Newlywed, Dad-to-Be, Dies After Taking Himself Off Life S

[ax2]

God, how awful and heartbreaking for everyone involved. But interesting that he made that choice. I can't imagine having to make it.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2487986/Newlywed-Tim-Bowers-chooses-life-support-die-ONE-DAY-fell-tree-paralyzed.html

Blah, stupid mobile site. Should work now.

[Deleted]

Link is broken

[Deleted]

OMG. I can't imagine. I got the shivers!

[pantsparty]

Oh my god. How devastating. I think I would make the same decision. You just have no quality of life if you can't even breathe on your own.

[lola]

Life as a quad is difficult, and painful, and so hard to imagine. I'm glad that a man who was about to have no power over his life got to make this decision for himself.

How awful it must have been for his family.

[Deleted]

Well, that's a judgemental headline.

[bonquiqui]

Terribly sad, but I think it is a decision people should be allowed to make.  

[sunshineluv]

I read about this on cnn, I got annoyed with some of the comments. I can't imagine having to make a decision like that.

[takeonyou]

I believe he had the right to choose but OMG. He didn't even give it time. He could have been acting on emotion and still been shocked about the situation. If he was given a few days or weeks to really let it sink in maybe he would have wanted to stick around and see his child. If I was his wife, I would be angry. Really, really angry.

And I say this after seeing FIL deal with a paralyzing injury from which he will never recover.  His first few weeks were filled with  speaking of death and he contemplated suicide.  He has since repeatedly said he is so glad he could meet his grandkids.

[MarmeeNoir]

My DH is going hunting Saturday.

[Deleted]

His life, his right.

I think it would have been great if there was more time between the accident and the decision to die, but this specific person might have simply been very determined and self-aware that this was the decision of him.

[karinothing]

Horrible, I think he had the right to make that choice, but I just can't imagine not wanting to stick around to meet my kid, even if I could never hold them. I agree that I would be very angry if I was his wife.

[pantsparty]

I wouldn't be angry with my H if he made that decision. I think it is pretty unselfish, actually. The amount of care needed for someone who is paralyzed is never-ending, and extremely costly. He was never going to be able to leave the hospital.

Of course I would be devastated, but not at him.

[ginap]

How terrible. Such a terrible situation for that family. I get where he is coming from in his decision.

[Deleted]

"He might live the rest of his life in a rehabilitation hospital, relying on a machine to help him breathe."

This would have probably meant I'd decide the same. I could live in a wheelchair, but hooked to a machine to breathe? and living in a hospital for the rest of my life? Which at 32 could be a really long time... None of that feels like a quality life to me.

I don't think more time would have mattered, especially since it sounds like he HAD thought about it before and been vocal in deciding. I presume his family woke him up to make sure that he still felt that way now that it had happened, given how his life had changed. But I think the fact that he had to be woken up (so medically induced coma?) indicates more time may not have mattered, because more time wouldn't have been spent conscious and able to participate in counseling or whatever else.

[dizzydee]

Nov 7, 2013 14:18:21 GMT -5 MarmeeNoir said:

My DH is going hunting Saturday.

R hunts all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  He is obsessed.  Just make sure your husband has a safety harness and uses it properly, if he hunts in a tree stand.

I'm glad he got to make this decision, but I think it was to soon.  He should have been made to have more time to make the decision.   So sad.

[HiC]

I read that last night and couldn't shake the feeling it left me with. I can't begin to imagine what they are going through.

[Deleted]

I am not going to judge anything about this. It is just sad.

[speckledfrog]

I think it's easy to say how we might feel in that situation or how we hoped we/our SO would respond, but I think the reality of being faced with such a dismal outlook on life would be a far different.

[shostakovich]

When I first read this article this morning, I thought that I'd be FURIOUS with my H if he made that decision, and chose to not even meet our child first.

But then I thought about it more, and realized he actually made a pretty selfless decision here - the cost of his care, financially and emotionally, would've completely upended their life and transformed it into something probably unrecognizable. He wouldn't have been able to really participate in his family's life the way he had before, even if he stuck around for them. And ultimately, he wouldn't have felt like himself anymore, which is so sad.

It sounds like he'd discussed this type of thing with his family before, and was resolute in his decision. I wonder if staying alive and meeting his newborn baby would've weakened that resolve and made it an even harder, more heartbreaking decision.

This poor family.

[bania]

This is heartbreaking for everybody involved.

[MarmeeNoir]

Nov 7, 2013 14:28:24 GMT -5 dizzydee said:

Nov 7, 2013 14:18:21 GMT -5 MarmeeNoir said:

My DH is going hunting Saturday.

R hunts all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  He is obsessed.  Just make sure your husband has a safety harness and uses it properly, if he hunts in a tree stand.

I'm glad he got to make this decision, but I think it was to soon.  He should have been made to have more time to make the decision.   So sad.

He does wear a safety harness. He doesn't like heights.

[takeonyou]

Nov 7, 2013 14:28:24 GMT -5 dizzydee said:

Nov 7, 2013 14:18:21 GMT -5 MarmeeNoir said:

I'm glad he got to make this decision, but I think it was to soon.  He should have been made to have more time to make the decision.   So sad.

Yes. This was the point I was going for. Fil had such a wide range of emotions after his accident. Time helped him logically look at things that he hadn't considered the first few days.

[kcr1972]

So sad.I couldn't imagine being in either position. I am sure the shock of the whole thing is still weighing on her, and I am sure she is probably angry. But this truly is a selfless decision.

[Alyssa]

Call it a flame worthy statement, but I find it selfish....he had a child on the way. He should have at least waited.

[lola]

Nov 7, 2013 15:15:20 GMT -5 Alyssa said:

Call it a flame worthy statement, but I find it selfish....he had a child on the way. He should have at least waited.

The care demanded by a quad is something you cannot imagine unless you have a quad in your. Combined with the care of an infant? The decision he made was selfless.


Also - to those who said they would be angry at least a little, of course! Who wouldn't? Anger is one of the stages of grief for a reason.

My heart breaks for his family. I truly hope that they've found peace in knowing he did what he thought was best for all of them.

[blueballoon]

I cant judge this at all. Everyone should get to make that decision for themselves.

[cleo29]

I don't know if him waiting for his child would have made any of it easier, I think it would be the opposite.

It's just a terribly sad story.

[hisno1girl]

Nov 7, 2013 14:18:21 GMT -5 MarmeeNoir said:

My DH is going hunting Saturday.

Mine goes every year and I hate that he uses a tree stand but there's nothing I can do about it.  I made him read that article.

[cinnamoncox]

This is just such a sad situation all around that I truly see both sides and really can't imagine.
On the one hand he was only 32 and who knows what medical advances could be made in his lifetime but on the other hand, he'd be a "burden" financially so she may have been spared.
I hope this isn't flameworthy but I feel like if he made the decision to die so he wouldn't cause financial and emotional strain on his new wife for the rest if their lives, then it's way less "selfish" than if he made the decision to die so HE wouldn't get to go outside anymore.

But I really can't judge at all because I'm thankfully and luckily not in that situation to make any choices