it is an older generation thing?

[Deleted]

I have seen this practice, and find it bizarre.

I remember during my grandma's funeral, my aunt having someone take a picture of her and her husband posing in front of the open niche (for lack of the real word) that my grandma's cremains were put in, right after the urn was put in but before the door was closed. WHAT DO YOU NEED THAT PICTURE FOR???

I think the only one I understand is taking a picture of the tombstone to show relatives far away how it turned out?

[mbcdefg]

Oct 23, 2013 13:58:03 GMT -5 v said:

I have seen this practice, and find it bizarre.

I remember during my grandma's funeral, my aunt having someone take a picture of her and her husband posing in front of the open niche (for lack of the real word) that my grandma's cremains were put in, right after the urn was put in but before the door was closed. WHAT DO YOU NEED THAT PICTURE FOR???

I think the only one I understand is taking a picture of the tombstone to show relatives far away how it turned out?

I'm surprised that my aunt* didn't do that during my father's wake/funeral.

* The same aunt who's always lived 10 miles away from us and yet we've seen her maybe once a year if that, and spent about two minutes with my dad while he was on his deathbed, yet had no problem bringing her entire workplace to his wake so she could weep with them over the loss of her beloved brother. Fucker.

[orangeblossom]

The first instance wouldn't really upset me. I think my father may have some picture of my mother in her casket. I hope if he does, that I never see them.

As far as the second instance, that is so out of line it's not even funny. I do not know why people feel like everything must be photographed or recorded these days. If she just had to tape in this instance, why wouldn't she just focus on the person doing the speaking, flowers, etc, but to focus on a particular person WTH.

[sjh722]

I live near Chicago and have never seen someone take a photo of the deceased, nor seen photos like that.

Once I saw pictures someone had uploaded to FB (not from IN or IL), so maybe it's more common than we think, but not widespread?

[Deleted]

I've seen pictures of family taken at funerals because in some cases, all the family hasn't been together for years. But taking pictures of the body in the casket is a little weird to me-what would you want them for? I mean, I'd rather share photos of the person when they were alive.

The person taking a picture/video at the memorial is just odd. I would have been p^ssed if someone snapped a picture of me at that moment.

[iheartbanjos]

DH and his brother have nice cameras and take photos at all family funerals. They take photos of all the family members that have attended the funeral since this and weddings are the only time we all get together anymore. They don't take pictures of the body because no matter how well the mortician does, they never look how you want to remember them, especially if they died from a terminal illness.

DH's mom's side is Irish Catholic and their wakes pretty much turn into ragers. That is when most of the photos are taken, although many are taken at the luncheon put on by the church. Pictures are rarely taken at the viewing or funeral.

[redheadbaker]

I, too, was at a remembrance service last week for the pregnancies/babies at the hospital that didn't make it. If someone had filmed me grieving, I'd be in jail right now.

I'm mobile and miss my physical keyboard!

[Deleted]

My uncle takes pictures of the casket at every funeral. He also used to take pictures of people grieving. This is the same guy who takes pictures of car wrecks.

I've never approved and a lot of people didn't like it. I guess word got around in the family and someone told him to cut that shit out. The last few funerals he's waited until everyone has cleared out and he no longer tries to photograph us and grieving.

He's worked in the field and he's kind of numb to death. He's also a devout Christian and literally thinks dying is awesome because JESUS! Like, dude will cry over someone who dies, but is simultaneously grinning from ear to ear because "they're in heaven!"

[ESF]

I don't really care if someone wants to film or take pictures if it is what will help them grieve.

It is incredibly insensitive to film someone else grieving though.

[Deleted]

My uncle got a picture with my dad's casket before it was lowered into the ground. I was like  ^o) but this uncle is kind of a weirdo anyway, so no one was too surprised.

Then my family posed for a picture with the Marines who did the 21-gun salute at the cemetery. It was super-awkward. Do you smile? Look somber? (At least the men were attractive LOL)

[genet313]

Oct 23, 2013 13:56:39 GMT -5 @bluesky said:

IMO, open casket pics are not appropriate. The deceased likely does not want to be remembered that way. I don't approve of grieving guest pics either. Funeral pics in general (like the plot or closed casket with flowers) I don't have an issue with, although I'd personally wouldn't do it.

Oh, so much this.  Half the time I feel like open casket is done b/c it's what the family wants - not what the deceased would have wanted.  Does anyone really want to be remembered with all that terrible fake make up and stuff on?  Ugh.  At least I don't!

Grieving guest pics are even worse.

ETA: I bet this never really happened before camera phones and the like.  It's much harder to sneak a photo with self-focusing film...

[Deleted]

Oct 23, 2013 14:22:40 GMT -5 genet313 said:

ETA: I bet this never really happened before camera phones and the like.  It's much harder to sneak a photo with self-focusing film...

My uncle never sneaked photos, he would straight up use his 35mm camera while people were sitting directly behind him crying.

I first remember him taking pics in 1994 when my other uncle died in a car accident. He tried to give us all a print of him in the casket, like as a momento or something. It shouldn't have even been an open casket considering the injuries he sustained, let alone taking pictures.

He also has Polaroids of people in caskets, so he's been doing it well before my time.

[havenotmetyouyet]

good point about the camera phones, I was wondering if this was something "new" we have to deal with, like technology is faster than etiquette

[mrssandro]

This is very common in Europe. Specifically my husbands country of Croatia. I have seen so many funeral pictures from Croatia I thought it was strange at first.

[genet313]

Oct 23, 2013 14:41:29 GMT -5 papiercherri said:

Oct 23, 2013 14:22:40 GMT -5 genet313 said:

ETA: I bet this never really happened before camera phones and the like.  It's much harder to sneak a photo with self-focusing film...

My uncle never sneaked photos, he would straight up use his 35mm camera while people were sitting directly behind him crying.

I first remember him taking pics in 1994 when my other uncle died in a car accident. He tried to give us all a print of him in the casket, like as a momento or something. It shouldn't have even been an open casket considering the injuries he sustained, let alone taking pictures.

He also has Polaroids of people in caskets, so he's been doing it well before my time.

OMG, no!!!!  That just seems so wrong to me.