ladies, I'm mad...

[starrieskies]

And I know I need to let this go because it's not my business. So I'm getting here to avoid saying something I'll regret IRL. 

DS loves Christmas. What 4 year old doesn't? But he's been talking about Christmas since before Halloween. Stbx and I had a long drawn out discussion about the holidays, and it was decided that I would have DS for thanksgiving, and he would get Christmas eve and Christmas day. I agreed to both because Christmas eve is his brothers birthday and they are doing a special dinner for him.

When I dropped DS at stbx's house last night, DS asked him if they could get a curious George ornament for their tree (I wouldn't let him take the one I have over there. It belonged to my grandpa). Stbx replied that DS already has one at my house and later told me that he's probably not getting a tree!  Not only that but he doesn't know if he'll have any money for presents either because he's saving it all for his lawyer.

So, not only is he ruining my favorite holiday this year, he's going to ruin it for DS as well. And he's blaming it on me!! Douche!! 

I know that what he does with his money is his business and not mine. On the same note how he spends his time with DS is none of my business. But it's Christmas!! I'm not stupid. I know the only reason he wanted DS for Christmas is to hurt me. I'm a big girl. I can handle it. But the kid is 4. Don't make him suffer because you want to be a dick.

[wrathofkuus]

Looks like Christmas for you and your kid is on the 26th this year.

[starrieskies]

I know. I mean, I will make up for it on my end. I always have. It just makes me angry that he's involving DS in his pretend pissing match with me.

Truthfully, I'm a little mad at myself for trying so hard to convince myself that he was actually going to be a parent about this and put his kid first for once.

And the dig about not having any money. REALLY?? Db hasn't made a house payment in almost 4 months, hasn't paid for anything for DS since we left, and has a fridge full of beer. I don't feel sorry for him.

[Deleted]

He sucks. Stop giving him opportunities to prove he doesnt at your sons expense. I know what's done is done, but just remember this for the future when you want to give him time because its nice or maybe the seemingly right thing to do.

Hugs.

[tiramisu]

Nov 30, 2013 13:49:34 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

Truthfully, I'm a little mad at myself for trying so hard to convince myself that he was actually going to be a parent about this and put his kid first for once.

This is all you have control over right now and all you can work on. Learn from this without beating yourself up about it. And try to forgive yourself. We all make choices we wish we could take back. Now plan to make the best of it going forward and document, document, document.

[starrieskies]

Thanks ladies. You are all (as usual) 100% correct. He does suck and I give him more power than he deserves, both in my mind and in life too. I need to stop doing this to myself. It's not going to change unless I do something about it, and the only thing I can change is me. But it's so stinkin' frustrating!!

[moolarkey]

Can't Santa come early to your house, before he goes to his dad's? Santa has to start somewhere, this year he needed to start early and stopped by your house first...

You could have his santa gifts for him and when he comes back give his gifts from you and/or other family members.

[starrieskies]

Yeah that's kind of the plan. He will have a Christmas(of sorts) with his dad and that side of the family and then Christmas with me and my family later.

[Deleted]

I know it sucks, but if he was any different - your relationship MAY have had a shot at making it, but this is who he is. He's going to use your kid to manipulate you. And I have a hunch that your DS will be fine, he's just using this as threats to grab at ANYTHING that will hurt you. Try not to react (to him) to it.

[starrieskies]

No, he will never know how mad he makes me. And hopefully someday I will get to a point where it doesn't phase me. This one got to me though, I won't let him know that. But it did.

[tiramisu]

Nov 30, 2013 17:25:47 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

No, he will never know how mad he makes me. And hopefully someday I will get to a point where it doesn't phase me. This one got to me though, I won't let him know that. But it did.

Of course it did! He's messing with your kid and his holiday. Cut yourself some slack for being upset about it...of course you want to protect your son! Moving forward, remember to expect asshattery from him and plan accordingly. That's all you can do.

[cuddlyevil]

Yeesh. Sorry he is being a douche Starries.

I agree with everyone else, make it up to him later. He will be fine.

[motzie]

I'm sorry Starries. What a jackass.

[starrieskies]

Mom and I just put up our tree. When DS gets home in a couple of hours we're all going to decorate it together.

[partiallysunny]

You have every right to be pissed. I'd be fuming.

If there was one person left who didn't think your H was a douche, this would change their mind. It takes the lowest of low to tell a child he can't have Christmas because "mommy is making daddy pay for a lawyer".

[bowies]

These are empty threats. He doesn't strike me as the type who will let mommy's house be the fun one with presents and Santa and a tree. It's just another guilt trip, only this one is scented with balsam and peppermint.

And what's this about him not paying any child support yet?

[captainmel]

Everyone else has said the rational stuff already.

He is a special kind of manipulative asshole. I seriously cannot believe he hasn't been beaten to death in some sort of bar fight because he is such an asshole.

I think now is the time to start a bunch of new Christmas traditions that don't involve him. DS will love doing simple but happy Christmas things with you and you'll both be happier with out special assface.

[starrieskies]

I talked with my sister this morning and she said almost exactly what you did bowies. He will probably just threaten to not do Christmas, but won't follow through because he wants to look like the good parent. But on the of chance that he doesn't I need to just bite my tongue and let him have his epic failure on his own. DS will have Christmas no matter what. It just may come a day late.

I'm taking DS to a tree lighting ceremony this afternoon. It's his first one and only my second. I can't wait!!

[Muddled]

Dec 1! Time to file!

[starrieskies]

I'm calling lawyer tomorrow to make an appointment to go over all the paperwork and file

[flamingeaux]

If I were the bitchy type, and I can be. I might just have Santa write a letter to DS asking if it was okay, for him to do a practice run the day before he goes to his Dad's house. And have Santa drop off a few presents before, and then have Santa drop off even more presents the night after he gets back from his Dad's house as a Thank You for letting him practice.


Then DS gets TWO Christmases' with you.

[formerlyak]

What time does he get him on Christmas Eve? Even if the exchange is at lunch time, you can always tell ds that Santa needed to come early to your house since he will be with his dad on Christmas morning. Treat Christmas Eve morning as your Christmas.

If you aren't done drawing up a custody agreement, I'd recommend you be sure that one of you gets Christmas Eve and one gets Christmas Day. That way in future you don't have to worry about this. Most people I know alternate years (one person gets Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve and the other gets Thanksgiving weekend and Christmas Day one year and then then next year they swap). We based it on when more of our family gets together. Example, ex's family is almost all in the same place every year for Thanksgiving so I gave him Thanksgiving each year and I get the Saturday after which is when my family always did our big meal. For Christmas, ex's family and his girlfriend's family always does a big Christmas Eve and Christmas Day is more mellow, whereas my family doesn't really do much on Christmas Eve but always does a big cooking party and presents on Christmas day, so he gave me Christmas Day every year and he gets the Eve. We both thought this was fair and allowed for us both to get our holiday with ds each year.

Good luck.