How involved are you?

[audette]

It varies.

I do participate in the family readiness group for DH's unit. At times that has been very involved, at other times, less so.

I go to functions of his where it is appropriate for me to accompany him if I am available and not on the road for work. Some units have more of these, some have less.

I have made some good friends who's husbands are also in the military. Some via DH's unit, some via other groups (like my knitting groups) that just happen to have military spouses. It's kinda nifty, in some ways, to have a bunch of military friends - when you are new to an area, there's a chance you already know someone there, or a friend who was previously there and can give you the inside scoop on where to look for rentals and such. Or, you can be the person at a base when friends arrive, and it's a nice connection to have.


I don't eat, live, sleep, breathe military stuff, but I do have a connection to it due to my husband. I think I have found a reasonable balance. But, everyone's balance point might be different.

[maebyfunke]

Not very. I attend First Fridays and the occasional spouse social. Most people seem to have their groups established already, so it feels harder for me, as an introvert, to break in. Everyone is perfectly nice; I just haven't found those people that I really click with.

We live on base, so I'm good friends with my neighbor, but the kid and I will be moving back to CO when H deploys soon. I'll be much more comfortable with my support system there.

[sushi]

Almost nothing. It depends on where I live, though. When overseas I do more because I have to get my entire social group from the military world. When stateside I have other options.

[audette]

Dec 6, 2013 22:50:09 GMT -5 al dente said:

Dec 6, 2013 22:26:38 GMT -5 audette said:

I go to functions of his where it is appropriate for me to accompany him if I am available and not on the road for work. Some units have more of these, some have less.

How do you know what you should accompany him to? I feel like whenever I hear about events from him its last minute. For example this week he told me on Monday that his holiday party is on Thursday, and should he get tickets for it. 

I kind of feel bad not being more involved. We also ended up getting stationed about 30 min from where we both grew up. I feel like when we move to an area I'm not familiar with me not being really involved is going to bite me in the ass lol. 

eh, most things on base seem to be pretty last minute. So i don't feel guilty if i miss them because i already have plans...

DH usually lets me know. Most of the things where I _can_ go, it would be ok for me to go. There are some things where my attendance doesn't matter, but if he wants me there, for whatever reason, he tells me.

[kpol]

I'm probably more involved now that we're overseas but MH's current job also makes me a little more involved. This unit is unique though and there aren't really any family functions since Command Sponsorship is pretty new to the BN. I've stopped going to the loosely put together spouses group get together's because all they do is talk about their home based businesses/pyramid schemes. I go to formal and informal social events (balls, CoC's, military mess, etc), but we also purposely moved "far" away from post to distance ourselves from it too.

[G22]

You all make me feel better about this. I am rarely involved. I go to squadron parties/cookouts a few times a year with H. I venture out a few times to spouse functions. But I really am disconnected from a lot of the base life stuff. We also live off base, so that has a lot to do with it.

[meltoine]

I go to the spouses' group events and I volunteered to help with the children's Christmas party.

I'm really introverted and bad at making friends. Asking someone to hang out (if I've never hung out with them before) is really awkward to me, so I go to group things instead. Makes it easier for me to meet people and make friends.

[ilovecandy]

Right now very involved. I do a lot with the family group and em even the treasurer. After this year I will probably back off a lot. We had a huge turnover this year and the new people i just don't click with. Plus i am finding that I am getting too busy with everything and am getting overwhelmed. He tries to make srue to tell a=me about things when he knows about them so i can go, but it doesn't always happen. and I don't feel bad anymore about saying no or not being able to go (mostly because of work).

[blondemoment123]

I just signed up for the FRG. H is a reservist so there isn't much to be involved with.

When H was AD, we were just dating but I tried to be involved since the spouses included me in their little group.

[brandienee]

I don't have much involvement. I go to one or two functions a year, the bigger ones. We just had his Holiday Party which was a lot of fun and we made some new friends, which is always a plus. But I just don't have time to drive all the way up to base to meet people. I work and go to school full time, so it is difficult to find the motivation to drive 45 minutes when I am tired and burnt out when I can stay at home with a book and a glass of wine.

Going to these things, like Spouse Clubs and such used to give me terrible anxiety attacks, I am a homebody through and through. Now they don't so much, but I am still so busy and really, I like it that way.

[meltoine]

MH never knows anything about spouses groups and I've never gotten involved with one via any info he's given. At our last base I ran into his commander's wife and she introduced herself and took down my email. At this base I found the FB page for the spouses' group and joined it.

[ilovecandy]

Dec 8, 2013 14:59:02 GMT -5 al dente said:

Ok this is a really dumb question... But if you are involved how do you find out about these things? I've asked my H about like spouse groups or anything I should be involved with and he never seems to really know. And I'll be honest I haven't ever cared enough about it to try and investigate for myself.

