Parents paying for college, expectations

[sunshineluv]

I expected them to, and appreciated it. But I only expected it because they told me they were paying for my college. (With the rules in-state public, 4 years, and that's it).

[ssmjlm]

My parents told me they would pay for college and had setup a college fund. I never had to ask, it was always known. We discussed it and my parents said for 4 years, I could spend up to $X a year, give or take.

I always did well in school, started researching and visiting colleges early, and never took anything for granted.

[msmerymac]

Um, yes, because that was always their expectation: that I would go to whatever college I could get into and it would be paid for. Well, actually, I had an education trust that was left to me by my maternal grandmother, so that covered a lot. My parents probably put in about $20k out of pocket, I'd say. I was also a resident assistant and I graduated a semester early and I got a small scholarship, so I helped out in that way.

That's not to say I'm not grateful. I most certainly am! I did, however, pay for my own grad school (that was also an expectation - their contribution stopped after undergrad).

My husband and I plan on doing the same for our children. Not with loans, but with investments and cash flow specifically pegged to our children's education.

[flygirl22]

No, I didn't but I also knew they couldn't afford to. Now, if my parents were fairly wealthy I may have had different expectations. I assume this is something that parents discuss with their children if it not clear based on circumstances.

[Deleted]

I never expected it. My parents paid for two year at a junior college and I paid to finish at a state university.

I'm amazed how many employees I've had in their 40's and 50's who take out 401k funds to pay for their kid's college.

I think parents need to think about their own financial situation before they go putting their finances on the line to send a kid to college. I also think a lot of parents who finance their kid's college are uneducated about the options they may have, especially if they never went to college themselves. ETA: I mean "finance" as in take out loans and withdrawal 401k funds for their kids, not simply wiring a check from a stack-o-cash they saved up.

[heyrebekah]

I expected it, but not without reason. They had always told me they would, and I was very appreciative.

[Deleted]

I never expected them to and they didn't. Scholarships paid for my first year, part time and summer jobs paid for the remaining years.

I did expect them to allow me to keep living at home, though (University was in my home town). I did live at home for 1st and 2nd year, until I moved in with now-DH.

[crashgizmo]

I never had the expectation. My parents had a college fund for us, then hit hard times and spent it. My mom helped me w/expenses the first few years (insurance, gas, etc) but I didn't expect them to pay for me. Hence why I went to a state school and still have SL's.

[cajunmom]

I didn't expect them to, and they didn't. I got loans.

Only one of my three sisters went to college. She got loans, as well. My mom paid off some of my sister's loans. Not a lot, maybe a couple of thousand.

She kept telling me that she would help pay off my loan. She never did. I actually paid off the last little bit just this morning.

Yes, that irks me. If she hadn't told me that she would help it wouldn't have been as annoying.

[sproutmd]

No, I had to pay for my own sports fees, car insurance, and some clothes in high school, so I knew I was on my own. My loans will be paid off next September, so expect an AW post at that time!

[Velvetshady]

I only expected them to pay for it because they said they would. When we were teens, my parents told us they would pay for four years of post-HS professional schooling, including housing costs/etc. If not college, trade school/etc would be the same deal. They told us that they would pay $XXXX toward a car for college/whatever graduation. If we didn't go into some type of professional schooling after HS graduation, we would get the help purchasing a car and we had to support ourselves 100% within 1 month after HS graduation. They also said our part of that bargain was that upon graduation from college/whatever on, we would be responsible for everything going forward. They sold their house and left the country while I was in college/when my brother started grad school so moving home was not an option. They did end up helping my brother some in grad school and paid for an additional semester for me to double major.

DH got no money for college from his family (they couldn't afford it). He worked full time for a few years to save money for school, worked part-time during school, and was an RA so he could go. He graduated with only one semester worth of tuition in SLs.

[jene]

My parents were pretty upfront that they would be paying for college at an in state, public institution. I feel fortunate that they did that for me.

[mrshandy]

I would have been appreciative if my parents paid for college.

But they didn't because they said we would appreciate it more. I guess we did, but really my sister and I were at the top of our class in a competitive private high school. We worked our asses off in high school, so the likelihood that we would have just blown off college just because my parents paid for it is very low.

