I'm trying to decide

[isabel]

when we should start TTC. I know there's never a perfect time and all of that, but here's my dilemma: DH's best friend is getting married in Grand Cayman in June. I would really love to be able to go scuba diving and, you know, drink, while on the beach. We keep going back and forth between starting TTC in February or waiting until June. We are really excited about having a baby, so waiting another 6 months to even start TTC (and who knows how long it will take) seems like a long way off. On the other hand, it's not really that long in the grand scheme of things and I think I would enjoy this rather expensive destination wedding more if I wasn't pregnant. Of course, if we started TTC in February and I got pregnant before June, I know I would be just thrilled anyway, so maybe it doesn't matter so much.

Advice? How did you decide when the right time was? Did you put off TTC because of various life events?

[goaskalice]

We're starting in April bc we're going on a cruise in March and drinking and excursions are hard when you're pregnant. Trying to time it is a little weird. There are so many December/January birthdays in our family that I don't really want to have a baby then. But who knows how long it will take to get pregnant in the first place so I don't want to wait too long? Ugh. Stressful!

[awick14]

We started TTC when we felt it was right to. We originally put it off here and there for events that were all about other people. (Weddings and things like that.)

Now that we are over a year into this we regret waiting so long.

I know this is a very personal thing but if we could do it over we would have started earlier in our marriage.

[isabel]

Dec 9, 2013 2:09:53 GMT -5 awick14 said:

We started TTC when we felt it was right to. We originally put it off here and there for events that were all about other people. (Weddings and things like that.)

Now that we are over a year into this we regret waiting so long.

I know this is a very personal thing but if we could do it over we would have started earlier in our marriage.

See, this is where I am. On the one hand, I don't want to miss out on a great trip and not be able to do anything. I'm not really a beach person as it is, so if I can't dive or drink it's going to be kind of dull. On the other hand, what if it takes us a long time to get pregnant? Then I'm going to be sad that we waited 5 more months to even start the process. Of course, if we get pregnant right away and have no issues then it won't really matter that we waited.

[sonrisa]

We took a short hiatus from TTC our first because I wanted to be sure I could attend my brother's wedding. So we skipped the months when I would have been 36 weeks pregnant to a newborn less than 2 months of age. But he's my only brother and being there was very, very important. Being able to drink wasn't.

With the second, the only times we put things off was when medical issues interfered (DH had out patient surgery).

Weigh all the factors - age, where you are in life, life events, etc. But at the end of the day, babies don't come on schedules. Don't put it off unless you are okay with that delay plus another year or so.

[awick14]

Dec 9, 2013 2:19:32 GMT -5 isabel said:

Dec 9, 2013 2:09:53 GMT -5 awick14 said:

We started TTC when we felt it was right to. We originally put it off here and there for events that were all about other people. (Weddings and things like that.)

Now that we are over a year into this we regret waiting so long.

I know this is a very personal thing but if we could do it over we would have started earlier in our marriage.

See, this is where I am. On the one hand, I don't want to miss out on a great trip and not be able to do anything. I'm not really a beach person as it is, so if I can't dive or drink it's going to be kind of dull. On the other hand, what if it takes us a long time to get pregnant? Then I'm going to be sad that we waited 5 more months to even start the process. Of course, if we get pregnant right away and have no issues then it won't really matter that we waited.

The hard thing is not knowing if you will be one of the lucky ones who gets pregnant right away. (Not that luck had anything to do with it)

It's a hard choice to make, but if you put it off now for this event you may find yourself putting it off for other things as well. (That's what we did, and we put it off for over a year.)

We are now looking back at just over 2 years after initially putting it off with no baby, and it breaks my heart.

[Jalapeñomel]

How old are you? Your DH?

[hokiegirl82]

I put off TTC for over a year because I decided to have 2 bunion surgeries first to correct my horrible bunions on both feet. I didn't want to start TTC before having the surgeries because the surgeries involved being put under full anesthesia each time and it would be difficult if I was huge and on crutches for a month each time. We started TTC in February this year, and by September I still wasn't pregnant, and we went ahead planned a week long vacation to London and Spain in November, and in Spain we planned to go to a motorcycle race which included 3 days of unlimited alcohol with the tickets we bought. 2 weeks after buying our plane tickets I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited to be pregnant, but a tiny bit disappointed that I wouldn't get to take part in the unlimited alcohol. We went on our vacation, and I still had a great time even though there was no alcohol for me.

My point is, I personally wouldn't put off TTC for 6 more months to be able to scuba dive and drink at a wedding since you will probably still enjoy all of the other activities, and that's simply because you never know how long it could take to get pregnant - could be right away, could be a year. But, my view on this would also be different if I was in my 20s - I turn 31 today and even though I know that is not old for having a first kid, I still wish I'd started TTC a few years ago.

[5hole]

I don't think pondering stuff like this means you're not ready to TTC... I used to think about stuff like this before having kids and waiting longer wouldn't have changed that. I think the responsibility of being caring for another human being matures you in a way that time just doesn't.

I can't say what you should in your situation, but I can tell you your thoughts are perfectly normal.

