I know I stepped firmly in shit the last time...

[kiminky]

I tried to create a thread involving race/ethnicity.  I think I have learned my lesson and will definitely work on my wording here.  Just need some perspective or real life experiences.  My daughter is half Causcasian and half Navajo.  When her Dad, who is Navajo and grew up on the reservation in AZ, lived w/ us years ago in KY he had a really hard time fitting in here - white people did not want to hang out with him and African American people did not want him either.  He really struggled.  He was used to the atmosphere of NM and AZ where he was much more comfortable.  My daughter only lived in NM for a very short time as a baby, so she really only knows KY.  She is almost 15 y/o.  I guess my question is for those who are of mixed race/ethnicity or who also have children of mixed race/ethnicity-how did you navigate this, especially during middle and high school? Something that bothers me w/ my DD is that she will allow her peers to make assumptions about her background and not be forthcoming with them -for all of 8th grade most of her friends and classmates thought she was Hispanic and she didn't correct them.

Please don't nail me if I have less then PC wording in this post, I tried really hard to get my thoughts across in the least jumbled way possible.

[juliagoulia]

I think it would be great for you to discuss your daughter's heritage, teach her as much of that part of the culture she is a part of that you can, encourage her to learn about it or at least understand it.

I don't think you should be bothered with how she chooses to address it with other people, though. It's really her identity and she should be the one who controls that.

How much exposure does she have to her Navajo side? Maybe you already do all those things I suggested and if so- I apologize. But maybe she doesn't really feel like an authority on it- so she just doesn't correct people because she's not confident in knowing much if they ask questions?

[elleblue]

Considering that teenagers want nothing more than to fit in, it doesn't surprise me that she didn't correct her peers. As others have said upthread, she's going to have to navigate self-identity on her own. It may not be something she really delves into until she's older, but fwiw I think that's completely normal, regardless of whether or not a person comes from a mixed background.

[kiminky]

Oct 30, 2013 13:29:17 GMT -5 juliagoulia said:

I think it would be great for you to discuss your daughter's heritage, teach her as much of that part of the culture she is a part of that you can, encourage her to learn about it or at least understand it.

I don't think you should be bothered with how she chooses to address it with other people, though. It's really her identity and she should be the one who controls that.

How much exposure does she have to her Navajo side? Maybe you already do all those things I suggested and if so- I apologize. But maybe she doesn't really feel like an authority on it- so she just doesn't correct people because she's not confident in knowing much if they ask questions?

You may be right in terms of "confidence" regarding her heritage.  She has not seen her Dad since she was 2, so obviously he isn't giving her background.  A few years ago we took her to NM to meet her aunt (her Dad's sis) and see where she was born and the reservation, etc.  That's a great point that she may not feel comfortable in her lack of info. about her Navajo side, so she just keeps quiet. That makes sense.

[kiminky]

Oct 30, 2013 13:33:21 GMT -5 @astrid said:

She may also not want you involved as her Caucasian parent.

I'm not trying to insert myself into how she navigates this, I just want help in understanding from others who have experienced something similar. 

[leeann]

I get that when you are younger, sometimes anything that can be percieved as different can seem like something to shy away from. I did the same thing when I was little and my grandmother wanted to teach me Japanese- now I wish like hell I had take her up on it. I would let your dauther find her own comfort point, which will most likely come with age. I am sort of surprised at your experiences, though. I have lived in five different states now and I've never noticed issues like you describe. I'm not saying I haven't had any, but I've never felt flat out snubbed or ignored.

[kiminky]

Oct 30, 2013 13:57:45 GMT -5 leeann said:

I get that when you are younger, sometimes anything that can be percieved as different can seem like something to shy away from. I did the same thing when I was little and my grandmother wanted to teach me Japanese- now I wish like hell I had take her up on it. I would let your dauther find her own comfort point, which will most likely come with age. I am sort of surprised at your experiences, though. I have lived in five different states now and I've never noticed issues like you describe. I'm not saying I haven't had any, but I've never felt flat out snubbed or ignored.

My daughter hasn't been snubbed or ignored, she is really good at making friends.  For her Dad, there were probably other things going on then just him being Navajo.

[discogranny]

My husband is 1/2 Choctaw and we live in Texas, so people mostly assume his mother and his brother who are darker skinned than he is are Mexican. For a long time his brother did not correct them as it was just easier to allow people to think he was Mexican than to explain that he was actually Choctaw, etc.

Now that his brother is older he tells people that he is actually Choctaw. I think it just wasn't important enough to him to correct them or maybe he just didn't want to be the different "Indian" kid. I would let her navigate her own path on this one.