WWYD? Really need your input!

[Duchess1]

Ugh. I knew this day would come I just thought I would have more time to decide how to handle it.

LMC has to do an ancestor project for school. They are looking for specific countries and their flags. I don't have that info for her bio parents.

So,do I tell her that and let her choose from our countries? Do I just give her our countries without going into it with her? Do I get her excused from the project so I don't have to deal,Lol!?

Is our history hers now or does the bio link trump all?

What say you wise LGBTers?

[twotrue]

Hmmm....well not having any info on bio parents makes it hard. I'm trying to think about what I would do with Jelly Bean. Her donor has one ethnic/nationality the same as K (which is why we chose him) but also has several others that he doesn't share with K. Those are unique to JB and her brothers. I don't know that we will go out of our way to teach her about those cultures but we will certainly help her explore them if she wants.

How do conversations about bio parents go? If it's going to open up a can of worms/lead to negative behaviors than I might lean towards avoiding the conversation. Otherwise I think honesty is best. Explain that you don't know her ancestral history but part of family is shared culture and now she shares yours. Give her your history and let her go from there.

[ct]

Nov 12, 2013 13:51:05 GMT -5 twotrue said:

How do conversations about bio parents go? If it's going to open up a can of worms/lead to negative behaviors than I might lean towards avoiding the conversation. Otherwise I think honesty is best. Explain that you don't know her ancestral history but part of family is shared culture and now she shares yours. Give her your history and let her go from there.

 This!

 Being adopted and what that means is an every day conversation in our house, so I could see us doing the project 2 ways - one being family of origin lineage (african american), then one being current family lineage (irish/jewish).

[2brides]

We have very scant information about the donor. So for this intent and purpose, we'd go with L's and my heritage...but then again, we still haven't really discussed the concept of a donor since we haven't had the "where to babies come from" talk. If this assignment was in high school (and we'll obviously have the donor discussion by then), it would be up to the kid to determine what that assignment looked like (L an me) or (donor and me.)

[Duchess1]

Thanks!

She knows she is adopted but has no memory of her bio parents. She asks questions, it comes up, but it's not a constant discussion. We take our cues from her and her emotional state. Her unstable mental health means we have to be very careful about how we handle discussions like these.

I have to give her a lot of I don't knows when she asks questions about when she was a baby. I know that hurts her. I feel bad having to give her another.

Since we do not know about her family of origin,using those is impossible. I think I'll hand out another I don't know, show her our flags and let her choose the one she likes best. Hopefully the fallout will be minimal.

Projects like these will come along often. We will both have get used to the questions and emotions that come along with them.

[mk]

Why don't you use yours? Your family is hers now, right?

[seattlekari]

You've got great advice already, I just wanted to wish you luck and hope that it goes smoothly.

[ssg73]

I like the previous advice. I would tell her that you don't know and then let her pick from yours. We have not had to have this challenge yet but I am sure it will come into play at some point. Ella's donor shares some of my own heritage so it will be less of an issue. Good luck.

[bluedaisyus]

I really like two's advice about part of family being culture. That's got to be a tough position to be in.