I'm starting to resent nursing

[lauranicole91]

At least at night. I have pretty much decided that nursing is what is keeping my child from sleeping. She is up every 2 hours and demands to nurse back to sleep. If I try to send DH in she screams and WILL NOT let DH even touch her. If I try to rock her or hold her she just screams and tries to wiggle away.

I can tell DH just wants me to wean so we can just sleep. But neither of us are ready at all. I am seriously crying at the thought. But omg we need sleep guys!

DH keeps wanting to let her CIO but I'm not a fan. Well tonight after being awake with her for 2 hours trying to get her down with nursing, rocking, reading etc with no luck, I just left. I made her say bye bye and left my screaming child in the hands of DH as I walked out to my car in fucking 30° weather to get away. I hate CIO but if we are going to try it I cannot hear it.

I feel like such a failure and I am just so tired.

We've tried earlier bed times, later bedtimes, delayed responses to her MOTN cries, rocking, water sippies, milk sippies, rubbing her back/tummy/head and talking softly, DH going in, and any other night weaning tactic. All attempts end in sobs and a string of "peas peas peas mmmmm" asking for milk.

I love nursing and I love that she loves it but I cannot continue to stay up all night nursing her. I cannot function.

[ashleydl83]

I wish I had some helpful advice, but all I have is big huge hugs.

[Deleted]

Oh man, this sucks Laura, I really feel for you CIO sucks, but it sounds like it's the lesser of the 2 evils - the other being no sleep and not functioning.
If you decide to CIO, yes, get out of the house and let DH deal with it, go for a drive or something. The good thing is that she should "get it" pretty quickly.
(((hugs)))

[Christina]

I'm just lurking but wanted to say that you are doing the right thing. I didn't nurse dd but she was always tough to get to sleep. I didn't want to sleep train because I felt like eventually she would sleep on her own.
Well she is almost 3 and it's 4am here and we are up watching Mickey Mouse because she won't sleep. I am still struggling and it's only gotten harder as she has gotten older.
Good luck and remember that you are doing the right thing.

[imimahoney]

Ugh, that sounds so horrible. You have done such an amazing job, nursing her for so long. Some new sleep tactics might be needed. I recommend reading either Ferber or Sleep easy. We used sleep easy and I remember there beings an entire chapter dedicated to sleeping training a toddler.

Good luck. I hope whatever path you pick is easy on all of you!

[sunshineluv]

Hugs! I used Ferber and I know a lot of ladies did for night weaning, but is there a non CIO method? Maybe the sleep lady shuffle? I hope there is a not too harsh way for you to night wean. I cannot imagine still waking up every two hours, you and her both need better sleep than that.

[bean47]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way and things aren't going well I hope you find something that works for all of you.

[lauranicole91]

Ugh so after a half hour sitting in my car I came back inside. DH was in her room and she was quiet. I assumed asleep. So I laid down in bed. Then Wes tried to leave her room and woke her up in the process so she started bawling again and Wes walked out. I couldn't take it so I went in and nursed her back to sleep. Her voice was so raspy and course from all the crying that took place while I was out of the house. It made me sick.

DH wants to continue to do it though. I'm going to have him read up on the different methods. I will still have to leave the house during it though. I just do not have it in me to listen to her cry. I am a whimp.

[eav2c]

You aren't a wimp. Different strokes for different folks. Maybe it is the solution for you or maybe it isnt. I am no help, unfortunately. I have put C down 100% of the time and always have nursed to sleep. Same for MOTN wakeups. He has good and bad days. Hope you get some relief soon.

[raynes]

Ah man I'm sorry.

I know for us what ended up working was having H go into him, with no possibility of mommy coming in at all. I think it took a few nights, and there was a lot of crying in his arms, but he go over it pretty quickly. We kept sending H in for wake ups for a few weeks just to reinforce the idea. Even now a few months later he still goes back to sleep so much better for H than me in the MOTN if he wakes up.

I hope you guys can find something that works, broken sleep like that is just so hard.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry you still have so many night wakings I can't believe you do that and work! if you do sleep train the key to me is consistency. There are some good books out there that you might read before you try and some are "low" cry books.

If you do night wean and sleep train, sleep is important for babies too and it doesn't necessarily come natural for all kids. Ada's sleep got a lot better when we night weaned, and it only took about 2 nights and truthfully she is happier during the day when she sleeps good at night.

[unclejesse]

I'm sorry you are going through this. H and I had many arguments about letting him cry. I hated hearing him cry, but at the end of the day, it had to happen in order for us to be functioning people. We would go in and comfort him if he got really hysterical, but never took him out of bed. IMO, they need to start learning how to put themselves to sleep. If you go in and nurse every time she starts crying, why would she not cry? It's tough, but you guys all need to get a good night's sleep.

[Deleted]

Thad still wakes in the night and I have gotten back in the habit of letting him nurse (he doesn't nurse to sleep though.) I have to cio again because:
1. He is a happier and healthier kid when he isn't waking up for stretches in the night.
2. I am happier and healthier when I am not waking up for stretches in the night.