My parents had talked about a college fund when we were younger, but we never saw a dime of it. Sometime during high school my dad basically told us we were on our own and we should get scholarships. I applied for a billion scholarships and got a few, but not nearly enough to cover college. So SLs it was and I'll be paying them off forever.

[kershnic]

My sister was 7 Years ahead of me in school and they did it for her, so yes, I expected they would for me. But that was their expectation too so I wasn't incorrect. I anticipate that my own children will know long ahead of time what we can and cannot pay for for them.

[mbcdefg]

We actually never talked about it ... they never explicitly said that they'd pay and I never asked. They just told me to fill out the FAFSA. And they never would've been able to afford to pay outright anyway ... they would've had to take out loans.

I wound up going to a local commuter school for several reasons:
- I didn't have a clear favorite of the other schools I'd been accepted to. I figured I could always transfer after a year if I didn't like it.
- They offered me a half-tuition scholarship
- I didn't want them to take out loans.

I wound up with a small loan that we just paid this year, and I paid the rest of it through the scholarship, a yearly partial reimbursement check from participating in student government, and my personal savings (I worked on campus PT and also worked over the summer). I think my parents helped me pay for books a few times and they gave me a nice savings bond as a graduation gift. I lived at home with them until I was 24, so that was room and board right there. During freshman year they'd sometimes give me bus fare, and in sophomore year they gave me a clunker car and a gas credit card/car insurance that they paid for until I graduated and got a FT job. Plus they paid for my cell phone (up until I was 28, actually).

My brother got a grant for school but they also took out loans and, I think, a second or third mortgage to help him. They also took out loans for my sister, and she dropped out after a couple years which REALLY pissed them off. I know that she's still repaying her loans at a very slow rate - IDK about my brother.

[ddi741]

Nope. They were very clear that if I wanted to go, I would pay and they would help if they decided to.

[elletr13]

My tuition & fees were covered by Georgia's HOPE scholarship. My parents covered living expenses, sorority dues, etc. When I finally moved into an apartment, they still paid rent & utilities, but I had a part time job as well.

They never wanted me to take out student loans. That was a "gift" to me. Although I was told if I lost the HOPE (below 3.0 GPA), I'd have to move back home and go to the local community college. Nope nope nope!

[Deleted]

Yes, I did expect it, because that's what we were told all along.

I don't know whether there was a price cap though -- I didn't apply to any private schools, so I don't know if they would have paid for them. They paid for my out of state state school. They did try to bribe me to go to Rutgers instead because it was cheaper (although the bribes were worth more than the tuition difference), but yeah -- no thanks.

I did not expect them to pay for law school, because they never said they would pay for law school. They ended up paying for most of my living expenses during those years (nice surprise), but not my tuition.

[dottyblue]

We never talked about it. I just knew that there was no way they could afford to pay for college. I worked my ass of for a pretty decent scholarship at a small college (not local, but accredited and more reasonably priced than our state universities), had them fill out the FAFSA each year so I could get the subsidized loans and then worked every semester. I paid off school 5 years after graduating.

I hope to pay for at least part of my child's (children's?) college tuition if not all of it, but I don't know that we'll be inclined to take out loans to cover it.

[dragonfly08]

I expected them to help...not because they owed a college education, specifically, to me, but because that's just the way they raised me. For them (my dad, especially) not to at least have offered what they could would have been out of character for them. I definitely appreciated it, and even transferred after my sophomore year when I changed my major and knew I could actually get a better education in that field at a far less expensive school.

We already have 529s set up to save for our girls. While we know we won't be able to cover everything when the time comes and the kids will be expected to help with work study, loans, etc., they'll have a very good sense of how much we can contribute and make choices about where to go, how much debt to open themselves up to, etc. accordingly.

[DirtySouth]

It was pretty much always a given when I was growing up that my parents would pay for college.  When we started looking at college options, I knew that they would need to give me limitations based on what they could afford, and if they had said all they could do was a state school, then I would have only looked at public schools.  That said, when we started looking, my parents wanted me to go wherever I wanted to go, and my mom planned to go back to work full time if I picked a private school.  This wasn't an expectation of mine, but I have very generous parents.  I ended up going to a state school on a scholarship, so my undergraduate education was dirt cheap.  As a result, my parents offered to help pay for law school.  I took out federal loans for private school tuition and my parents paid all of my living expenses.  If I had chosen a state law school they would have paid for everything and I wouldn't have taken out loans.  They wouldn't have been able to do that if my undergraduate education hadn't been so inexpensive.

