Pity Party for One?

[Dory1988]

I leave in a matter of weeks for basic. I have 3 weekends where I don't work before that including this one. Last night my husband tells me "I'm going with J to see R and L in the Spartan Race tomorrow". I'm not invited to join. Today he tells me "after the race I'm going to San Diego to just walk around and clear my head". Okay he didn't get orders this round he's upset and that's understandable. Then I thought about it and was all "who goes to San Diego to wander the streets alone if they could take their wife who they should be spending time with before she leaves." I get on FB and see one of his friends from deployment posted how excited she is he's coming to hang out tonight. Cue angry WTF are you doing that you didn't tell me you were going to see this female deployment buddy, leaving me home alone to my own devices, when you should be spending time with me?" I'm just mad and needed to vent cause my friends aren't available tonight and my husband left me to go spend time with his friends weeks before I leave for basic. Last night he went out by himself too cause he was mad about not getting orders. Thanks for listening to me whine.

[prettyinpink]

Totally okay. I'd be pissed off too.

[kpol]

I think your H is being a jerk here and you have every right to be upset. ((Hugs))

[amaristella]

Same as what KC said. I would be angry because, at least in my opinion, he gave deliberate misinformation. That's in addition to the fact that you're going away soon and want to have together time!

[Dory1988]

That's totally what I'm mad about. The fact that he lied. At least I'm not a psycho lol.

[Dory1988]

Yeah. He supposedly feels bad, especially cause I have to spend the day alone...eyeroll.

[blondemoment123]

Oh he'll no. I'm pissed for you!

[G22]

I was think exactly what KC said. That's crappy of him.

[pennylane]

I'd be pissed. And he would sure as hell know it.

[ggirl]

Yeah I'd be flipping shit. And creating a huge deal out of this. Because it is a huge deal. Like ojo said, now is not the time for trust issues.

[Dory1988]

I don't think he was planning on telling me...maybe he would have. I can't be sure about that. When he got home last night I let him know if was not okay and that I felt it was very disrespectful. I told him going to clear his head was okay and even going to see his friend I could have lived with if he just talked to me about it and told me the truth. I was probably more offended than I would have been about him spending time with someone other than me right now simply because he hid it from me. He just doesn't do stuff like this...at least he hasn't ever before. I told him if he's stressed about me leaving he needs to talk to me. Unfortunately I can't give him advice regarding his disappointment of not getting orders but I try my best. I think I expressed myself clearly to him. I hope I did.

[amaristella]

Nov 10, 2013 10:56:26 GMT -5 Dory1988 said:

I don't think he was planning on telling me...maybe he would have. I can't be sure about that. When he got home last night I let him know if was not okay and that I felt it was very disrespectful. I told him going to clear his head was okay and even going to see his friend I could have lived with if he just talked to me about it and told me the truth. I was probably more offended than I would have been about him spending time with someone other than me right now simply because he hid it from me. He just doesn't do stuff like this...at least he hasn't ever before. I told him if he's stressed about me leaving he needs to talk to me. Unfortunately I can't give him advice regarding his disappointment of not getting orders but I try my best. I think I expressed myself clearly to him. I hope I did.

That's the crux of the issue, though. Did he have any explanation for why he hid it from you? Or kind of just sit there watching you until you were done talking? (Sometimes mine will think it over and respond later, but usually he hears me.) I can't stand any lie, even teeny tiny white lies because they're always more trouble down the road than the truth up front would have been.

[Dory1988]

He did respond. He said he lied because he knew I'd be upset that he was choosing to spend the day with someone other than me. I think he saw my side.

[beachy]

Fuck that. My husband would have come home to bags packed if he lied to me and went to go meet up with some other woman. There is no excuse for that, especially when you are getting ready to leave and have limited time together.

[WOT?*]

Nov 10, 2013 13:51:32 GMT -5 Dory1988 said:

He did respond. He said he lied because he knew I'd be upset that he was choosing to spend the day with someone other than me. I think he saw my side.

I'm with the others.  Eff that.  He lied about wandering to clear out his head.  He flat out lied about being alone but instead was with a deployment buddy.  Not just any deployment buddy but a FEMALE deployment buddy.  Maybe I'm seeing shadows where none exist but this is a huge issue.  You're leaving soon and he's spending time with another woman.  Deployment buddy or not, he was spending time - alone - with another woman.  Without your knowledge and deliberately hiding it from you and outright lying.  There's no "he feels bad" and "I think he saw my side."  You better damn well KNOW he saw your side and he better damn well be on his knees apologizing for lying to you and breaking trust and giving you every assurance and it will never happen again and showing you every which way until Sunday that you can trust him.  You've got a bigger issue than "I just can't commiserate with him like his deployment buddies can."  He's getting commiseration and sympathy and hair pats from someone of the opposite sex...behind your back and secretively.  That is the job YOU are assigned with the wedding vows.  If he's getting sympathy and hair pats from someone of the opposite sex, you better damn well know about it, about her and he'd better not hide it from you.  If he thinks you'd be pissed or upset, then maybe he needs to rethink where he's going, who he's talking to and how he's going about it.

[iluvmytxrgr]

Nov 10, 2013 13:51:32 GMT -5 Dory1988 said:

He did respond. He said he lied because he knew I'd be upset that he was choosing to spend the day with someone other than me. I think he saw my side.

Screw that!  My husband knows damn well that if he has to lie to me about something, it's wrong and shouldn't be done.  Not okay at all.