Introverts Unite! What do you do?

[katfco]

I have this problem too. I prefer scheduling things where we do something, not just hang out, but play games or something like that. Sadly, it's probably why I don't have a lot of nearby friends right now and those I do have aren't able to hang out much.

When I had friends nearby who would ask if I wanted to hang out, my first response is one of flight, to try to make an excuse to get out of it. I have no idea how to overcome it. I can't even figure out how to meet people to form a friendship!

[katfco]

My chest is tightening up just thinking about it.

[rubber pants]

I drink... alot. That way I'm fun and talk-y.

[charlielove]

I'm an extrovert in most situations, but I don't have a strong need to be social with people outside of my family on a weekly basis or anything. This has served me well since my three closest friends all moved away within the past 2 years.

Is it something you are wanting to change, or are you comfortable with being this way?

[rubber pants]

And I didnt read the entire post. I thoguht this was in reference to Holiday stuff.

Although I would like to, I dont drink ALL of the time. Just sometimes, like on the weekends, and Thursday's... and I drink alot during the holidays.

Wow. that was jumbled.

[unclejesse]

I am like this, to a degree. I rarely answer the phone. I hate making plans. I feel like there's this fakeness when it comes to giggling and chatting over coffee…it's just not me. It's hard to make friends here in a new town too. I know there's mom's groups (I've seen them), but the thought of being the new girl, along with my own insecurities, is terrifying. I feel like I've just kind of come to accept it, and to be honest, I would much rather just be home doing my own thing or with MH. I wish I had some advice!

[charlielove]

Also, my favorite social situation are meals or shopping. I would totally have lunch with you! But you're too far away.

[dixeedeluxe]

It was easier before I had kids. But now it's just impossible. I do have one extrovert friend who plans adult nights out and I always say yes. But if she's vague about plans, I'm specific about what I'd like to do (GO TO A BAR NOT HER HOUSE). But of the 10 times she's scheduled such nights, 9 times have fallen through. So, I feel like I'm doing OK.

Beyond that, I really enjoy work happy hours because we have things to talk about. I think as an adult, that's OK...meaning to have work friends be your only friends.

[skwcm80]

Dec 4, 2013 12:41:05 GMT -5 charlielove said:

Also, my favorite social situation are meals or shopping. I would totally have lunch with you! But you're too far away.

Indiana and CA aren't thaaat far apart, just sayin'. 

[mumegs]

I have the same problem automatically wanting to say no to everything. DH will convince me to go usually since I hardly ever go out. And then I realized that I usually had fun once I went, so I pretty much force myself to say yes now and get up and go. But still I mostly only hang out w work people or DH's friends as couples, or family.

[dixeedeluxe]

Dec 4, 2013 12:48:02 GMT -5 @therealmc said:

I really do want a friend or two in which we have a glass a wine during the week and talk about nonsense. I think you need to live really close to someone for that though. It is so hard to find that and I think my introversion is a big hurdle to obtaining it.

Sometimes I think I need a roommate because this is what I want too. 

[charlielove]

Dec 4, 2013 12:44:26 GMT -5 @therealmc said:

Dec 4, 2013 12:37:25 GMT -5 charlielove said:

I'm an extrovert in most situations, but I don't have a strong need to be social with people outside of my family on a weekly basis or anything. This has served me well since my three closest friends all moved away within the past 2 years.

Is it something you are wanting to change, or are you comfortable with being this way?

I am mostly comfortable with it.  I guess I just want to find friends who don't care that I am that way.  The few I have made over the years end up by not wanting to talk to me anymore because they just don't get it and think, well I don't know what they think honestly.

I have a childhood friend who knows all about me, makes fun of me and then forces me to do things, which I always have fun doing.  She just accepts it and stays my friend.  We could go months without talking and she doesn't give me shit for it.  I love that about her and I would do anything for her.  She also lives an hour away so it is relatively easy to maintain the type of friendship that makes me comfortable.   

