How are you dealing with a picky eater?

[tennisgal]

Ugh.  I thought this was just a phase, but we've been going pretty strong in the picky eating category for about 2-3 months.  At his 18mo appt, the pedi didn't seem all that concerned with it yet, she just said to keep trying/offering things.  I'm sick of being a short-order cook!  Last night, I seriously made: black beans, peas, broccoli, cauliflauer, carrots and sweet potato tots.  Of that, I think he ate 2 beans, 2 peas, maybe 4-5 each of the broccoli, cauliflauer and carrots and none of the tots.  After all of that, the bulk of the meal was 2 pouches, a banana and yougurt (which is stuff he'll pretty much always eat.)

I'm torn because I want him to eat more variety, but I just keep offering different stuff and he keeps refusing - so I go back to giving him what I know he'll eat.  How are you dealing with this?  Should I put something that he likes and something that he doesn't like and then not give him more until he finishes what's on his plate?

ETA: i didnt make all of those options in hopes he would eat it all. It was because he wouldnt eat beans so then i made peas, then made carrots because he wouldnt eat the peas, etc.

[Deleted]

I put what we are having and then something I know she likes. She usually eats what she likes first and just recently started trying the stuff she hasn't had or didn't like before. She pretty much won't eat any vegetables but I just keep putting them on her plate.

I don't make her finish her meal but I usually will only offer one thing that wasn't on her plate if she doesn't eat much (usually string cheese or a pouch) just to get a few calories in.

[jsillyfun]

Hm, well, I may be biased because of how little May eats, but that sounds like a ton of food to me. If May was willing to eat two pouches and a banana, I would let it go at that and maybe offer one of those other things that she doesn't usually eat and let her try it or not depending on if she feels like it. A typical dinner for May is 4 or 5 pieces of carrots and that's it.

[hass2001]

I'm struggling with this as well. She was getting really adventurous for a second but now she's back to being picky. She eats so much Mac and cheese! I don't want to be a short order cook either, but I also want her to have a full tummy.

[muppetinma]

I have a chunky kid, so take this for what it's worth-

I give him stuff I know he'll eat and some things that he might not. That's all he gets. If he chooses not to eat it, he goes to bed without dinner. He's not starving to death, and it doesn't affect his sleep.

[claralou]

Nov 24, 2013 11:00:32 GMT -5 muppetinma said:

I have a chunky kid, so take this for what it's worth-

I give him stuff I know he'll eat and some things that he might not. That's all he gets. If he chooses not to eat it, he goes to bed without dinner. He's not starving to death, and it doesn't affect his sleep.

Same. She only gets what what she gets. If she doesn't eat it, she doesn't eat it. But if she's hungry, she'll typically eat it eventually.

My caveat: she's a really good eater in general. I have no way of knowing if that's my methodology working or if we just got lucky, so take that for what it's worth.

[blane12]

I'm sorta dealing with this. He is where he wants to throw everything on the floor which drives me crazy! If there's something that I know he hasn't been wanting to eat much lately (mixed veggies for example), I feed them first, and try to get him to eat as much of that as he will. If he starts refusing, I'll say one more bite, and then you can have XX, and he'll usually go for it. Then I'll follow that with something he's guaranteed to eat such as applesauce, mac n cheese, mashed potoatoes, etc.

He's a decent eater, and he's in the 98 percentile for weight, so like others said, if he doesn't eat it all, I let it go. I know what you mean though about trying to get some calories (healthy calories) in him! I can't say that he's ever gone to bed hungry, but typically I'll only try 1 food that he is being picky about, and combine that with ones I know he'll eat. Good luck!! Meal times have been frusterating lately, and are taking forever!!