He works off base with a lot of civilians. Do you think that has to do with it? He has friends who are also navy but they are all single guys.

H found out when he checked in.  Ours really started from the ground up when we got here because there was big move from one base to the current base and there really was none.  We came right during the big move.  But any spouse page usually has someone on it who will tell you if your section/unit has one and who to get into contact with.  

[nsl]

At the moment I'm not involved at all. I was very involved (attending parties, planning events) years ago, then some very shady stuff went down and I disengaged completely. I did still know quite a few of H's coworkers and a few spouses at his last duty station, but he PCS'd (down the street) last summer and I haven't had the time or inclination to get involved to any degree yet. I suppose I should make more of an effort since his unit is deploying in the next year-ish, but between work, finising my Master's, and the kids I don't have time. Plus, we've lived here so long at this point that I have a great support system completely independent of H's cuurrent unit.

[sushi]

It's been different at every location how I find out about stuff. At this location finding out my email address was part of H's inprocessing. They send a bajillion emails, and they also send evites.

Previous locations were less formal/organized. It was run by the squadron CC's spouse whereas here it's run by someone who gets paid fulltime. So, a spouse who may either have no interest in groups or has a job being in charge makes for a lot of variety. So, in those situations, usually the CC asked H for my phone # and then passed it along.

[Dumbledork]

I'm not, and never have been. In six years I've attended Basic graduation, a few initial meetings (housing, etc) when we first moved here, one (not at all formal) ball, one marriage retreat, and a handful of house parties. I've picked him up from mando fun days, but I don't think I've ever actually attended one myself.

I see friends that attend their SO's pinning ceremony (that's what it's called, right?) and it seems so weird to me. We actually talked about this the other day. His buddy's wife was getting her E5 pinned on. Her husband and their kid attended and she got a little pissy that my DH wasn't there as well. He doesn't expect me to attend that kind of stuff and I have no desire to go. It's his job, not mine. I think I'm as involved in it as I would be if he was a cop or a teacher. We talk about how his day was and such, and that's about the extent of it. I get that other people really enjoy that type of stuff though.

The only time I'm really embarrassed that I'm not more involved in the whole thing is when I'm talking to someone that actually knows the military lingo and expects me to know it now that we've been doing this for 6 years. I still have no idea. Like none. I don't even know what's bigger, battalion or company.

[pesci]

I have no involvement, but I'm not near a base (my husband is on an unaccompanied tour).  Before I moved I went to a few functions, but the squadron didn't have gatherings regularly.  I plan on working when we move to our next base in a  a couple months, so will likely not be too involved there either.

[sushi]

Wait, it's weird to go to a pinning on ceremony?

For H's last they made sure to schedule it around my work schedule. I've also gone to see friends or H's coworkers. I'm sure that's something that culturally varies by branch and location. Even the admiral came to H's last ceremony.

[nsl]

Dec 11, 2013 22:45:40 GMT -5 @ojo said:

Dec 11, 2013 20:15:07 GMT -5 sushi said:

Wait, it's weird to go to a pinning on ceremony?

For H's last they made sure to schedule it around my work schedule. I've also gone to see friends or H's coworkers. I'm sure that's something that culturally varies by branch and location. Even the admiral came to H's last ceremony.

That's not weird in my world.  Spouses, children, and frequently the service member's parents attended the ones I was in/at.  

Yeah, I'd think it was weird if spouses weren't invited to pinning on ceremonies.  H has pinned on new ranks at all of our duty stations and I was effectively required to attend each one.  Not that I minded because it's a big accomplishment and I've been proud of him, but the culture at each duty station was such that people would have assumed we were getting divorced if I didn't show up and participate.

[Dumbledork]

Dec 11, 2013 20:15:07 GMT -5 sushi said:

Wait, it's weird to go to a pinning on ceremony?

For H's last they made sure to schedule it around my work schedule. I've also gone to see friends or H's coworkers. I'm sure that's something that culturally varies by branch and location. Even the admiral came to H's last ceremony.

Weird to me, most likely not weird in general. DH and I talked about it again tonight and both agreed, it'd be weird if I asked to attend or he suddenly invited me. 

Maybe if he was an Officer or something it'd mean more? 

ETA: I'll add for clarity's sake that I'm very proud of him, I know he works hard, we have an awesome marriage, and there are no plans or desires to divorce. 

[Dumbledork]

Dec 11, 2013 1:54:08 GMT -5 killercupcake said:

Dec 11, 2013 0:05:05 GMT -5 Dumbledork said:

The only time I'm really embarrassed that I'm not more involved in the whole thing is when I'm talking to someone that actually knows the military lingo and expects me to know it now that we've been doing this for 6 years. I still have no idea. Like none. I don't even know what's bigger, battalion or company.

