My oldest SD is 17 and a senior high school so she's starting to prepare for her prom. She texted H the other day saying she'd found the perfect dress. It costs $900. H told me and I laughed and said my 2 wedding dresses totaled <$900. I think that he should find an amount he's comfortable with and give her that towards all of her prom expenses. My question is what do you feel is an appropriate amount for him to give?
I mean, it really depends on what he can afford. My parents paid for my dress ($150 in 2006), but I had to pay for my hair, boutineer (no idea how to spell that), etc. But yes, I would set a definitely dollar amount and tell her that if she wants more, she can spend her own money.
But seriously, she can't find a more reasonable dress? Come on.
OMFG that is nuts. I would say he sets what he is comfortable setting and the mother should give as well. I would say about 300 for a nice dress so can both parents give 150 without it strapping them.
and not for nothing I am still dying over 900 geezus
Post by sunshineluv on Oct 30, 2013 9:21:13 GMT -5
$200, and maybe help her by taking her to some stores. I imagine there is one shop all the girls are going to, that have the $900 dresses. There are so many places to buy formal gowns though, a lot of wedding boutiques have them. There are ways to rent formal dresses as well. She may not realize she has options.
This is an important factor I think. He and her mother should agree on an amount for ALL PROM EXPENSES (tickets, flowers, dress, accessories, after-prom, etc.) and then let their daughter know BEFORE she goes dress shopping. That's my 2 cents.
Since it's not my money we are talking about I would say keep the budget around $200 or less. If I was paying for the dress I would try to keep it as close to $100 as possible. Even less would be better. It's prom, not the royal wedding. $900 is insane.
I'm sure between dress, shoes, jewelry, makeup, boutonniere, limo etc. my parents ended up spending around $500 for my prom. Will her mom be contributing at all?
ETA: Since she has other people helping her, I'd give her maybe $200. And it goes without saying that $900 for a prom dress is beyond absurd.
Post by speckledfrog on Oct 30, 2013 9:30:11 GMT -5
She is going to spend as much as you let her spend. 900 is insane. I think $200 is fair and she has to spread that through dress, shoes, and hair. That is close to what my parents did with me.
I grew up in a rich suburb of Chicago. $500-600 was a common amount for girls to spend on dresses, and that was 10 years ago. Of course there are dresses for $100 out there, but it's more about her expectations of an event that is 6 or 7 months away. The grownups need to sit down and decide how much you'd all like to contribute, present her with that amount, and if she balks, then she can be on the hook 100%.
Making a budget for total expenses and letting SD go from there was what I thought should happen, but H and BM don't get along well enough to make that happen.
Post by rupertpenny on Oct 30, 2013 9:32:33 GMT -5
She is already talking about prom? Has homecoming even happened yet?!? Her uncles might contribute? This whole thing sounds insane.
Anyway, I think $200 sounds reasonable, excluding tickets. Tickets to our prom were expensive because they included dinner, but I think $200 from you should be plenty for her attire.
Like others have said, I would give a set amount to help with all expenses. Since she has other family members that are willing to contribute as well, then she can take that total budget to work with.
Good lord. The fact that she even asked about a $900 dress means that she's either very entitled or completely clueless. Time to reign her in.
Figure out what you can afford to contribute. My son went to prom a few years ago and I remember the tickets being pretty pricey, like at least $100. Not sure if her date will pay for that but factor in all the prom-related costs and come up with a number you can afford. The girl has got to realize that she doesn't come from a wealthy family sooner or later.
My divorced parents each gave me X amount to put towards prom expenses including dress, hair and buttonier. It worked well and I personally opted to have a lss expensive dress and pocket the dofference :-) I say do some window shopping with or without her and get a feel for how the prices run in your area costs vary a lot so see if the avg range is really 700-1,000 or do some nice shops have prices running from 100-300 or whatever. Based on what a reasonable dress costs in your area touch base with SD mom and get on the same page and discuss what you each are comfortable with and can reasonably contribute and then explain to SD that she has X to work with and anyting over that she needs to make up through working/babysitting. do it soon so she has times to work if she wants to spend more and needs to find a job/babysit overt he next months.
ETA: if you can't communicate with Mom about this what happens when she gets married/goes to college/etc. Take this as an opportunity to work on improving communication do it via e-mail and make it as polite and breezy as possible and if she won't get on board just move forward with telling SD that you are able to contribute X amount towards prom and thats all.
My oldest SD is 17 and a senior high school so she's starting to prepare for her prom. She texted H the other day saying she'd found the perfect dress. It costs $900. H told me and I laughed and said my 2 wedding dresses totaled <$900. I think that he should find an amount he's comfortable with and give her that towards all of her prom expenses. My question is what do you feel is an appropriate amount for him to give?
I'd say make a budget for prom and then tell her the total amount. Out of that, she can pay for dress, tickets, bouttoniere, etc.
$100 tickets!? Joanna might not be going to prom. lol
Yeah, I remember having a near heart attack. Especially because he got a girlfriend a couple of months before prom so her ticket had to be purchased as well. I ended up buying him a suit because it was less than renting, plus he could wear it again.
And even if I HAD that kind of money to blow on my hypothetical daughter's prom dress, I would never spend the kind of money. Particularly for a dress that she is only going to wear ONCE that does not involve exchanging I Dos.
That is just setting all kinds of unrealistic expectations.
If she wants to spend that kind of money, than little precious can just go and earn it herself.