[kkfeb04]

Our Pedi says they will eat when they are hungry. Kalvin has many issues with food most likely due to his sensory issues. We are told he eats everything at school, I'm hesitant on that because the boy has never eaten anything green, I don't believe for a hot minute he ate most of his broccoli. At home, mealtimes are challenging. We use a timer and make him sit with us for 15-20 minutes. He knows the timer goes off, he can get up. Now we've been using this strategy for 2 years with the help of his OT. Sometimes he does eat before the timer goes off. If he doesn't, he can get up. Later we will offer plain Cheerios if he's hungry. We went through a strong stage of "how bout ice cream?" Keeping consistent is key.

If neither likes the meal, they can have plain Cheerios. I never offer favorite foods as an alternative. He doesn't get choices at school. I do ask him what he would like to eat for dinner and I do try to make one thing he likes. We just got through 8 days of not eating anything for dinner, he didn't even eat cereal. He'll eat when he's hungry. They both are at the low end of weight but it isn't something the Pedi is concerned.

Also, I never require them to eat all of their food. If he eats 70% of his meal and we have a dessert, he can have it.

We have also learned not to put too much on his plate because he won't eat anything, its too busy for him.

[orriskitten]

Mel is a picky eater. We give her what we're having, putting it in different sections of her plate. If the food is in one section she won't eat the stuff she likes because there's the stuff she doesn't like. She will usually go for rice/pasta/cous cous and most of the time the meat if it isn't flavor crazy or in sauce. She usually will not touch the veggies. Lately I've been giving her some fruit, just so it's not only starches and meat.

Eta: we use a plate with 3 sections from target for dinner.

After she says all done if she hasn't had a lot, we offer a pouch. Sometimes during the meal she requests it and she can have it then. I don't cook special for her and am fine with giving her a pouch. I keep offering new things. If she doesn't eat it, that's fine, at least we tried.

[Deleted]

I agree with PP's. Usually I give him what we're eating and then something I know he'll eat, like bread/fruit, and thats it. He is doing better about trying new foods, but sometimes its hit or miss! If we're eating something I know he absolutely WILL NOT touch (like ground beef), I made him an alternative dinner. But thats the only time I will. I refuse to make him a separate dinner every night.

[hass2001]

I also deal with a picky husband so that doesn't help. He doesn't eat veggies and I'm afraid she is taking after him.

[kkfeb04]

Nov 24, 2013 12:11:42 GMT -5 hass2001 said:

I also deal with a picky husband so that doesn't help. He doesn't eat veggies and I'm afraid she is taking after him.

Us too. H thinks carrots and green beans are the only veggies. FIL has made gag faces because he doesn't like eggs. All grandparents have been told that just because they don't like something, they are not to tell the kids it is gross, etc. Yes, they have called normal food yucky. H was more pissed than I was.

[imimahoney]

Nov 24, 2013 11:08:28 GMT -5 claralou said:

Nov 24, 2013 11:00:32 GMT -5 muppetinma said:

I have a chunky kid, so take this for what it's worth-

I give him stuff I know he'll eat and some things that he might not. That's all he gets. If he chooses not to eat it, he goes to bed without dinner. He's not starving to death, and it doesn't affect his sleep.

Same. She only gets what what she gets. If she doesn't eat it, she doesn't eat it. But if she's hungry, she'll typically eat it eventually.

My caveat: she's a really good eater in general. I have no way of knowing if that's my methodology working or if we just got lucky, so take that for what it's worth.

This is us also. He eats what we eat (for the most part). I will sometimes throw some avocado on his plate if he isn't eating a lot of protein. He gets milk before bed but lately he hasn't been drinking that much of it. 

[hass2001]

Nov 24, 2013 12:48:37 GMT -5 kkfeb04 said:

Nov 24, 2013 12:11:42 GMT -5 hass2001 said:

I also deal with a picky husband so that doesn't help. He doesn't eat veggies and I'm afraid she is taking after him.

Us too. H thinks carrots and green beans are the only veggies. FIL has made gag faces because he doesn't like eggs. All grandparents have been told that just because they don't like something, they are not to tell the kids it is gross, etc. Yes, they have called normal food yucky. H was more pissed than I was.

