FB made me cry (don't read if you don't want to cry)

[LauraMoser]

I may have mentioned this here before. An old friend/coworker of mine died over the summer from brain cancer. He was 29, married within the past couple of years, and has a one-year old boy. He was one of the smartest, kindest, most genuine people I have ever known.

His wife still posts to his brain cancer battle page. Her posts often make me cry. They are so real with emotion, and she is just such a beautiful soul. Here's her latest:

"It's been nearly 3 months since you passed away...11 months since we got the bad news. Our dear little M just turned 19 months old...I took him to the cemetery so he could blow you kisses and pick a flower to place on your grave. He always yells "daddy! daddy!" when I take him to visit you. He's very smart, just like his daddy.

Last year at this time we were having fun shopping for M's 1st Halloween outfit. He was our little pumpkin. We went to the pumpkin patch and picked out our pumpkins for each one of us. We were so excited to be parents finally, and be able to take our little baby out doing fun things together as a family. You loved carrying him around, pinching his chubby cheeks, and were so proud to be a daddy. Little did we know that it would be the 1st and last Halloween our little family would be together...

One month later, the words "brain cancer" came in like a raging beast and ripped our family to shreds. It uprooted us from our home, threw our belongings around like discarded bags of waste, chased us up the east coast to a million different hospitals, and slowly - but at the same time rather quickly - sucked the life right out of you. And now you're gone. GONE. And our little family bleeds every day from the gaping wound that will take a very long time to heal.

They say it'll get better with time...a scar will form over this deep wound but it will always remain. I can't say it's gotten any easier for me. If anything it hurts more now than it did initially. I still cry practically every day and miss you more and more each day. I long to see you and hear your voice again. It's just not fair...just NOT fair.

As I take each day at a time, I am slowly putting some pieces back together in my life, while creating new pieces along the way. Life will never be remotely the same again for me, and I guess I'm just going to have to get used to what's the new "norm" in my life.

I am human. I get bitter sometimes. I get angry sometimes. Angry that God let this happen to my love, that he made me a widow at 29 and a widowed mother to a baby nonetheless. I get jealous sometimes. Jealous of other people and their "perfect" families. Jealous of other families that can continue to enjoy life together as a family.
I can't help it. I am only human.

Sometimes it's hard even getting out of bed in the mornings, but every morning God blesses me with a precious wake-up call. A sweet little voice trying to sing his ABCs. A sweet little voice talking to his stuffed animals. A sweet little voice pretending to read a book he pulled into his crib off his bookshelf. A sweet little voice yelling "MOMMY!", so excited to see me and grinning from ear to ear. A sweet little boy, just like his daddy, who gives me a big hug and says "LUH-boo!" (Love you)

This little voice is God telling me, I am still very blessed. This little voice is God telling me it's going to be ok. This little voice is God telling me to "Trust in Him with all my heart."

Some days it's very hard to do, but it's really all that I NEED to do."

[Deleted]

Wow, so wonderfully said and sad. Your poor friend, how absolutely heartbreaking. It's too early for tears. ((cries)).

[tigress]

Heartbreaking.

[LauraMoser]

Oct 30, 2013 8:31:02 GMT -5 tarzanswife said:

Wow, so wonderfully said and sad. Your poor friend, how absolutely heartbreaking. It's too early for tears. ((cries)).

I know. This is the first time she has expressed any anger at all in her posts. I just want to yell "get angry! Its okay to get angry!" lol I honestly have no idea how she has been so strong throughout everything. I don't think I would have been able to.

[pooh8402]

My best friend lost her H after 4 years of marriage, and they had a 4 month old. Also to brain cancer, he was 26. I had known him since 6th grade. She had a blog for a while where she wrote similar thoughts, depression, anger, joy that she has a son with her late H and watching him grow up, stuff like that. He died 3 years ago and she only recently stopped blogging (within the past year).

I think it's cathartic for your friend to get her feelings out. Sime people choose the privacy of a journal, but others choose the public arena so that, and I suspect this was the case with my friend, they don't have to talk about it as much with others.

Sent from my SPH-L710 using proboards

[laceylaplante]

This is heartbreaking. That poor woman.

[Deleted]

Reminds me of the song that got me through losing my middle daughter.

"People say that I am brave, but I'm not....truth is, I'm barely hanging on...."

Truth is that we're all that strong when put to the test and it's absolutely cathartic to get these feelings out and they can also help others along the way. Thank you for sharing.

[LauraMoser]

Oct 30, 2013 8:53:37 GMT -5 dragonflybelle said:

Reminds me of the song that got me through losing my middle daughter.

"People say that I am brave, but I'm not....truth is, I'm barely hanging on...."

Truth is that we're all that strong when put to the test and it's absolutely cathartic to get these feelings out and they can also help others along the way. Thank you for sharing.

What song is this?

[Deleted]

It's "I Will Carry You (Audrey's Song)" by Selah

[Bernadine]

Oh man. I'm trying not to cry. So awful for her.

[Deleted]

Wow

[isabel]

I can't even imagine. That poor woman.

[Deleted]

How heartbreaking. She is a very strong woman.

[HiC]

Profoundly sad. May she find a little bit of peace everyday.

[WOT?*]

Dammit. Smiles and tears. Happy tears and sad laughter, together. All in one little post. Those are the best and worst because they tear at your heart.

[snickers]

oh that's a tear jerker.
This is my fear, because H has had a brain tumor removed twice, and a piece of it still remains.

[glassofsyrah]

So sad.

[lissaholly]

I am always amazed at the strength people show. This is very said and incredibly well composed.

[Deleted]

Oct 30, 2013 9:11:51 GMT -5 dragonflybelle said:

It's "I Will Carry You (Audrey's Song)" by Selah

Just seeing the title of this song brought me to tears. Such a beautiful song.

[cleo29]

Lordy, that was sad. I am sorry for her loss and I am glad that she has an outlet for her thoughts and feelings.

[Deleted]

I'm so glad she has an outlet in which to vent. I'm so sorry for her loss and that her son won't get to know his dad

[RoxMonster]

So sad, yet she is so brave.

My FIL was diagnosed with brain cancer in April, and even going through this as a Daughter-in-law, I can't imagine what it's like when it's your husband. It is incredibly painful and unfair.