C section with older kid at home

[sara76]

I have a RCS scheduled on Tuesday, and a 22.5 month old daughter at home with her gramma while we're in the hospital. I talked to my MIL about that first visit right after recovery and suggested she meet H in the lobby and he can take DD to the cafeteria while MIL meets her grandson that first time. Or I can set up a babysitter to come over and play with her while MIL goes to hospital. I am getting anxious about DD seeing me with the iv and cath in and feeling all loopy and dizzy (I was last time) and I want to be able to enjoy seeing her meet her brother for the first time. I just want to wait until at least 12 hours out of surgery when all the tubes are out and I have a little movement. Everyone seems to think I'm being crazy and that she should come right away and she's so much stronger than I think.
So anyone who's been there, would you share your experiences?

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Why does it matter what everyone else thinks? If you want to wait, wait.

[sara76]

I do. Fuckers. Why do they have to make me feel guilty?

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Because you let them. Stop worrying about it. Stick to your guns.

[macmars45]

Do what you are comfortable doing. Eff anyone who tries to convince you otherwise.

[Deleted]

I'd wait. Enjoy that first 12 hours or whatever with the new baby. Your DD won't know whether she met her little brother 5 seconds or 5 days after his birth.

[nadasteph]

I had a rcs last Monday and a 21 month old. He came to the hospital 4 hours after and was pretty freaked out by it. He wouldn't come near me in the bed and it took him about ten minutes to even go near the baby with my h holding him. You should wait. Although I did drop a picture of them meeting in the random thread just now.

[Deleted]

Nov 10, 2013 10:00:09 GMT -5 @jezebel said:

I'd wait. Enjoy that first 12 hours or whatever with the new baby. Your DD won't know whether she met her little brother 5 seconds or 5 days after his birth.

Ditto.

[flutterfly]

This is your decision. Do what makes you the most comfortable and happy. I completely get where you are coming from....I was so out of if after my c-section and my MIL came to visit me in recovery. Taking pictures as I puked in one of those little dishes.

[speckledfrog]

Are the people giving you advice ones who have had c-sections? I think your reasoning is valid and take into consideration your daughter's needs as well as your own. I think you should proceed as planned.

[shopgirl07]

I admittedly had a rough time with my c-section, so I think your plan of 12 hours or the next day is a good one. Maybe your MIL can hold out and she and your daughter can meet the new baby at the same time.

[sara76]

Thanks everyone. That was the validation I needed to tell them I win here. I'm lining up a babysitter and if I feel up to the visit right away I'll call babysitter off. She'll understand. But no, neither H or MIL have had a c section. They're just excited to see DD meet her brother and making me the party pooper who doesn't even want to see her poor first born. But I want to enjoy the visit too dammit. I'll get it into their heads

[iamgrace]

I would wait. Henry didn't come to visit me until the next afternoon, and I had a totally routine, easy vaginal birth.

[Mrs. ChanandlerBong]

I didn't have H bring our oldest (she was 2.5 at the time) to visit until the next day.  I'm actually kind of surprised that people are questioning you about this. But maybe that's because our families remembered that I was gray ( the pictures are scary) for the first 6-12 hours after our oldest was born and not really functioning for almost a whole day after.

My mom and H were at the hospital with me during delivery and recovery and MIL was home with DD. I don't remember the exact sequence, but I'm pretty sure at some point DH went home to relieve MIL ( we live 5 minutes from the hospital) and she came to visit.

I also sent my H home at night and put the baby in the nursery. He left around 10ish and they took the baby to the nursery around 11. I had them give a bottle for the first overnight feed so I could get a solid chunk of sleep.  I knew that was my only chance at sleep to recover, to be honest. It didn't affect my ability to nurse and my milk actually came in before we left the hospital. DS was also back to birth weight if not a few oz over, when we were checked out.

[sara76]

MrsBong, my MIL only remembers that when she had her 2nd the hospital wouldn't let her 1st visit at all (no kids rule, 33 years ago) and it made her sad and I think that's why she doesn't understand.
I'm also thinking of doing exactly like you said and sending H home to be with her one night and letting baby go to nursery and have a bottle so I can rest. With my first I was militant in the hospital about no bottle and keeping baby on the boob the whole time but I'm much more confident about supply now also.

[Deleted]

I wish I would have waited. I had a bad time coming off the drugs from my c/s and was so sick and it freaked Madeline out when she came up to meet Charlotte. I wish I would have done it the next day when I was up and around.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using proboards

[sonrisa]

You know your kid, your family and how you are likely to feel. Do what you think is right.

We are going to do it the opposite way. DD has had a lot of exposure to hospitals in her short life since both grand fathers died of terminal illnesses and both grandmothers had knee surgeries which led to extended stays as well. Knowing I'm in the hospital is going to be very stressful for her. Not seeing me until the next day would probably make her distraught. (She cried in DH's lap for three hours straight when I went to pick up my mom from her surgery).