I guess I just need to be more upfront about my personality...maybe?  Or maybe I need to change a bit..not sure.  I would like some more friends though.

I understand what you're saying. It seems like a hard time in our lives to make friends too if you don't make them at work. I know my mom made friends with a lot of people through us going to school and being involved in sports, so maybe as that happens friends will be easier to come by, and you'll be forced to see them because of those activities/events.

I know I'm not the most approachable person, even though I'm outgoing I keep people at arms length. I'm a person that has a handful of very close friends and very few friend/acquaintances. It's just how I am. I think having awareness about it is good. I'm comfortable with the way I am for the most part, and as long as you are too that's what's important.

[jsillyfun]

i love hanging out with people, but i'm usually too shy to invite anyone. i always accept invites though. For some reason i'm always afraid people will say no and i'll feel rejected. Thanks junior high... lol

[mscatra]

I'm a no phone calls, flight response introvert too. I have a few friendsthat know me well enough that they know not 2 spring things on me, so I do occasional stuff with them. For the most part I'm happy doing my own thing and when I feel guilt for saying no even though it's just something I don't want to do, I remind myself that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert.

[jfh]

FWIW you don't come across as introverted or shy at all. In some ways I'm the same way with friendships - I hate talking on the phone, and I have no problem seeing a friend once every few months and still considering it a close friendship. I'm also not a shopper, and I like getting meals with people. I don't think you necessarily need to change any of those things - it sounds like you just need to meet more people and get a few more friendships off the ground. Do you know people in your neighborhood or at work that you click with?

ETA: I used to have a bigger problem with the automatic flight response, and for me I just had to fight hard against it. Like, I went through a phase where I forced myself to say yes to every invitation unless I physically couldn't be there. That was really helpful.

[silverjm]

Add me to the list of introverts. I have work friends, but we don't really hangout outside of work. We all have kids and live in opposite directions. I have no other friends. I would love to make a mom friend in my neighborhood or something, but have no idea how to make that happen.

[rjamz]

Dec 4, 2013 12:48:02 GMT -5 @therealmc said:

I really do want a friend or two in which we have a glass of wine during the week and talk about nonsense. I think you need to live really close to someone for that though. It is so hard to find that and I think my introversion is a big hurdle to obtaining it.

I wish you lived in Manhattan

My BFF moved to Brooklyn and my other one moved home to LA. They were the 2 I used to just chill and drink wine with as shoot the shit. I haven't replaced them and I get horribly lonely sometimes.

I have no advice, just commiseration

[laurack]

I hate talking on the phone so much. When it rings and I see it is anybody but H I freak out a bit.

I hate shopping, and shopping with someone else seems so much worse than shopping alone even. It doesn't make any sense? I feel like... am I looking at these things too long... I really want to just leave but should I try things on to appear normal? hahaha

The things I like to do also involve eating and drinking. If there is no eating /drinking involved I'm not really interested. I don't think this is strange though?

I don't have a lot of friends. When I know someone I am fine with talking and talk a lot often (especially when there is drinking). But I just feel like I don't like having THINGS TO DO. Even though I want to in theory have more social life, in reality I get stressed out if there is more than one "thing" in a week that has to be done socially. But once I'm doing the things it's fine and fun. But the idea of them makes me anxious. I can't explain it, I am weird!

Like you!

lol.

lets be friends.

[orriskitten]

Dec 4, 2013 12:48:02 GMT -5 @therealmc said:

I really do want a friend or two in which we have a glass of wine during the week and talk about nonsense. I think you need to live really close to someone for that though. It is so hard to find that and I think my introversion is a big hurdle to obtaining it.

I want this too. I just feel like it never happens.

I'm not fully introverted, just self conscious and sensitive to being jilted. I feel like I've pulled back a lot because I don't feel like I matter to anyone but Orri and Mel. Then add that he gets home at 715 each night and I'm exhausted... I don't know. Not having people nearby makes that difficult. Or maybe I'm making excuses. I'm not sure. But it sucks.