I'd be pissed too. Everyone has their dislikes but don't project that to the little ones.

The only veggie H will eat is canned green beans made with bacon, which is just abut the only veggie I will not eat. He'll eat corn sometimes. Carrots if I make them just like his mom but I can't ever get it right. So I'm always making a hundred different things for dinner.

[laurack]

I give her what we are having usually. She often will refuse but I have stopped letting her out of the chair until we are done eating. Usually towards the ends she will give in. Also I've started explaining that this is all the food she will,get and there won't be anything else. I think she is just starting to understand it.

I am not that strict and if she sees a pouch or applesauce after dinner and starts yelling for it I usually give in.

I have heard to just keeping putting the food in front of them and some day maybe they will eat it. After not eating a green for months one day she just ate all the broccoli from her plate. It was bizarre. Now she will usually eat brocolli but still won't eat a green bean. Oh well we'll just keep offering.

I don't plan to or want to make it a big battle. I offer her usually at least one thing I know she likes/will eat. I am not force feeding her or making her finish her plate and don't plan ever to. All done? That is fine. Their appetites vary a ton day to day I've found. Some days she picks at everything and some days she eats so much I am shocked.

[Deleted]

Ugh. I have been giving into his demands waaayyy too much lately. After Thanksgiving I am buckling down again. I was doing pretty well with the one thing he loves, one thing he might eat, and one thing that is new (ie, whatever we are having for dinner). I've been lazy though, and he is eating a lot of quesadillas, yogurt, and cheese. He's getting back on track next week. I just have to keep offering things, and hope that he eats them one day.

[carawestt]

I give in, not going to lie. I'm so tired of making a meal and then it being thrown onto the floor. If he likes what we're eating, he gets that but if I know he won't eat it, I make him his own meal.

[silverjm]

My kid is a super skimpy eater, so if I can get him to eat 5-6 bites of anything I consider that a success. I always offer veggies first. If he refuses those I offer a go-to fruit like grapes or bananas, and then we go on to the main course. We rarely do family meals since my H isn't home for dinner most days, so I typically cook things I know he likes. If he doesn't want to eat, then I don't make him. If he doesn't eat dinner, then I will offer a cheese stick or peanut butter before bed time and he also gets a bottle of milk, so I don't really worry about him going to bed hungry.

[lolaburns]

If I am serving something new I serve whatever the new item is and that's it first. I don't offer two things at once - especially if it is something I know he will eat.

I try to get in all food groups during the day so if he ate a good bit of protein at lunch but not veggies I offer the veggie first at dinner. once he finishes that I offer the next course. I don't cook him separate meals from the rest of the family anymore. If he doesn't want to eat his dinner I offer a fruit/cheese later before we go up to his bath.

We had a nutritionist at our library class two weeks ago and she said as long as they are getting one good meal a day and various food groups throughout the week at this age you shouldn't worry. She said not to cook them a meal just of their own and the serving sizes are smaller than we think.

[hass2001]

Speaking of "force feeding", is me still putting fork to her mouth considered force feeding? Most of the time I'm still feeding her if it requires a fork or spoon because she's not that good with it yet and gets frustrated. If she turns her head up I put the spoon down and don't make her eat it.

[fusion]

Nov 24, 2013 15:21:23 GMT -5 hass2001 said:

Speaking of "force feeding", is me still putting fork to her mouth considered force feeding? Most of the time I'm still feeding her if it requires a fork or spoon because she's not that good with it yet and gets frustrated. If she turns her head up I put the spoon down and don't make her eat it.

No, not at all. I don't think it's physically possible to force feed this age? It's not like you can psychologically manipulate them (yet, lol), and Anna will just spit out something she doesn't like or tell me she is all done when she is full if I am spooning something.