We are " rehearsing" the visit the week before. On the day, my mom will bring her to the lobby then DH will bring them up. DD / mom will bring a mini cupcake "for the baby's birthday" (which DD will eat). We'll sing, the baby will give her a dollhouse family as a gift, then mom and DD will go on the zoo or other extra fun activity. CS is on a Tuesday. Thursday is the "holiday sing" at her preschool. DH will attend that with her before bringing us home.

[IrishBelle]

For me, DD1 was 5.5 when DD2 was born. My C-section was at 9am and she came to visit around 7 pm. The IV and cath were still in but she wasn't bothered by it. That being said, your DD is much younger and you need to do what you are comfortable with and what you think is best for her. I wouldn't worry what others think about it.

[Deleted]

Ds came right away, before dd had even had a bath. He was totally oblivious to my discomfort. Lol. We showed him my incision so he would know not to jump on me and he put a band aid on my hospital gown where it was.

Do whatever feels best to you. My dad kept ds. He was totally ok with being "late" to the party.

[auntie]

This should be at your convenience, not MILs.

I would put down my foot that DD will meet her sib when you are in a place physically and emotionally to savor the experience. I would also insist that DD be the first- aside from you and DH- to meet the new baby.

[ruffles]

As someone who works in that field, I would say wait. Your reasoning it absolutely correct, most little kids freak out at the sight of blood and all the medical equipment. Plus, most want their mom to hold and carry them if they're scared. Give yourself a break too; try and see if you can hold off family until you're in postpartum. You deserve that time and privacy to recuperate and bond with your new little.

[statlerwaldorf]

I am planning on waiting until the next day. I had a rough time for the first 12 hours after I had dd. She is old enough to get freaked out by the monitors going off. Plus I really did not want visitors until I was able to get up and take a shower. I have not even considered having her there sooner unless I decide to try for a vbac and feel up to it.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using proboards

[RandZB]

I waited until the next day for my 2-year old to come up. I was uncathed and up and moving around, so it wasn't too weird for him. He looked so much bigger from that day onward.

[thejen626]

I had a repeat cs scheduled for Tuesday at 9am (surgery around 11am), and I said I didn't want any visitors until Wednesday afternoon. MIL brought DD1 around 6pm on Weds, and it was perfect timing for me. I didn't want her to see me "looking sick" or not be able to hold her, etc.

Don't let anyone pressure you. Do what YOU need.

[Mrs. ChanandlerBong]

Nov 10, 2013 11:19:03 GMT -5 sara76 said:

MrsBong, my MIL only remembers that when she had her 2nd the hospital wouldn't let her 1st visit at all (no kids rule, 33 years ago) and it made her sad and I think that's why she doesn't understand.
I'm also thinking of doing exactly like you said and sending H home to be with her one night and letting baby go to nursery and have a bottle so I can rest. With my first I was militant in the hospital about no bottle and keeping baby on the boob the whole time but I'm much more confident about supply now also.

It sucks that your  MIL is still upset by this 33 years later. However, when I was born I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks. I"m not sure if they called it the NICU back in the 70's, but I was very early, very small and my mom was very sick.

My sister got to see me through a window. I'm not even sure at what point they even brought her to the hospital.
37 years later, my sister is none the worse for it.

Your H needs to tell his mom to stop projecting her disappointment on to you and respect your wishes that your child not come for a day.

Also, have him go home all 3 or 4 nights. At our hospital, they wouldn't allow rooming in overnight if there wasn't a support person for a c-section mom. Having him go home the whole time guarantees that you'll get the rest you need because baby is in the nursery for the first feeding and taken back to the nursery after your nurse the 2nd feeding.

[sonrisa]

Nov 10, 2013 13:45:43 GMT -5 Mrs. ChanandlerBong said:

Also, have him go home all 3 or 4 nights. At our hospital, they wouldn't allow rooming in overnight if there wasn't a support person for a c-section mom. Having him go home the whole time guarantees that you'll get the rest you need because baby is in the nursery for the first feeding and taken back to the nursery after your nurse the 2nd feeding.

That might be true of your hospital. Ours does not have a well baby nursery so there isn't the option to send the baby away, even if you want to or have no support. If they don't need to be in the NICU, they room in. 

[leshoequeen]

Do what you're comfortable with. We played it by ear and ended up inviting family to come and bring DD1 the afternoon that our second was born. She was born at 7:30 and I had visitors around 2 or so. I felt great by that time and probably still had the IV port but nothing more. Hope all goes well for you!

[julez]

Nov 10, 2013 10:36:38 GMT -5 sara76 said:

Thanks everyone. That was the validation I needed to tell them I win here. I'm lining up a babysitter and if I feel up to the visit right away I'll call babysitter off. She'll understand. But no, neither H or MIL have had a c section. They're just excited to see DD meet her brother and making me the party pooper who doesn't even want to see her poor first born. But I want to enjoy the visit too dammit. I'll get it into their heads

If anyone gives you a hard time, have the conversation about your wishes ahead of time with your OB.  He or she can formally recommend no visitors for the first 12 hours after your c/s.  Heck, even if you don't want to talk to your OB about it, you can still tell everyone that this is the recommendation. 

I use my OB's "recommendations" a lot to get what I want.