If you're remarried...

[BunnyMacDougal]

Could you describe for me your wedding planning period.

Were you excited again to find a venue, dress, flowers, etc?


Did anybody find that she was less enthused the second time around (I mean about the party part and the details like the clothes, food, decorations, venue, etc). 

[BunnyMacDougal]

Nov 8, 2013 21:53:23 GMT -5 mooselovah said:

I am not remarried - but I never admit in real life I hated wedding planning and am indifferent to my own wedding.

I love that our families got together. I love being married.

I wished I'd eloped of court housed the wedding.

Sorry not really what your going for.

Yes it is!   I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one to report not swimming around in my planning notebook all starry eyed.  

[VillainV]

It was exciting, but definitely different approaching a wedding as a 30-31 year old instead of a 22-year old. I think I was much more relaxed about all the details the second time around, and was more excited about being married, and about hosting a nice time with friends and family than I was about "being a bride." I guess I was just a lot more mature about the whole thing (go figure).

[BunnyMacDougal]

Nov 8, 2013 22:03:39 GMT -5 VillainV said:

It was exciting, but definitely different approaching a wedding as a 30-31 year old instead of a 22-year old. I think I was much more relaxed about all the details the second time around, and was more excited about being married, and about hosting a nice time with friends and family than I was about "being a bride." I guess I was just a lot more mature about the whole thing (go figure).

Yes, I definitely feel you on how different the emphasis is on "being the bride".  I can think of about 50 things I'd rather be than a bride again.  "Shot in the head" might be one of them.  Sigh.  

[Deleted]

My mother totally planned my wedding lol I just showed up. I did pick my dress and the venue, I suppose...and my H and I chose the ceremony wording and order. But she did colors, flowers, menu, band, decor, cake, invites, etc. I didn't really care. I would have been happy getting married on a beach somewhere.

I knew my sister wouldn't let my mom touch her wedding with a ten foot pole so I figured she could have the thrill of planning mine (she is one of those people who likes to plan a party). It was an incredible night. My mom missed her calling in life.

[bonquiqui]

Maybe it is because I am so freshly divorced, but I would be thrilled to plan a wedding again.  I was so young the first time around, that I would just be over the moon getting to plan another one.  Obviously, I would have to be really sure, and not jump into anything, heck I am not even dating now, but the fantasy is still there.  I am a weirdo lol

[BunnyMacDougal]

Nov 8, 2013 22:07:03 GMT -5 @thereigninglorelai said:

My mother totally planned my wedding lol I just showed up. I did pick my dress and the venue, I suppose...and my H and I chose the ceremony wording and order. But she did colors, flowers, menu, band, decor, cake, invites, etc. I didn't really care. I would have been happy getting married on a beach somewhere.

I knew my sister wouldn't let my mom touch her wedding with a ten foot pole so I figured she could have the thrill of planning mine (she is one of those people who likes to plan a party). It was an incredible night. My mom missed her calling in life.

This is what my mom is doing this time.  I dread the calls and run a looped recording of "sounds good"  "up to you"  "thank you, I love that idea, do it".

This might be another thing taking the wind out of my sails this go round.  I was very much like your sister sounds like for my first wedding.  Hands-off, I'll do it.  And my mom tried to wedge in everywhere she could.  We butted heads and it was awful.  Now I feel kinda bad leaving her to hold the bag on everything.  She's calling reception sites and arranging for out of town guests and stuff....all at H's request.

I sometimes feel like I could ask them "this sounds like a great wedding, who are you inviting to be the bride?"   (Because I want to spectate and maybe have wine at this thing, not participate.)  (Because I'm effed up.)  

[Sloane]

My first wedding was a perfect princess day, I was 24, and I thought it's what I wanted at the time, and it really was a gorgeous wedding, but I was so stressed and I don't remember having a ton of fun at it.

My second wedding I was way more excited for, we hosted our nearest and dearest Vegas and had a ton of fun and a beautiful wedding. It very much reflected us as a couple.

I got less into planning the details for my second wedding but I had a much better time doing it.

[lsea0323]

I'm remarried, but we went to the courthouse on a Tuesday.

[bonquiqui]

Nov 8, 2013 22:11:01 GMT -5 mp said:

This is how I feel, too! I did a cake & punch wedding @ my Baptist college where no dancing was allowed. I was 18! So, I would love to plan a wedding again. BUT, I would totally be ok with eloping, too - it would be really dependent on what my non existent future fiancé wanted.

haha yay party girls!  I don't think I would be ok eloping.  I want the party.     I know it's not about that, but it is so much fun to me.  One day we can plan our weddings with our non existent fiance's together!  We would have some killer make up

[BunnyMacDougal]

Nov 8, 2013 22:09:12 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

I'm doing it now. I wasn't a fan either time but this time is easier. It's a smaller wedding (16 people, mostly family). 4 course amazing dinner. No formal reception.

My biggest issue is picking a dress right now and not wanting something similar to my first.