[formerlyllizzyb]

Nov 24, 2013 11:00:32 GMT -5 muppetinma said:

I have a chunky kid, so take this for what it's worth-

I give him stuff I know he'll eat and some things that he might not. That's all he gets. If he chooses not to eat it, he goes to bed without dinner. He's not starving to death, and it doesn't affect his sleep.

This is us. 99% of the time he only eats the familiar food, but at least he's getting exposure to what we're eating. The kid has a very simple diet as a result.

I try to follow Ellyn Satter's guidelines from the book Child of Mine.

[greenkitty98]

Nov 24, 2013 14:29:41 GMT -5 laurack said:

I give her what we are having usually. Shethi en will refuse but I have stopped letting her out of the chair until we are done eating. Usually towards the ends she will give in. Also I've started explaining that this is all the food she will,get and there won't be anything else. I think she is just starting to understand it.

I am not that strict and if she sees a pouch or applesauce after dinner and starts yelling for it I usually give in.

I have heard to just keeping putting the food in front of them and some day maybe they will eat it. After not eating a green for months one day she just ate all the broccoli from her plate. It was bizarre. Now she will usually eat brocolli but still won't eat a green bean. Oh well we'll just keep offering.

I don't plan to or want to make it a big battle. I offer her usually at least one thing I know she likes/will eat. I am not force feeding her or making her finish her plate and don't plan ever to. All done? That is fine. Their appetites vary a ton day to day I've found. Some days she picks at everything and some days she eats so much I am shocked.

Definitely keep putting foods in front of them that they hate now. B has just started within the past four months eating foods he has refused for several years.

P is an awesome eater, but I can't take credit for it. We have the same rules (try one bite of everything) for both kids and one is picky and one isn't.

After one bite of everything has been tried, they can have bread & butter, a piece of fruit, or leftovers from the night before.

[joyhart02]

Nov 24, 2013 14:52:21 GMT -5 carawestt said:

I give in, not going to lie. I'm so tired of making a meal and then it being thrown onto the floor. If he likes what we're eating, he gets that but if I know he won't eat it, I make him his own meal.

Don't worry Cara, I do too. We did with Lydia and are now slowly working ourself out of it with her approaching four. In the last month she has slowly started trying new things, like last night I made  chicken noodle soup with egg noodles. I put it on a seperate bowl and so made her Mac and cheese. At the end of the meal she actually tried it!!

Since I already make something else for Lydia, if I know Calista won't eat what I made I will make her something else too. But I try and get her to eat what I made. 

I have been been more strict this time around. Tomorrow night I am making tortellini, I know Lydia won't eat it, but I will not be making her something else. 

[devotchka]

I was looking up older threads about this topic bc we are struggle HARD with it. I used to just plop Max down in his high chair and he would eat everything. Maybe not all of everything but almost everything we offered him... now he barely eats any of it and HATES all things high chair and boosters. I even got a cute turtle booster chair that he barely wants to touch. He either wants to be on our laps or running around. We have tried forcing him but it just turns into a tantrum and makes dinnertime hell. I don't really know what to do. He has gotten really picky and even things that used to be favorites he will barely touch. And then randomly if he is really hungry he will pick at things at our table (like at Hanukkah dinner he ate a good amount of roast, some applesauce and carrots but wouldn't touch our beloved latkes!)... but then he has to "make it" through the hunger and not break down, which he sometimes does. I think we have to experiment with not giving him snacks after he wakes up from nap and just have an earlier dinner, but it's though when he comes home from preschool and they had snacks there. Sigh...

[mala]

Now that B can say "no" I find mealtimes easier. When I'm making her lunch, I'll ask if she wants xyz, and she can tell me yes or no, which seems to save on wasted food. The flip side is like today, when she literally only wanted pasta. She said no to everything else. I would recommend cutting down the snacks. Now, even if B asks for snack, if it's not snack time (right after her nap) or a mealtime, I tell her no, it's not time to eat. I keep offering her lots of different foods even if I know she wont eat them. sometimes she surprises me.