My parents would never consider going into debt to help finance my education, though, and I wouldn't have let them do that even if they were willing.

I plan to do the same thing for my kids.  Yes, I will absolutely pay for college, but it might be offering the equivalent of public school tuition, room and board, and anything above that is up to them.  I'll certainly do more if they choose a more expensive option and I'm able.

[Deleted]

Definitely not. My parents promised me before I left for college that they would pay for everything that financial aid didn't cover (I got a good bit of fin. aid) because they wanted me to focus on my studies and not work. Three weeks into the school year they changed their mind and I had to get a job and extra loans to cover the difference. It wasn't a big deal to me, but it would have been nice to stress a little less about money.
I answered in the post about not telling your parents how much you make that my parents did ultimately give me <$2000 for college which I thought was a gift because of the earlier agreement, but they wanted it all back after I graduated.
Not what you asked, but I plan to help my children but not fully fund their education. DH and I plan to give each child a set amount each year or sememster that they can use for living expenses, tuition, etc. and they will need to make up the difference. We are actively saving but haven't determined what the "set amount" will be.

[Poeticxpassion]

I didn't expect them to and they didn't. I took out loans .

[Deleted]

I pretty much paid for everything since I got a job at 16 so no, I didn't expect my parents to pay for my college. In fact in prior jobs, my dad took the money I earned and then acted like he was doing me a major favor giving it back to me when I was a freshman.
H's bro and SIL have taken out at least 10K in loans for their daughter to go to school. She's a junior this year and already has at least 60K in debt.

We set aside money for DS--who knows if it will be enough, but we'll pay as much as we can without incurring any debt.

[lime]

Well, that was my parents' expectation, so I guess I was always raised with that in mind.

I went to a state school, which was a Public Ivy. I was not allowed to consider private schools or anything out of state, for financial reasons.

I would not also have been allowed to go to a CC.

[wanderlustfoodie]

I took out the maximum federal loan limit, and my parents paid the rest. I've already repaid the entirety of those loans for both college and law school. In hindsight, I wish that they had had me take out private loans as well (they didn't want me to have to deal with the higher interest rate once I graduated) because in hindsight it would've been easy for me to pay those off, too, and had they taken out more loans they could've had even more money for themselves. My gratitude about this is just part of the reason why I am so generous with them now.

[DirtySouth]

Oct 29, 2013 11:45:05 GMT -5 elletr13 said:

My tuition & fees were covered by Georgia's HOPE scholarship. My parents covered living expenses, sorority dues, etc. When I finally moved into an apartment, they still paid rent & utilities, but I had a part time job as well.

They never wanted me to take out student loans. That was a "gift" to me. Although I was told if I lost the HOPE (below 3.0 GPA), I'd have to move back home and go to the local community college. Nope nope nope!

My parents also said that if I lost HOPE, then tuition was up to me.  It wasn't that my parents couldn't afford it, as they were willing to pay for private school, but they would have also pulled all funding for a private school if I had less than a 3.0.  I think that all parents who fund college should insist on a minimum gpa to continue financial support. 

A girl I grew up with actually dropped out of college, but kept accepting her parents checks for her living expenses.  I guess they didn't insist on seeing report cards, because I'm pretty sure she did this for a year! 

[peachdragon]

Unfortunately my parents never were upfront with me about what would happen for college. It was always expected I'd go, but I never knew who would pay. Maybe I did expect them to? It was a moot point because I got a full ride scholarship.

We definitely will let our daughter know what is expected of her WAY before college.

[Deleted]

No. We didn't grow up with much money and I knew they could only afford to give me so much and that it wouldn't cover the whole thing. I was and am very appreciative for what they could give me though.

[runblondie26]

My parents always told me they would pay for college if I did well in school. They placed no restrictions on it, and I chose a $$$ private university. I absolutely appreciate it.