But planning in my 30s does give perspective (what is important to spend $ on and what isn't). I'm also excited about a smaller guest list so we can really engage with those important to us.

The dress-maker and I have this is the works right now.  Much more reasonable neckline to replace that deep dip....and in a color more like champagne that white.  A non-white wedding dress.  I can't (and wouldn't want to) wear white and so, like I say, wth is the point??  Haha!  I don't mean to say that brides who are marrying again can't wear white.  I just can't.   It probably has more to do with the fact that I don't see me bringing myself to do any of this.  Wow, this glass of wine and I are just lettin it all hang out tonight.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Nov 8, 2013 22:08:30 GMT -5 mooselovah said:

Honest question - do you have to do a wedding?

Could you elope? Make the wedding apart of a Sunday church service or private ceremony?

Or hand a details to your husband and just show up?

I think H would do it.  I really do.  But I think he'd be disappointed.  And really, after several fucked up events I decided I was done with the last minute decisions I'm so awful at making.

I spoke to H at length about converting to Catholicism and he did.  I spoke to my local priest at length about C's baptism and our family.  I feel right about the trajectory of our family......just not all the hoopla that goes into the day and the reception.

I should've just joined a convent instead of signing up for eharmony.  That's only half a joke.

[Gato]

I wasn't completely enthused the first time around.  At least, not The Knot enthused.  I think it turned out well despite me not caring what the place settings were or making custom favors.

The second time around I got married to a first-timer, so I wanted it to be nice for him.  We had a couple good starts at planning, but wherever we had it would be a destination wedding for 50-75% of the people.  Working with his family, we couldn't even pin down a date due to the legal troubles of one. 

So we eloped.  I did have fun planning a reception for my family back in my home state.  H also had a reception with his family.  They were two totally different events that I hope suited the people there.  No one had to travel, and one stayed in good graces with his parole officer, lol.  For myself, I was 37 and pregnant, so I just wasn't feeling a pretty princess type wedding anyway.

[CheshireGrin]

I had zero desire to ever plan a wedding again. We had a backyard bonfire to celebrate, with no ceremony. Even that drove me a little insane in the planning.

[Gato]

BunnyMacDougal, I absolutely LOVE that dress!

bonquiqui, my best friend's 2nd wedding was just as fabulous as her first. A little less lavish, maybe, but just as styled and beautiful. She was a commercial photographer at the time, so she was a perfectionist about details. She had the best makeup and these crazy long false eyelashes. I'm not all that girly but it was fun and I appreciated it/loved that she was happy doing it.

[styme46]

I wasn't necessarily less enthused, but I was definitely not as focused on all the little details. This time around I wanted it to be simple and "us" if that makes sense.

[CheshireGrin]

Nov 8, 2013 22:09:44 GMT -5 bonquiqui said:

Maybe it is because I am so freshly divorced, but I would be thrilled to plan a wedding again.  I was so young the first time around, that I would just be over the moon getting to plan another one.  Obviously, I would have to be really sure, and not jump into anything, heck I am not even dating now, but the fantasy is still there.  I am a weirdo lol

I kind of felt this way too, until I was faced with actually doing it. I was so young the first time, and there were so many things that I didn't even think about or know about, and so much that I did because I thought I was supposed to, rather than because it was what I actually wanted. So after I got divorced, I used to think a lot about how I would plan a wedding the second time, and make it more "me." 

Then when H and I started getting serious, I realized that I could think of few things I would hate more than having to go through all that mess again, even if it meant never having the wedding I really wanted.

So my view is basically, "fun to think about as long as I don't actually have to do it."

[bonquiqui]

Nov 8, 2013 22:50:21 GMT -5 CheshireGrin said:

I kind of felt this way too, until I was faced with actually doing it. I was so young the first time, and there were so many things that I didn't even think about or know about, and so much that I did because I thought I was supposed to, rather than because it was what I actually wanted. So after I got divorced, I used to think a lot about how I would plan a wedding the second time, and make it more "me." 

Then when H and I started getting serious, I realized that I could think of few things I would hate more than having to go through all that mess again, even if it meant never having the wedding I really wanted.

So my view is basically, "fun to think about as long as I don't actually have to do it."

And who knows, I might change my mind too.  I am so far away from that point, that it's not even a reality for me.  Hell, I am not even dating yet.  

[CheshireGrin]

Nov 8, 2013 22:55:16 GMT -5 bonquiqui said:

Nov 8, 2013 22:50:21 GMT -5 CheshireGrin said:

I kind of felt this way too, until I was faced with actually doing it. I was so young the first time, and there were so many things that I didn't even think about or know about, and so much that I did because I thought I was supposed to, rather than because it was what I actually wanted. So after I got divorced, I used to think a lot about how I would plan a wedding the second time, and make it more "me." 

Then when H and I started getting serious, I realized that I could think of few things I would hate more than having to go through all that mess again, even if it meant never having the wedding I really wanted.

