I have no right to feel upset, but I am

[snickers]

I'm sorry you are only human, that would upset me too

[Wrath0fKuus]

Nov 8, 2013 13:58:42 GMT -5 calamity said:

Thank you so much everyone.

This place is such a source of strength and love and it amazes me that total strangers can share so much love and insight with one another.

xoxo

We're not so bad as far as new families go!

[Deleted]

Den of assholes is right. Anyone who'd demand their child essentially deny the devastation of intra-familial molestation in order to maintain a relationship is so unworthy of your love or respect. It is admirable and I hope healing for you to try to forgive them for your own sake. I hope you have some peace soon.

[katb]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I am struggling with this right now. I too have cut out, or maybe even was cut off, from my sister's family and my stepmother. They have holidays etc, and I feel sad for my kids not to be able to see cousins as much because we don't go. My BIL is a continual cheater and ass, my stepmother is a mean bitter drunk who is so passive aggressive, she is almost just aggressive.

I wish I knew a magic way for the hurt to go away and I would so share with you and all the others who choose not to deal with these toxic relationships. I try to remember that overall it's less drama, less lying, and less cutting down of myself and the ones I love.

[lurkergirl123]

I would be upset too. I'm sorry.

[Deleted]

Nov 8, 2013 13:50:40 GMT -5 calamity said:

Nov 8, 2013 13:45:56 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I think this is a pretty helpful statement. A big part of cognitive therapy is changing the old automatic responses; reprogramming as it were. Looking at a picture of her 'happy' family, it's easy to repeat the old "I'm bad/I'm Wrong/I'm left out" statements. This could instead be seen as "OMG I am not a part of that sickness any more." "Omg I am free of that insane family dysfunction".  "I no longer have to smile at my abuser and make nice". Etc. State the freedoms received, not the old beat yourself up lines.

This is really true and one of the things I am working on in therapy.

I still give them so much power by being in my thoughts and repeating their old lines.  And then I get mad at myself for giving them power and it's this cycle...

I've been pretty pissed off for the last year, but I've been working on trying to forgive them.  Not for them, but for me.  And forgiving them doesn't have to mean that I let them in, either.

Hugs to you.  You sound so strong!  It took time for things to get bad, it will take time to get better too.  Be kind to yourself.  Forgiving them isn't easy, but it will take away your anger inside.