If you bought someone jewelry as a gift

[AHappierHour]

2 years ago we bought MIL a pendent that had both of our girls birthstones and a diamond in the middle. It's a 3 drop strand. She asked me yesterday if we could go to my jeweler and have it re-done so she could add all her grand kids. That would be adding 6 more stones. I understand if she wants something with all her grand kids but that would be a whole different looking piece. It kinda made me sad.

I'm almost tempted to see if FI's sisters want to go in on together and get her a new pendent with all the kids.

[purrbox]

The only thing that would bother me is the price. How much is this going to cost?

[lime]

Is she asking you to pay for the upgrade or no?

[leeann]

I get being bugged that it will most likely not look right with 6 stones vs. 3, but I understand her wanting it to have all the grandkids on it so that no one feels left out if she wants to wear it all the time.

[pantsparty]

Um, whut? Why would you guys have to do this? What if people have more kids? Are you responsible for the additions to this necklace FOR LIFE?

[julez]

I wouldn't be mad, but I would be kind of pissed if she was expecting me/us to foot the bill.

[bcv513]

I understand her wanting all the kids on it, but why should you pay for it?

[AHappierHour]

It would be 9 stones total.

I know what we spent and it wasn't cheap. I think she would pay for it but it would cost a lot for something like that.

[janegold]

It sounds like she just wants OP's permisison to modify the pendant, which I think is thoughtful. I don't think this would bother me.

[Deleted]

I understand her wanting something with all her grandkids but I'd be upset if she did something that messed up the original gift.

[AHappierHour]

I think I'm bothered not by it looking different but by changing it into something it was never meant to be. FI wanted to get his mom something nice that represented his kids. But I do understand that she would want something with all her grand kids. I know it's her necklace and she can do what she wants with it.

[noodleoo]

Nov 12, 2013 12:10:28 GMT -5 AHappierHour said:

I think I'm bothered not by it looking different but by changing it into something it was never meant to be. FI wanted to get his mom something nice that represented his kids. But I do understand that she would want something with all her grand kids. I know it's her necklace and she can do what she wants with it.

I think it is tough to give someone a gift with strings attached.  The gift was very thoughtful, but the fact is that she has 9 grandkids and perhaps wearing the necklace given makes her feel like she's favoring your kids over the others.  Is it better for her to ask permission to modify the gift to include all her grandkids or never wear the pendant?  This type of pendant I think should be reserved for the mother, not the grandmother.

This is why gift giving can be a pain.  A sweet gesture, but once the gift is given, it should be up the receiver what she does with it.  It is like giving people art and then expecting them to display it even if they hate it.

[BaliHai]

I'd just ask SIL(s) to go in on an entirely new necklace.

My feelings wouldn't be hurt, though I understand why you're bummed.