So my view is basically, "fun to think about as long as I don't actually have to do it."

And who knows, I might change my mind too.  I am so far away from that point, that it's not even a reality for me.  Hell, I am not even dating yet.  

I changed my mind so many freaking times, and it's all just hypothetical until you actually get there anyway.

But I do think it's normal to rehash your wedding and think about what you would have done differently, even if you're not divorced.

[bonquiqui]

Nov 8, 2013 23:10:10 GMT -5 CheshireGrin said:

I changed my mind so many freaking times, and it's all just hypothetical until you actually get there anyway.

But I do think it's normal to rehash your wedding and think about what you would have done differently, even if you're not divorced.

Funny enough, I wanted to do it over so bad, we decided to renew our 10 vows and have a big party.  lol  We fell just short.  Today would have been that day lol 

[WOT?*]

I did a JOP the second time around (and actually the first too. We had a church ceremony about five months after the civil service because hey, the military pays you to get married and we used that money for the wedding.)

DH and I were engaged foreeeeveeeeer because I couldn't decide whether to get married on the East coast for his family, the West coast for mine, in the Midwest because we lived there or just do a Vegas thing as neutral territory with cheap flights. Or just do a JOP and have parties on each coast. Then we bought a house so I decided fixing up the house was more important. Then GD1 ended up moving in with us. Then we had litigation re: GD1's guardianship. Then other things came up, then we moved across the country. It just never happened and I never cared enough to make it happen.

We lived together for eleven years before we ended up moving and I needed insurance. So the planning was negated and we went in front of a private judge-cum-pastor who married us. Had the wedding dress, venue and everything else finally planned out and decided to ditch it all and just get it over with. Neither of us cared about the wedding. We'd been living together for over a decade so it didn't matter to anybody, really.

[isabel]

I've only been married once, I am still married. I adored every single moment of my wedding day. HOWEVER, I *hated* wedding planning. Like, really, thought it was awful. As much as I enjoyed our day, I would have been just as happy eloping with our parents, siblings, and a couple really close friends.

My advice: Do what you really want to do. Don't push or force yourself to do something just because you feel like you should. This wedding is for the two of you and no one else. Enjoy it the way you envision it.

[isabel]

Nov 8, 2013 22:14:31 GMT -5 BunnyMacDougal said:

Nov 8, 2013 22:09:12 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

I'm doing it now. I wasn't a fan either time but this time is easier. It's a smaller wedding (16 people, mostly family). 4 course amazing dinner. No formal reception.

My biggest issue is picking a dress right now and not wanting something similar to my first.

But planning in my 30s does give perspective (what is important to spend $ on and what isn't). I'm also excited about a smaller guest list so we can really engage with those important to us.

The dress-maker and I have this is the works right now.  Much more reasonable neckline to replace that deep dip....and in a color more like champagne that white.  A non-white wedding dress.  I can't (and wouldn't want to) wear white and so, like I say, wth is the point??  Haha!  I don't mean to say that brides who are marrying again can't wear white.  I just can't.   It probably has more to do with the fact that I don't see me bringing myself to do any of this.  Wow, this glass of wine and I are just lettin it all hang out tonight.

That dress is incredible! OMG I LOVE it!

[msgeeksout]

I disliked my first wedding. I had bent over backwards to give everyone a great party but it wasn't me and it wasn't us. So my 2nd time around I married a first timer and DH actually liked what I wanted - Vegas. So we gathered those that wanted to go and did it there. I didn't get married by Elvis like I have wanted since I was a teen but we did get hitched at the Welcome sign. Basically any time I see the sign I am reminded that that was the spot. Makes the dude all weepy (we were in Vegas last week for the first time since getting married 1 1/2 yrs ago - so totally legit - I witnessed it). Anyway I was definitely more chill and relaxed about it the 2nd time. So much easier to plan and little pressure.

[vicky]

I eloped the first time. This time I want an awesome wedding with my family and friends surrounding me. I want to dance the night away with my nonexistent future H.

[vicky]

Nov 8, 2013 23:11:24 GMT -5 bonquiqui said:

Nov 8, 2013 23:10:10 GMT -5 CheshireGrin said:

I changed my mind so many freaking times, and it's all just hypothetical until you actually get there anyway.

But I do think it's normal to rehash your wedding and think about what you would have done differently, even if you're not divorced.

Funny enough, I wanted to do it over so bad, we decided to renew our 10 vows and have a big party.  lol  We fell just short.  Today would have been that day lol 

Lol. We just started to save to have a big shindig for our 5th. I hear ya.

[thebreakfastclub]

It was very different the 2nd time. It was more relaxed, I had an actual voice, it was more "me". #1 was at a Catholic church that I wanted nothing to do with. #2 was a non religious quick ceremony at a golf club.

Since we paid for it ourselves, we did what we wanted and kept it relatively small at 75 guests.

I really never thought about #1. It is in another life almost.