The worst thing for me about getting divorced was losing the history. We spent 10 years together and I saw life through the lens of us together. Suddenly, we were apart, and it was like losing an anchor and floating through the world for a while. It didn't help that I relocated halfway across the country six months into our separation. That forced me not to wallow, though. I got to rebuild my life exactly the way I wanted it to be.
I had a ridiculous rebound relationship, then didn't date by choice for a year after that. It was nice just telling myself that was the rule, so I didn't have to think about it at all.
Sure, it's a struggle at times to be alone, but this is your chance to start over and not put up with ANY of the BS you've been dealing with before. It is so nice. Your life will be your own, to do with as you want! I grew so much after my divorce. I never have a minute of regret for making that choice. And I believe my XH is a happier person now, too.
Post by sparkythelawyer on Oct 27, 2013 20:33:46 GMT -5
I cannot wait for about a year from now, when you are through the worst of it, and you are so much happier. Because you will be, when you no longer have to tip toe around someone the profound issues that dominate your husband and your relationship with him. You will be so much happier when this is all done. I cannot wait for it for you :-)
:*( I'm so sorry, MB. I had hoped over the years you 2 would make it. But, you deserve to be happy and I don't know that this has been doing it for you, not for lack of trying.
I"m so sorry and I think peeps in here give some great advice on steps to take.
I do wish I could wave a wand and make it all better though. I"m so sorry.
montereybride I went through the same thing with my H, and I have two small children. Once you move out, you will realize how much better you feel. Do you think the split could be amicable? H and I are in no hurry to divorce, we have a lot of stuff to figure out and we both know this is the best thing for our family. So we living apart and slowly working through stuff. The only lawyer we have talked to so far is a bankruptcy lawyer. We have separated money, but we still give each other a little cash if the other needs some. I'm sorry you are going through this, it really sucks at the beginning, but it goes up from there.
I was with ex for 9.5 years, living together for 6. I know it's hard to do, but try focusing on the positive things that are going to come from this.
You will no longer have to hear passive aggressive digs every day. You can do whatever you want without worrying about someone else, whether it's getting your favorite takeout or taking off for a weekend on a last minute getaway. You get to discover completely new hobbies, interests and talents that you would never have the opportunity to before. You're going to get to find yourself, completely independent of someone that brings you down. You are starting an entirely new, fresh chapter. You're an amazing, beautiful, smart woman and you have your entire life ahead of you. You are going to have so many new adventures and stories and experiences! You can be whoever you want! You have a chance to completely change your life and make it exactly how YOU want it!
And you are going to be absolutely, 100% fine. It's the first steps that are the scariest. I promise. Pretty soon though? You are going to look back and say "Man, I shoulda done that so much sooner! That wasn't nearly as bad as I was afraid of." (((mb)))
I could write this word for word (except we were together more like 8.5 years).
Seriously, I don't envy you but it gets so much better and you'll look back and wonder what you were thinking.
Honestly, dating is terrifying but I think it's a good scary. It's a hopeful one. I don't know about you, but being married to someone you aren't happy with is like a hopeless thing. At least along with dating fear there's this positive hope that you might end up really happy.