Remember to trust Wes's gut too. Don't do it if you feel it is wrong, but don't discount his intuition either.

[skwcm80]

Nov 25, 2013 9:59:02 GMT -5 unclejesse said:

I'm sorry you are going through this. H and I had many arguments about letting him cry. I hated hearing him cry, but at the end of the day, it had to happen in order for us to be functioning people. We would go in and comfort him if he got really hysterical, but never took him out of bed. IMO, they need to start learning how to put themselves to sleep.  If you go in and nurse every time she starts crying, why would she not cry? It's tough, but you guys all need to get a good night's sleep.

Pretty much this, especially the bolded part. We had to let A CIO because nothing else would work. And even now, he sleeps poorly if I'm next to him. He just wants to nurse all night long. 

[thedahliharpa]

Hi, my morning is really crazy so this will be short for now. Look into the Jay Gordon Night Weaning Method. I would modify it so that it's a plan Wes can follow, removing the nursing. More later...

[jfh]

I'm so sorry. Please remember that you are NOT a failure, not even close - you've kept up round-the-clock nursing for a very very long time! You've done a great job and it's perfectly ok if it's time for both of you to move on to the next phase.

In my opinion, it's important that you not go in and nurse her once you've made the decision to hold off all night. You don't want her thinking that she can get you in there if only she cries long and hard enough. Wes HAS to be the one to go in. I'm sure different things work for different people, but I have a very stubborn kid who loooooooves to nurse, and I couldn't confuse him with inconsistent responses.

I absolutely cannot stand the sound of K crying at night, and I don't believe this is a weakness. We are designed to protect our children. I think it's great that you have a strong maternal reaction to her distress. But if W is with her, you know she's being loved, comforted and cared for, so she has everything she needs in that moment.

Sorry I'm rambling but I really feel for you. Good luck, and hugs!!

[Deleted]

Laura, you need to do what's best for you and Pey. If getting sleep is what's best (and I think it might be,) you should probably do that. There are a ton of ways to wean, and not all include crying. Pushing back feedings just a couple of minutes each night really worked for us. Granted, he was only 11 months old at the time, but still. I agree, sleep easy or Ferber might work for you. You can do it, she can do it. The crying is only temporary. I was terrified of it also, but with DH's support and help, it worked, and I can't tell you how much better we felt when we were successful. And it didn't affect his day nursing at all. Hugs!

[carawestt]

I'm sorry. You've already gotten a lot of great advice. I hope you figure out something that works for you.

[irishsara]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Its so hard to make changes like this. But, it sounds like sleep is definitely needed by everyone in your household. I would think long and hard (when its not the middle of the night) to decide if this is what you really need to do for the health and sanity of your family. And if it is, then you definitely need to make a plan and stick to it!

I know if feels like nothing is working, but nothing is going to work the first few times you try it. It takes repetition and perseverance. If you have decided to not nurse at night anymore, than you need to not do it. No matter how long or hard she cries. Its going to get worse, but then it WILL get better. There is no magical solution. The process is tough, but you can do it. And she will be FINE.

[nilex0102]

I think you have gotten a lot of great advice already. I think sleep needs to be a priority right now and you need to find a way (that is acceptable for everyone) to get to where Pey learns to put herself back to sleep.
From my experience this is just one of many battles you will have with your child and the key to them all is consistency.
Do what is best for the health and sanity of your family. Hugs

[monkeybabe]

I don't have advice, because I'm dealing with the same thing right now, but I want to give you understanding hugs. I've been sleeping in Zoe's bed with her recently, and am slowly trying to night wean her. I tell her "no more" and tell her to go to sleep and she flops around and cries for a couple minutes and then goes back to sleep. This isn't consistent, though.

[skiesthelimit]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I started resenting nursing too a little while back and weaned X completely about a week ago. I had other issues like spotting/cramping, which led me to not enjoy nursing as much as I used too.

I can't beleive how long you've survived with such little sleep. I want to send you the biggest hug. You need to do what you need to do and sleep is essential! I wasn't a fan of CIO out either, I had to hide in the basement so I wouldn't hear X. I knew DH was with him and would take care of him, so that helped, but I couldn't stand the crying. It does get easier, trust me! It's so so so difficult at first and you will probably cry a lot too, but it gets easier, I promise.

X didn't start STTN until he was 19months old and I weaned from night nursing.

Good luck and big hugs xox

[devonpow]

I'm so sorry, this sounds really, really hard. There are no easy answers for this, but the advice I can offer is this: if you decide to go ahead with sleep training (not necessarily CIO - with whatever you decide) you need to sit down with your DH and come up with a solid plan. What exact steps will you take, who will do what aspects of it, etc. That way there is no debate or discussion in the middle of the night when people are exhausted and not thinking rationally. Sleep training is also most effective when done very, very consistently. Being inconsistent can make you move 2 steps back and that just adds to everyone's frustration .