[lolaburns]

Hmmm. I think for me it's more of a time issue. I have a friend I are once or twice a week to chat and get the kids together. I think with kids, work and trying to take care of your family responsibilities it is hard to find time to chat on the phone. I text my friends a lot. I hate it. I think phone calls are better, but I just don't have time right now or by the time I do sit down I am so tired.

I think it is also hard to cultivate friendships in the NYC area because when you meet someone chances are they are 20-30 minutes minimum away from you... You usually can't just walk to a friend's house around here and it could involve trains, automobiles or even a boat.

[rjamz]

Dec 4, 2013 14:59:43 GMT -5 @therealmc said:

Dec 4, 2013 14:34:46 GMT -5 rjamz said:

I wish you lived in Manhattan

My BFF moved to Brooklyn and my other one moved home to LA. They were the 2 I used to just chill and drink wine with as shoot the shit. I haven't replaced them and I get horribly lonely sometimes.

I have no advice, just commiseration

I seriously want to just move into your building.  Why can't we be in the same borough?  As introverted as I am, I really look forward to hanging out with you. Maybe I am just not meeting the right people? Would you clone yourself please? 

I'll have H work on it in the lab

I love hanging out with you too!

[unclejesse]

Do you guys see a correlation between being an introvert/spouse or you working wonky hours and being a probie? I can talk to you guys way better than people in person.

That being said, I did meet a mom at the park today. It was kind of weird, because I was thinking about this discussion in the back of my head, but she was nice.

[charlielove]

Dec 4, 2013 16:22:54 GMT -5 unclejesse said:

Do you guys see a correlation between being an introvert/spouse or you working wonky hours and being a probie? I can talk to you guys way better than people in person.

That being said, I did meet a mom at the park today. It was kind of weird, because I was thinking about this discussion in the back of my head, but she was nice.

There may be a correlation! Except I'm an extrovert that talks for a living and DH and I both work normal hours. Maybe I'm an outlier.

[katfco]

Dec 4, 2013 16:22:54 GMT -5 unclejesse said:

Do you guys see a correlation between being an introvert/spouse or you working wonky hours and being a probie? I can talk to you guys way better than people in person.

That being said, I did meet a mom at the park today. It was kind of weird, because I was thinking about this discussion in the back of my head, but she was nice.

I absolutely see a correlation between being an introvert and being on here. I take forever to feel comfortable with people and I can never think of what to say, then there's that awkward pause, and issues of "what are we going to do next time," whereas here, there's so little pressure. We can comment, not comment, take ten minutes to craft a response without people looking at us, and "next time" is whenever we feel like it.

Of course, it also helps I'm home all day. If/when (please, God let it be "when") I get a job, I'm going to have to go through some probie detox program to stop posting this much.  

[unclejesse]

This place is most definitely my outlet. I work alone in the mornings (meaning, there's literally one other person in the building while I'm there and he is in another part), and then I watch A all day, and go to bed before MH gets home.

I 100% agree with everything you said katfco

[thedahliharpa]

Dec 4, 2013 12:48:02 GMT -5 @therealmc said:

I really do want a friend or two in which we have a glass of wine during the week and talk about nonsense. I think you need to live really close to someone for that though. It is so hard to find that and I think my introversion is a big hurdle to obtaining it.

When you move here change the wine to beer and we're golden :-)

[AndyCohen]

Dec 4, 2013 13:44:13 GMT -5 jsillyfun said:

i love hanging out with people, but i'm usually too shy to invite anyone. i always accept invites though. For some reason i'm always afraid people will say no and i'll feel rejected. Thanks junior high... lol

This with me too.

@therealmc it's hard if you turn down invites though because people feel rejected and don't want to ask anymore. I would definitely try to be upfront about it.