I need to know if I'm being fair. Long.

[mushmouse]

Nov 12, 2013 11:06:27 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

Nov 12, 2013 9:56:15 GMT -5 @smace said:

Let's say you listen to dumbass mom and take both kids. What if one gets hurt b/c you're attending to the other, which happens at our house and there are no special needs involved. WHO DO YOU THINK THAT NUMBNUT WILL BLAME? Will she blame herself for demanding you take both children to be 'fair'?

No.

She will blame you and your life will get even more complicated.

She's an ungrateful brat who is motivated time and time again by selfishness, this isn't the first, second or third time she's put her needs ahead of her children.

Hm. I'm angry about this for some reason, lol.

I love you so hard.

On the outside I'm just dealing with it. On the inside I'm fucking fuming.  Her boyfriend's dad was asked to babysit the children (both of them) for 1.5 hours M-T because of temporarily overlapping work schedules. He lives 4 blocks away. He said he'd do it...for $100 a week.

We live three hours away and will drop everything at a moment's notice to see those kids and those other asshole grandparents can't even be bothered to watch them for an hour unless they get paid but we're in the wrong for not taking them both for an entire weeked or week during the summer/holidays.

I think my answer to her would be "OK".  Then just don't invite them.  She will call you up begging to resume the old schedule by January.

[fivechickens]

I kind of think V & M have it better because they get one on one time wih grandma and grandpa.

But that aside, Its your house and so you can dictate how things go. Also. i think its kind of assholey that the mom, knowing her son needs to be supervised more, expects you to take on both of them when you aren't okay with that.

[CrazyLucky]

I grew up 90 minutes from my grandfather. He did not acknowledge birthdays, graduations, confirmation, or anything else. You are awesome just for being such a big part of all the grandchildren's lives.

[Gato]

That you are willing to drive to get your gradkids is great in and of itself.  I'm sure you guys are absolutely wonderful grandparents and provide a lot of loving attention and support for your Gkids.  If one at a time is what works for you, then that is how it should be.

Personally, I have no idea how often or what the set up is when H's brother's kids visit my MIL.  I don't think it's a competition or a question of fairness.  So to me, that is a dumb reason for V&M to be visiting together.  I guess I don't have a lot of sympathy because I don't expect grandparents to provide free childcare.  Wonderful if they are willing to do it, but it's not a requirement, it's a gift.

(Edited because I wasn't making sense.)

[livinitup]

I think you should tell her that's fine and that you totally understand that she wants you visiting both kids. So, now you'll sleep over her house for visits.

[IrishBelle]

Having grandparents look after your children is a privilege, not a right. I'm lucky in that my parents are very generous and offer to take my kids A LOT. However, I still feel guilty when I have to ask them to watch my kids because I know they don't have to and there are other things they could be doing with their time. I have no problems getting another sitter if I need to.

She doesn't get to set the rules so that it benefits her. I'm sure its not benefiting the kids in this situation.

[hisno1girl]

Nov 12, 2013 12:20:16 GMT -5 @smace said:

I really don't understand those who are advising you to give in to her temper tantrum when you already do so much.

Doesn't seem like a wise precedent to me.

PS: how's your H doing? Didn't he have hip replacement? My dad, even without his drinking issues, had knee replacement and he physically would be unable to help my mom watch both kids at this time.

The husband had the left hip replaced in February and the right hip replaced in July. Both hips work well

Chemo ended in January and he doesn't go back for blood work until next month but that gives us ELEVEN months of remission and that's never happened before.  He had a new chemo this time and the fact that we're close to a year of remission is absolutely incredible

[hisno1girl]

Nov 12, 2013 13:02:28 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

If her deal is you now must take them together or not at all, say Ok. And then don't take them at all.

She'll notice, after a while, and then ask you why you won't take the kids, and then you can be all passive agressive and say "oh, I know you're not comfortable with us taking the kids one at a time, and right now we just can't physically manage the two of them together with our health problems, and I just didn't want to put you in the position of having to tell us no, so even though I'd like to have them, I just thought you'd prefer it this way......" Injured look.

You've got the Catholic Mother Guilt Trip form down pat!

[mushmouse]

Nov 12, 2013 13:36:21 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

Nov 12, 2013 13:02:28 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

If her deal is you now must take them together or not at all, say Ok. And then don't take them at all.

She'll notice, after a while, and then ask you why you won't take the kids, and then you can be all passive agressive and say "oh, I know you're not comfortable with us taking the kids one at a time, and right now we just can't physically manage the two of them together with our health problems, and I just didn't want to put you in the position of having to tell us no, so even though I'd like to have them, I just thought you'd prefer it this way......" Injured look.

You've got the Catholic Mother Guilt Trip form down pat!

I just assumed this was a passive agressive Irish Mother form.  That's where I learned it! Catholic guilt is when anything enjoyable is tinged with shame. LOL

[joyfull]

My dad took only Joey for a weekend. I didn't mind Joey really needed the one on one time with him. I don't think it's unfair at all. I think the mother is being bitchy.

[hisno1girl]

@cse1960 My daughter jokingly asked me what I would do if she said she decided to not have children.  I told I wouldn't do anything because I'd die from heartache and if she could, could she please dig a hole in the back yrd so I can lay down in it and die, but if she was too busy, I'd understand. Besides, one day I'll be dead anyway but it's her life.....*sigh*

OMG we laughed and laughed.