[Deleted]

I wouldn't put it off for a vacation. I was 7 wks pregnant and sort of ruined my own trip to Ireland, but ds is awesome, so I don't mind.

[Deleted]

Dec 9, 2013 8:39:24 GMT -5 Que? said:

This is probably one of the most important decisions you will make in your life. It's not really a decision you make based on how it optimizes your vacation. Maybe you're just not ready.

See, I disagree, particularly if they don't travel often. For some people, a trip might be a "once in a lifetime" type thing. Waiting 6 months so you can have a "stress-free" holiday doesn't mean you aren't ready for a kid.

That being said, there will ALWAYS be something you could "wait" for so I would say don't wait forever!

[papie]

If you are wondering, it is probably better to wait. My SIL was like you and after postponing for 2-3 vacations, she and my brother announced that they won't be having kids.
Not saying it means you don't want kids, but if you are worried about missing out on fun, get that out of your system first.

[teeah22]

I guess I'm in the minority here, but there's no way I would want to be on a nice beach vacation in my first trimester. I don't think wanting to wait 6 months to TTC means you're not ready for children; honestly I think most people never feel truly ready. And you very well may be one of those women that gets pregnant immediately.

[shopgirl07]

You're pretty young right?

I'd wait until June. That way you get to really enjoy the wedding and you get a better chance of having a Spring vs Winter baby.

[aprilsails]

DH and I have been similarly delaying for the past year. I have a big drinking vacation with my girlfriends in March (St Patrick's Day in Boston) and after that we are TTC. I wanted to start this past summer but we've delayed to get our kitchen reno finished.

[amberlyrose]

Are you a traveler? If not, I'd wait to TTC. Enjoy your last big stress free vacation!


Also, I'd start to TTC while there If you get pregnant the first time around, it'll be a fun inside story for you and your DH. My friend conceived while she was in Ireland and she loves calling her son her little irish present.

[isabel]

Jalapeñomel, we're 25 and 26.

We definitely want kids and I don't feel like I am being immature for considering this as a factor. We have three wedding to attend next year. I don't mind being pregnant for them, but the fact that this one is going to be a rather expensive trip is making me pause. I am excited about the idea of going diving, as I haven't been in about 4 years. The drinking thing is less of a factor, but still something to consider on a vacation that is going to cost us roughly $4k.

We are trying to make sure our timing works out well for these other two weddings as we have to travel for both of them as well. These are all of our very best friends getting married and I cannot imagine missing any of these. If I am pregnant, I want to make sure I am early enough to still be able to comfortably travel.

amberlyrose, DH's friend actually suggested that when they were chatting about it. That would be pretty cool.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm leaning toward waiting.

[isabel]

Dec 9, 2013 12:10:47 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I would just go ahead and ttc now.  But when I get it in my head that I want to be pregnant, I want to be pregnant RIGHT THEN. That said, I've been pregnant at 3 weddings (all w/ alcohol and most weddings I've attended in my life have been dry), and it kind of sucked.

I really and truly am not a big drinker. I don't even have one drink every week. But I'm just having a hard time figuring out what the heck I'm going to do on the beach for 5 days if I can't go diving and can't drink. My friend was like "uhhh, take a walk?" lol. If I am pregnant for it, I will be so thrilled to be pregnant, so maybe I won't even care, but it's going to be a long time before I get to go diving again if I miss it on this trip. Waiting 6 months doesn't seem like a big deal right now, but if we have trouble getting pregnant, I may be kicking myself down the road.

[isabel]

Dec 9, 2013 12:14:25 GMT -5 oceanspray said:

I insisted we wait until we bought a house to TTC. We moved in, started TTCing at the end of the month, and had a BPF two weeks later.

But I agreed to start trying right away because I wanted to wait until we were in a house. I don't think anyone can advise you what the "right" thing to do is.

This is also something we are waiting on, but we are currently looking, so I am hoping to have closed on something by March at the latest.

[sunshineluv]

I don't know what I would do in your shoes. But you are young, you have time on your side.

I will say that we went to St. Martin on a "babymoon" with two other couples, I was about 6 months pregnant at the time. DH is always saying how awesome that trip was and how he wants to go back, but to me, it was eh. I was uncomfortable (esp on the flights), I still had some nausea, and of course couldn't drink. I wish I could do a redo, and have gone on that trip not pregnant so I could have enjoyed it more.

[nadasteph]

My best friend got married in the Dominican republic, and I ended up being 12 weeks pregnant at the wedding. I was very convinced that it would take a long time to get pregnant so we should start as soon as we thought we were ready. We got pregnant right away. I was asked so many times if it was an accident because people just couldn't believe I would purposely get pregnant and not drink at their wedding. Obviously being pregnant at an all inclusive wasn't my first choice but I still had a great time. Now, 2 1/2 years later, not being able to get drunk or go diving with a few people, or going to bed first most nights couldn't matter any less.

[isabel]

Dec 9, 2013 12:31:50 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

I don't know what I would do in your shoes. But you are young, you have time on your side.

