Luckily prom is still months away, right? Offer x total towards prom expenses ($50-100? whatever is in your budget). Offer to increase it to y if she wants, but it will be in lieu of any Christmas or birthday presents this year.
In my little bubble, $900 for a prom dress is fucking ridiculous. Little SIL's Senior Prom dress was only $30 (she and her friends looked like they were about to go clubbing). But I can see up to $200 for a formal dress being reasonable.
Offer to contribute however much you (your H) feel comfortable with.
My oldest SD is 17 and a senior high school so she's starting to prepare for her prom. She texted H the other day saying she'd found the perfect dress. It costs $900. H told me and I laughed and said my 2 wedding dresses totaled <$900. I think that he should find an amount he's comfortable with and give her that towards all of her prom expenses. My question is what do you feel is an appropriate amount for him to give?
maybe in addition to whatever amount he decides to give for the dress, he could ask if she'd like him to give her additional money for the dress for holiday/birthday presents?
I don't know. How much can you guys afford? My parents paid $350 for my prom dress 20 years ago. We had it made by a designer. Spoiled princess, party of 1, lol.
I don't know. How much can you guys afford? My parents paid $350 for my prom dress 20 years ago. We had it made by a designer. Spoiled princess, party of 1, lol.
I was thinking $300 -$350 for all expenses since he isn't paying for everything himself.
I would suggest not saying your wedding dresses cost less, mostly because it just won't help. Just because some of us didn't spend a lot of money doesn't mean no one should. Also, as a teen I can safely say my sister and I would definitely thought (and maybe said, that depended on the day) "I wouldn't be caught dead in anything you think is fashionable, that's exactly why I need to spend more". Teen girls feeling pressure to fit in, if that's where this is coming from, are not rational.
I like using this as a learning opportunity and helping her to create a budget - all the expected costs for prom and grad, how much each parent is giving, how much she needs to make up and break that down per month without factoring in gifts. Then let her play around with 'what if I spend this on x instead?" And get to her own budget.
Personally, I'd have the number I promise and then more budgeted for in case, and if I don't need to use that it would be her grad gift. And in case is she's worked hard but work cuts her hours or something beyond her control. But I wouldn't tell her about it.
Post by chickadee77 on Oct 30, 2013 11:49:57 GMT -5
I have no advice, but like the idea of working out a total budget with mom. That way, if a dress is the most important to her, she can forgo limos, professional hair, etc.
My favorite prom, my friends and I went as a group, got the most outlandish dresses we could find (for lack of a better word - they weren't hideous, but just... off-kilter, lol) on our very limited budgets. One of my friend's parents did a nice meal for us and we all piled into someone's Geo Metro and danced our asses off with everyone else. Our class was very tight-knit, though, so that made it a blast!
Well, in my world, $900 would be a lot for a prom dress and accessories. But just down the road is a private school where I'm sure they all easily spend that much. So I think you just need to manage her expectations. There's nothing wrong with saying, "This is your budget because that's what we can afford." It isn't that hard to find a pretty dress in any price range.
BTW, my H and I absolutely love Nina Simone and named our oldest daughter after her.
Proms are more than just paying for the dress. You have the bid, shoes, hair, make-up, limo rental, dinner and photos. Some of those are all extras.....and she wants to throw $900 just into the dress? In my particular financial situation I would tell her absolutely not. I would give her $200 towards the dress and $100 towards the dance. Her mother can contribute if she likes and if there's extra money that needs to be paid....the daughter can find a way to pitch in. She's 17, she should be holding a part time job and learning what the value of a dollar is.
I think mine was around $250. Isn't prom in the spring? I would tell her that you are only willing to pay $X and that she can start saving for the rest if she REALLY wants this particular dress.
My dress was 100, found on the clearance rack at a expensive boutique. My parents paid for the dress, alterations and 20.00 shoes. I paid for the rest, my mother would have pissed herself laughing if I wanted a 900 dollar dress.
To be fair, we thought my mother had breast cancer when we went shopping for prom. I didn't even want to go and she made me. Luckily, it was just a cyst but I'll never forget that shopping trip.
My oldest SD is 17 and a senior high school so she's starting to prepare for her prom. She texted H the other day saying she'd found the perfect dress. It costs $900. H told me and I laughed and said my 2 wedding dresses totaled <$900. I think that he should find an amount he's comfortable with and give her that towards all of her prom expenses. My question is what do you feel is an appropriate amount for him to give?
I'd say make a budget for prom and then tell her the total amount. Out of that, she can pay for dress, tickets, bouttoniere, etc.
This was always our approach to prom, even though we had boys, because every teen wants what they see on My Sweet 16. They wanted to hire some giant-ass limo, get T shirts made, etc., etc. We game them cash and said anything over that amount had to come from them. Funny how they scaled down their plans when it was on their dime.
Post by NinaSimone on Oct 30, 2013 13:55:48 GMT -5
I haven't seen the dress, I don't think H has either. Ftr, we both think her request is ridiculous and won't be handing over that kind of money. I think she's set her expectations too high and will come around once she realizes she'll probably have to pay a few hundred of her own dollars.