We did CIO with both kids so I am a proponent of it, but completely understand how it's not for everyone and there are a lot of other methods out there to research. If you do decide to do CIO I strongly recommend reading Ferber's book. It's a lot more than letting them cry - everything from bedtime, routines, etc is part of it. It can seem like a lot, but a good schedule and a good routine can work wonders.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Sleep issues are terrible, and everyone going through it deserves serious hugs.

[lauranicole91]

Thanks everyone for all your tips and suggestions and hugs. I think tonight I will try to make this my last night nursing in the MOTN. I still absolutely love nursing on demand, but it's time to night wean for sure.

Starting Tuesday night it will be all Wes. He is more than willing, he's been wanting to do this for a long time but I wasn't ready. Not sure I am now, but we are tired and so is Peyton.

I am going to have Wes read up on different methods and how often to check in between cries etc tonight so he'll be ready.

[hass2001]

I'm sorry you are going through this! You can still nurse but just night wean. I still nursed before bed and in the mornings for months before I stopped completely. I remember Sam always had her once MOTN nurse session until I started the bottle before bed, then nurse to sleep, routine. Now we traded boob for bottle (:/) and sleep through the night. 90% of the time. Good luck. Also, we did/do CIO once in a while when there is nothing else we can do. It is awful but it works for us.

[shevacc]

Laura, you might want to read this article: drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html. I'm so sorry you're struggling so much with this. G has gone back to nursing all night long in the last week and I'm completely exhausted. In my case, I'm pretty sure it's more molars coming in, but it's definitely crazy-making. I'm not cut out for CIO either, though we may have to implement some sort of night weaning for me to get pregnant again, I'm not sure. But if that's what we choose, I'm pretty sure I'll use this method, or something similar.

[Deleted]

Nov 25, 2013 10:08:29 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Ugh, sorry. I know how important nursing is to you. That said, I think if you are coming to resent it, and especially if you are also sleep deprived, it's time to make some kind of change for your own sanity as well as for Pey. I hope you are able to find a solution with minimal crying. I think it is typically harder for moms, especially nursing moms (based on my own experience), to hear their kids crying. I know when I was BF, it was physically painful to hear Joanna cry and not be able to comfort her. Leaving the house or putting in earplugs and shoving your head under the pillow or something while Wes takes care of her is a good idea, provided he can handle it. Good luck.

Totally agree.

Part of me wants to tell you to suck up **a version of** CIO however you can b/c the lack of sleep is a serious issue, plus at this point I think there are habits to be broken instead of nutrition to be had, if that makes sense.  But there are WAY way less-crying ways for this stuff.

We hardly ever had to do true CIO but we extended the time we'd let them cry as they got older.  At this point we would do twenty minutes straight assuming brother isn't being bothered or is also upset.  The boys are both good self-soothers now. 

I think I've read something about finding a comforting alternative to nursing, too -- a lovey etc that you have in your bed first, so it smells like you/DH.  I can attest to the fact that babies are like dogs.  If one is having trouble sleeping I will sometimes slip off my shirt and put it in his bed and he's totally conked out.  Like he thinks he's still sleeping on me.

[Deleted]

Nov 25, 2013 12:11:10 GMT -5 lauranicole91 said:

Thanks everyone for all your tips and suggestions and hugs. I think tonight I will try to make this my last night nursing in the MOTN. I still absolutely love nursing on demand, but it's time to night wean for sure.

Starting Tuesday night it will be all Wes. He is more than willing, he's been wanting to do this for a long time but I wasn't ready. Not sure I am now, but we are tired and so is Peyton.

I am going to have Wes read up on different methods and how often to check in between cries etc tonight so he'll be ready.

Whatever you decide, set a timer.  When we do real CIO (every few months, again, rare so I'm lucky) we legit set timers on our phones.

This helps us stick to the plan (assuming the crying doesn't change to OMG I AM DYING or whatever) and also gives us assurance that we only have to stick it out X amount of time.

And start small, really.  Look up the methods and feel free to combine them.  When the boys were small we used a combination of methods, so I can't ever call it one thing except Our Method lol.  You need to personalize it to your family -- don't be afraid to do so.

I highly recommend Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and the No-Cry Sleep Solution.  These are the two I sort of combined, using more No-Cry when they were smaller and growing into more HSHHC.

[jfh]

Good luck sweetie, keep us updated. We had good luck with Ferber, but it's important to read as much of the book as you can.

[rubber pants]

I ditto everyone's responses. I highly recommend Sleep Easy Solution. Will there be crying? yes. But the first day is the worst. The second day is not so bad. The third there is usually 5 minutes and by the 4th day, they should just go to sleep.

It should really take less than a week. My only strong suggestion is that you stay consistent. If you cant listen to her cry, then leave the house that first & second nights. By the 3rd night, she should cry much much less.

There is a whole section in there about night weaning and CIO for a toddler.

((hugs))