Battalion is bigger. B, C.

I mentioned this trick to DH tonight, but seriously had to stop and think if the B stood for battalion or brigade and if the C stood for company or command. 

He made fun of me. I asked him if he could list Piaget's stages of cognitive development. He shut-up.

[kpol]

I did the pinning for MH's last promotion and so did the other spouses. One guy even had his dad, a Ret. BG, show up to do it. It was the norm for that unit, but this one...I could see it go either way.

[G22]

So, do views on spouses/family at pinning on/promotions vary by branch of the military? Just curious.

I see @ojo said its normal for her, and I know her/her H are AF. My H is AF also and spouses are encouraged to come to pinning on. I wasn't at my H's last one because I was working, but I'm planning to be at his one next year.

[iluvmytxrgr]

Dec 12, 2013 9:25:47 GMT -5 G22 said:

So, do views on spouses/family at pinning on/promotions vary by branch of the military? Just curious.

I see @ojo said its normal for her, and I know her/her H are AF. My H is AF also and spouses are encouraged to come to pinning on. I wasn't at my H's last one because I was working, but I'm planning to be at his one next year.

It can vary based on branch or unit.  I was Army Reserve.  We had a little ceremony for everyone who ranked up, no matter the rank.  For H, his unit is odd.  Until you hit E-7, they just hand you your promotion papers and say congrats.  There is no pinning.  

As far as involvement, I'm very involved right now.  I'm a Key Caller for our FRG and help with a lot of planning for events and such.  This unit is like a huge family and there are constantly events.  
We will be PCSing this summer.  H is going to a completely different type of unit, so I'm not sure how involved I'll be there.  

[audette]

DH getting pinned is something I take time off of work to attend. There often are not a whole lot of other spouses there, but I want to be there for him, and it's only a couple hours off of work for me.

(my job is OK with me shifting my hours around a bit for things like this, so long as I'm not missing meetings and still hitting my deadlines)

[sushi]

H is AF, but he's in a joint position right now so people from all branches were there, so I imagine they feel similarly about it. About half of them came up to me to congratulate me and ask if I'd already spent his paycheck. Sigh. At least it was quick. And there were drinks. Even if it was at noon at work

The last time he pinned on the date actually occurred while we were PCSing so he was able to just quietly wear the new rank when he showed up, no ceremony which I know he prefers.

[beachy]

I was at H's pinning for the last 2 ranks and lots of family members were there. The last one was a huge deal and a big ceremony and everything, and basically you would be an ass if you were a spouse who didn't go to that one. He is AD Navy.

I volunteer for H's command and have for almost 3 years. Before that I would go to meetings when he was deployed. I don't plan on being involved in future commands though unless it is a smaller command.

[sushi]

Dec 17, 2013 8:45:51 GMT -5 beachy said:

The last one was a huge deal and a big ceremony and everything, and basically you would be an ass if you were a spouse who didn't go to that one.

:^) Some spouses work.

[beachy]

Dec 17, 2013 20:08:51 GMT -5 sushi said:

Dec 17, 2013 8:45:51 GMT -5 beachy said:

The last one was a huge deal and a big ceremony and everything, and basically you would be an ass if you were a spouse who didn't go to that one.

:^) Some spouses work.

I work too, and took off for that day. I'm not saying you would be an ass if you don't go to all of them, but when it's a huge advancement for them and a big ceremony, then everyone notices that one. This past one had parents and family members flying in just for it.

[audette]

Dec 17, 2013 20:08:51 GMT -5 sushi said:

Dec 17, 2013 8:45:51 GMT -5 beachy said:

The last one was a huge deal and a big ceremony and everything, and basically you would be an ass if you were a spouse who didn't go to that one.

:^) Some spouses work.

Some events are worth taking a day off from work...  Not many, certainly, and most of the units DH has been in have been understanding of the fact that I'm not always available (and, in fact, shifted the date of one thing this year specifically so that I would be in-country for it).  It helps for me that my employer is flexible, but I'd take a half day off to see my husband get his new rank pinned on.  It's not like it happens all that often.

[sushi]

I'm going to guess that's a difference in culture. I've been to promotion ceremonies for O6s that didn't have family members and were just quiet cake and veggie trays (but at least with wine/beer) occasions. "Where's your wife?" "Oh, she had to work" would be perfectly acceptable.

Maybe I've experienced differences b/c I've mostly been overseas. If my family wanted to fly in for H's 10 minute recitation I'd tell them to save their money. Or maybe the AF is just more casual about things. I happened to go to a few ceremonies because I was in the building at the time, visiting, and they were rounding people up. The time wasn't announced until about an hour prior.