Enabling?

[spedrunner]

it has totally occured to me WHY i am so uneasy and hard on myself, when i try to focus on JUST myself, i get very uncomfortable, uneasy, unfocused, anxious, etc. I TRY to avoid it.....I want to take care of other people and do things for other people, which is fine, but i need to be ok with doing things for ME first (If this makes sense)

Im already in therapy, thinking about starting al anon meetings , and forcing myself to focus more on me, but i seem to find myself in all my enabling patterns with ANY relationship i am in (in not talkign about with men, im not dating, but friends, family, etc)

Has anyone experienced this? how did you deal, cope, get through and make things better for you? Im tired of this uneasy anxiety i have all the time bc im uncomfortable doing things for myself

Lookign for book reccs or anything to make things a bit easier thanks ladies

[Deleted]

I stumbled across this site by searching for "emotional weakness" because I too for many years have avoided focusing on myself and my feelings and then when I did I pretty much had a breakdown. This is the site-http://www.whywesuffer.com/category/inner-critic-2/

It seemed really hokey to me at first, but I bought this book for $5 on amazon and it really helped. www.amazon.com/Why-We-Suffer-Understand-Unhappiness-ebook/dp/B004WOVLR6

I was so so hard on myself and this book has really helped me to stop.

[spedrunner]

Nov 8, 2013 7:50:44 GMT -5 calamity said:

I stumbled across this site by searching for "emotional weakness" because I too for many years have avoided focusing on myself and my feelings and then when I did I pretty much had a breakdown. This is the site-http://www.whywesuffer.com/category/inner-critic-2/

It seemed really hokey to me at first, but I bought this book for $5 on amazon and it really helped. www.amazon.com/Why-We-Suffer-Understand-Unhappiness-ebook/dp/B004WOVLR6

I was so so hard on myself and this book has really helped me to stop.

Thank you! This is exactly what im looking for!! Going to check it out now

[psychmom]

It sounds like a giant step forward just realizing and accepting that. Good job!

[mushmouse]

In my experience when you try to focus on these things (finally!) it takes other people a while to catch up.  So even the people who love you can make it harder on you at first.  It's like they feel like you're pulling away from them and don't realize IT ISN'T ABOUT THEM!!!  Stick with it through the hard parts.  I can't say that it's become a natural feeling yet and I don't know if it ever will.  But I am so much happier now that I recognize I have actual needs that don't involve another person and I am much less critical of myself.  I even look better.

ETA - I'm sorry if I'm butting into a personal thing without knowing you!  It's just something I've been working on myself.

[shoeless]

I have no advice as I am still struggling and learning how to be okay with putting myself first, but just wanted to say you're not alone.

[Bernadine]

A lot of women on SO recommended Co-Dependent No More. I bought it, but never read it. I think it's still at my parents' house. I'd be happy to send it to you if you feel comfortable PMing me your address.

[Deleted]

Nov 8, 2013 7:50:44 GMT -5 calamity said:

I stumbled across this site by searching for "emotional weakness" because I too for many years have avoided focusing on myself and my feelings and then when I did I pretty much had a breakdown. This is the site-http://www.whywesuffer.com/category/inner-critic-2/

It seemed really hokey to me at first, but I bought this book for $5 on amazon and it really helped. www.amazon.com/Why-We-Suffer-Understand-Unhappiness-ebook/dp/B004WOVLR6

I was so so hard on myself and this book has really helped me to stop.

The book talks about how we punish ourselves mentally and what we get out of it.   It seems counter-intuitive, like, why would I do something to continually hurt myself when that's exactly what I don't want to do??  This book helps to figure out WHY.  What do you really get out of beating yourself up?  Clearly it doesn't feel good, but why can't we stop?

Again, I realize this sounds hokey but now when I start talking shit to myself in my head it's like a little trigger is tripped and I say "Ok boogeyman of bad feelings, stop it.  You're not helping."  

No one else in this world is going to look out for you the way that YOU will.  You've got to be your parent, your best friend...

I'm here to talk or listen  (hug2)


ETA: I will note I still have bad feelings and sadness.  I process them when I can, but when I am overwhelmed and beating the shit out of myself it helps no one.

[spedrunner]

Nov 8, 2013 8:10:23 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

A lot of women on SO recommended Co-Dependent No More. I bought it, but never read it. I think it's still at my parents' house. I'd be happy to send it to you if you feel comfortable PMing me your address.

Thank you yes I've read this.  Found it very helpful.  Great book.  My therapist Recc it