Husband Cheated with Prostitutes

[fml]

I am a very real person but I'm not an active poster. I have lurked for years and have posted a few times. I get that you don't know me, and nobody is really going to be care about what I have to say. Trust me I get it. With that being said, I have nobody in real life that I can talk to about this but I need to get it out.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married 5. We've had a very happy relationship. We've always had some issues with sex, mainly him not being interested or being able to perform. I've urged him in the past to see a doctor, but he always said there was no problem.
Today, after looking at our credit card statement I found several charges to different massage parlors. I googled these places and found out they were "happy ending" massage places. I figured that somebody had stolen our credit card numbers, but then realized that the charges had been happening off and on since we opened the card in 2011.
I confronted him about it and he broke down, said that it something that he has been doing off and on for almost 20 years. I'm in shock. I know it sounds so dumb to say but never in a million years would anybody ever think he would do something like this.
I'm not really looking for advice, or maybe I am, I don't know. I just can't tell anybody about this in real life, and I don't know how to process. I just had to get it out.

[themoneytree]

I'm really sorry, that must have been a terrible shock.

Has he indicated that he will stop, or is he an 'addict'?

[nsl]

First, I am so sorry this is happening to you.

Please make sure you see your doctor ASAP so you can be tested for everything.

[tulip]

First step is to call your doc for an STD test ASAP.

As to the rest, one day at a time. I'm sorry.

[Deleted]

See a doctor then a lawyer. I'm disgusted that he was dumb enough to charge them to a joint credit card.

[W.T.Faulkner]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I'm going to echo the calls for STI testing. What he did unfortunately puts you at a health risk too.

[Deleted]

What constitutes a "happy ending"?

[shoeless]

I'm so very sorry

[wannabe]

Holy shit.

[bonquiqui]

I am so very sorry.  I would also get tested, and get a lawyer.  I am so sorry that this is happening.  

[Deleted]

Well, that must have been a shock. 20 years you say? Sounds like a problem. Is he willing to get help? Are you willing to stay? Get tested. You're in the driver's seat here. Make ultimatums that you can go through with. Tell him to get tested then start looking for treatment/counseling/therapy for him. For you. For both IF this is something you want to work through. But that doesn't have to be decided today.

First, talk to your H about what's he's willing to do to stop this behavior. Then call your Dr. Monday and make an appointment to get tested for STDs or look up the STD testing hours for your local free clinic.

[fml]

Nov 9, 2013 20:00:17 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

I'm really sorry, that must have been a terrible shock.

Has he indicated that he will stop, or is he an 'addict'?

He says that this is something that he has been doing for years and has tried to stop, but can't. He said that when we first started dating he stopped for a couple of years, but then started up again. He says he wants to stop, but needs help.

[happyholiday]

I'm sorry.

[fml]

Nov 9, 2013 20:04:05 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

What constitutes a "happy ending"?

Sex. He has been paying for sex.

[pantsoffdanceoff]

I agree with all of the above. Go to the doctor and get a lawyer and I would also recommend therapy. For him, for you and both of you if you guys are going to try and move on from this. Good luck with everything and I'm so sorry that this is happening to you.

[fml]

Nov 9, 2013 20:09:39 GMT -5 mekiakoo said:

I'm sorry. Do you know what you want to do?

I have no idea what I want to do.

[themoneytree]

Nov 9, 2013 20:13:04 GMT -5 fml said:

Nov 9, 2013 20:00:17 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

I'm really sorry, that must have been a terrible shock.

Has he indicated that he will stop, or is he an 'addict'?

He says that this is something that he has been doing for years and has tried to stop, but can't. He said that when we first started dating he stopped for a couple of years, but then started up again. He says he wants to stop, but needs help.

Ok so he's addicted. Only you know if you can deal with this. Take the advice and get tested and it's probably time to consult an attorney. I'm so sorry, what a nightmare. : (

[Deleted]

Nov 9, 2013 20:15:49 GMT -5 @smace said:

Nov 9, 2013 20:04:05 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

What constitutes a "happy ending"?

Depends on the, ahem, masseuse, anywhere from a hand job to a blow job to regular 'ole sex.  

I know this.

I wanted to know exactly what transpired here.

I'm not a fan of euphemisms.  Just state the facts, so accurate assessments and advice may be given.

[Deleted]

Nov 9, 2013 20:14:02 GMT -5 fml said:

Nov 9, 2013 20:04:05 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

What constitutes a "happy ending"?

Sex. He has been paying for sex.

So is this a deal-breaker?

[Deleted]

Nov 9, 2013 20:21:49 GMT -5 @smace said:

Nov 9, 2013 20:17:01 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

I know this.

I wanted to know exactly what transpired here.

I'm not a fan of euphemisms.  Just state the facts, so accurate assessments and advice may be given.

BE MORE SPECIFIC NEXT TIME! :-)

In any event, does it truly matter if it was a hand job or sex-sex? it's nasty no matter what went down. A stranger giving sexual gratification to a husband. Said stranger's sexual health history is likely pretty sketchy seeing as they're paid for said sexual things on a daily basis. 

OP, I'm sorry you're dealing with this but damn. If this isn't a deal breaker, I don't know what is. 

Edited: I see it was sex-sex.OP, I think you deserve better than a man that's lied to you your entire relationship. 

It matters insofar as, if it were just handies, she wouldn't have to get tested, etc.

And, yes, it's nasty either way, but some might rationalize that hand jobs are slightly less nasty than actual penetration.

[wannabe]

Jesus. If that's not a dealbreaker, I don't know what is.

OP, I hope you're okay and that whatever you decide makes you happy. You don't deserve this.

[fml]

Nov 9, 2013 20:21:16 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Nov 9, 2013 20:14:02 GMT -5 fml said:

Sex. He has been paying for sex.

So is this a deal-breaker?

I know it makes me an idiot but I do not know.
I've known he has had issues when it comes to sex for a long time. His childhood was pretty fucked up, and there was some (what I would call) abuse. I really think he needs help but I've also been betrayed.

[zoidberg]

I'm sorry.

[Deleted]

Nov 9, 2013 20:24:23 GMT -5 fml said:

Nov 9, 2013 20:21:16 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

So is this a deal-breaker?

I know it makes me an idiot but I do not know.
I've known he has had issues when it comes to sex for a long time. His childhood was pretty fucked up, and there was some (what I would call) abuse. I really think he needs help but I've also been betrayed.

I wish you luck in your decision.

[papie]

I am sorry. I would be done. First call a lawyer then get tested for STDs. I don't see how this is something a marriage can recover from.

[EloiseWeenie]

You deserve better.

[thumper55]

I'm sorry.  How old is he? because he said he's been doing it for 20 years, and I am wondering at what age he started.

[sparkythelawyer]

I would have no faith in her position that it was "just" handies.

It would be doctor, then lawyer.

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

[tripleshot]

I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this. I know you're not sure what you want to do yet, but you need to make sure you are putting yourself first here. Protect yourself medically, financially, and emotionally. See a lawyer. It doesn't mean you have to file for divorce right away, but know your rights. You're in charge here. Hugs.

[iamgrace]

I'm sorry.