Moms of 4 yos

[mrsg123]

At what point do I worry about DD not listening to a goddamn thing I say??? She just won't follow directions or listen. She is so stubborn. I have had it with repeating myself today. I don't have tickers, she turned 4 in July and is in 3/wk prek. TIA. Off to drink a beer now.

[Marmee]

My DD3 turned 4 in June. She's not stubborn & follows direction well...but she still craps her pants on a semi regular basis. You can't have it all.

[mrsg123]

Thanks for the response. This week is brutal.

[mrsg123]

Thanks for the response. This week is brutal.

[DarcyLongfellow]

Mine also turned 4 in July. I think it's just a matter of consistency. I've started time outs for "rude words to mommy" and for not answering me. If I realize I'm repeating myself, I say, "Abigail -- answer mommy, That's one." I've never had to get past one for not listening because just me saying that makes her start listening, but I would put her in timeout for it.

As far as following directions, do you give consequences? My DD got some toys taken away today because she wouldn't clean up.

Some of the 4 year old attitude, though, i just don't have a clue. Sometimes I just wonder who this preteen is who is talking through my sweet baby's mouth :-(

[Marmee]

Nov 6, 2013 22:11:12 GMT -5 mrsg123 said:

Thanks for the response. This week is brutal.

With my DD1 it was a battle a lot of the time.  I think it's always hardest setting those initial boundaries.  Just stay confident in your discipline, I swear they can smell doubt.  Consistency is definitely key too.  My DD3 can just follow her sisters lead so it's easier now.  But I always struggle most with DD1 because I'm always unsure if I'm doing the right thing.  They do grow out of it though.  I think from 5-9 (so far) has been relatively calm.  Hang in there!

[mrsg123]

Thank you ladies for the responses.

[lindyanne]

also have a 4yo boy born in July. He listens to everyone but us so I know it's not that he can't listen. We have started more structured time at home and different discipline with taking away favorite toys...much better than just a time out

[mrsg123]

I am going to have to start taking away toys. Thanks! Getting over a bug/ not feeling 100% is not helping her.bc I think.

[Deleted]

We started a star chart for good behavior that has helped. If stars don't work, we do take away toys as consequences.

You aren't alone, though. Listening is hard.

[dutchgirl678]

DD is 5 now, but if she does this which is not too often, I will put her in time-out. She likes to defy me when DH is not around and sometimes she'll get a time-out up in her room because of it.

One thing though, have you ever had her hearing checked? DD turned out to have fluids behind her ears and needed tubes last year.

[thejackpot]

Yeah, my 4 yr old is a mule. So stubborn. He wants everything done his way and he doesn't listen at all. The running joke is that we need to get his ears tested b/c there is no possible way that you can consistently and comfortably ignore everything that is said to you. I don't like 4

[zarapipe]

DD doesn't turn 4 until March but ditto taking toys away. So far that is what works best for her. The first day I used it I took away I think 10-15 toys. Now I am lucky to get to two toys, usually it is one and that is rare.

[megs193]

My 4 year old is stubborn as well. I have found that he never listens to me when I raise my voice so I (try) to keep calm and when he does something wrong I say that's one, the next is two and if he gets to three it is a time out. I found when I stopped reacting he calmed down a lot.

[Deleted]

Mine is like that too, but I find that once I start imposing consequences (immediate consequences) for not listening, all of a sudden he can hear again.

[pbutter]

I don't have any great advice. But just know that you are not alone. My 3yr old DD has been a beast since she was 1 1/2. It seems like we can't get her to do anything unless we bribe or threaten. There have been accomplishments though, so I know it's not completely hopeless. Good luck!

[mrssandro]

DD is four. If she doesn't listen or gets into stubborn mode we talk and explain why she needs to do something. If she still refuses we take stuff away like TV time or iPad time or just about anything she is requesting. We have gone as far as taken toys away. This is the only real thing that works for her. Losing privileges and following through with consequences.

[lizrd7579]

We had that problem and nothing seemed to help. Until we went to Kindergarten registration. She failed her hearing test. Took her to the pedi for a follow up test. They cleaned out her ears and she still failed the test. Turned out, she had fluid in her ears and quite a bit of hearing loss. She had her adenoids removed and tubes put in and has been a lot better since then!

[mlvmd]

DS just turned 4 today. He is a darling menace. When I admonished him for not listening he replied that he was listening, just not doing what I had asked. Well played DS, well played. I ask him to look at me before I give him instructions, ask him if he understands, then if he doesn't do what I ask try to have an appropriate repercussion. Sounds great huh? There is occasional success.

[spankswife]

DD is 3.5 and she is very strong willed, to say the least. The first month of school she got her "seat" on circle moved twice and we had to have a meeting with the teacher. It was brutal.

About 2 weeks ago we (very matter of fact-ly) told her some kids don't have toys and food and clothes, and they have to sleep on the floor. She cried for them and has been really good ever since. Not perfect, and I am sure it will wear off, but we just didn't have anything left in us to fight her. Every now and again we remind her of this...

Sticker charts and time outs don't really phase her. I am counting down the days to start using "Santa" and the "elf" are watching

[mommytutu]

4 is the new 13. Cheers!

[CallingAllAngels]

I asked my mom recently when the kids were going to start listening to me. She pointed out that her kids are all in their 30s and no one listens to her. She has a point.

[imojoebunny]

I had to be really firm and follow through with my son, still have to be. I don't make idle threats. It helps. If he does or doesn't do something really important, I don't let it slide, if it is something minor, like which side of the car he wants to get in verses the side I would like him to, I don't fight it, but if it is more important, like getting on his shoes and coat, so we are ready to go, I stand my ground, set clear consequences, like lose a toy, no TV time, or leaving a place he likes. I never threaten what I am not willing to do. He is 4.5 now, and though he still has his moments, they are fewer. Pick your battles and find ways that are effective for your particular kid. My DD has a whole different motivation system.