I will say that we went to St. Martin on a "babymoon" with two other couples, I was about 6 months pregnant at the time. DH is always saying how awesome that trip was and how he wants to go back, but to me, it was eh. I was uncomfortable (esp on the flights), I still had some nausea, and of course couldn't drink. I wish I could do a redo, and have gone on that trip not pregnant so I could have enjoyed it more.

I can't tell you why, as I've never even been pregnant, but I just am really worried about this. I have had a feeling for a couple of years now that I am going to be really sick during pregnancy. I could be totally wrong, but that's also a bit of a factor as well. I don't want to be sick the whole time either.

[nadasteph]

Dec 9, 2013 12:40:51 GMT -5 isabel said:

Dec 9, 2013 12:31:50 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

I don't know what I would do in your shoes. But you are young, you have time on your side.

I will say that we went to St. Martin on a "babymoon" with two other couples, I was about 6 months pregnant at the time. DH is always saying how awesome that trip was and how he wants to go back, but to me, it was eh. I was uncomfortable (esp on the flights), I still had some nausea, and of course couldn't drink. I wish I could do a redo, and have gone on that trip not pregnant so I could have enjoyed it more.

I can't tell you why, as I've never even been pregnant, but I just am really worried about this. I have had a feeling for a couple of years now that I am going to be really sick during pregnancy. I could be totally wrong, but that's also a bit of a factor as well. I don't want to be sick the whole time either.

I had really bad morning sickness leading up to going away.  The flight was ok, the bus ride to the hotel was horrible, but the trip actually ended my morning sickness for the rest of my pregnancy.  It was great. 

[isabel]

Dec 9, 2013 12:39:08 GMT -5 nadasteph said:

My best friend got married in the Dominican republic, and I ended up being 12 weeks pregnant at the wedding. I was very convinced that it would take a long time to get pregnant so we should start as soon as we thought we were ready. We got pregnant right away. I was asked so many times if it was an accident because people just couldn't believe I would purposely get pregnant and not drink at their wedding. Obviously being pregnant at an all inclusive wasn't my first choice but I still had a great time. Now, 2 1/2 years later, not being able to get drunk or go diving with a few people, or going to bed first most nights couldn't matter any less.

This is the exact counter argument going through my head. I'm fairly certain that I won't care at about not being able to do that stuff if I am pregnant. I just wish I could know if I'll get lucky and have an easy time getting pregnant (and with a sticky baby; the boards have made me pretty freaked out about miscarriages). That would seriously impact my choice if I was able to know one way or the other.

[nadasteph]

Dec 9, 2013 12:47:04 GMT -5 isabel said:

Dec 9, 2013 12:39:08 GMT -5 nadasteph said:

My best friend got married in the Dominican republic, and I ended up being 12 weeks pregnant at the wedding. I was very convinced that it would take a long time to get pregnant so we should start as soon as we thought we were ready. We got pregnant right away. I was asked so many times if it was an accident because people just couldn't believe I would purposely get pregnant and not drink at their wedding. Obviously being pregnant at an all inclusive wasn't my first choice but I still had a great time. Now, 2 1/2 years later, not being able to get drunk or go diving with a few people, or going to bed first most nights couldn't matter any less.

This is the exact counter argument going through my head. I'm fairly certain that I won't care at about not being able to do that stuff if I am pregnant. I just wish I could know if I'll get lucky and have an easy time getting pregnant (and with a sticky baby; the boards have made me pretty freaked out about miscarriages). That would seriously impact my choice if I was able to know one way or the other.

I felt the exact same way as you.  And to be honest, we did wait to go on a different vacation a few month before to TTC.  My parents paid for our entire family to go on a cruise and I didn't want to be pregnant for that, so we waited.  Then when we heard about the destination wedding I realized that if we waited for every event that I wanted to attend and not be pregnant that we would be waiting forever.  There will always be some things during that 9 months that are not ideal to be pregnant at or that you will miss out on.  It sucks, but if you want kids, it happens.

[hopecounts]

If you're ready why not go ahead and try for the next couple months, if it happens great if not you can always go back to preventing for the couple months before the wedding and then start again while on the trip.
If at that point

[firedancer49]

Dec 9, 2013 2:09:53 GMT -5 awick14 said:

We started TTC when we felt it was right to. We originally put it off here and there for events that were all about other people. (Weddings and things like that.)

Now that we are over a year into this we regret waiting so long.

I know this is a very personal thing but if we could do it over we would have started earlier in our marriage.

This for us, 100%

I said I wanted another vacation before trying, then I said I wanted to not be pregnant for a friends wedding, etc.  Well, we decided to start trying before the wedding and 1 year and a few weeks later I am still not pregnant and so mad that I decided to wait.

[thebreakfastclub]

I don't think there is anything wrong with postponing TTC due to a special trip that is 6 months away. Now if you wanted to wait 2 years because you might be doing something or other at some point, you probably wouldn't be ready.

That being said, maybe think about using this time to learn about charting/temping or at least how to pinpoint your fertile window. It can only help you in the long run. I found the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility to be very helpful.

I did not get married until I was 33. It took us over a year to get pregnant, and I was turning 35 by the time I finally did (with the help of some testing), so I never had the luxury of waiting. Statistically speaking though, you most likely do have time on your side.

[marie3246]

We had 9 weddings this past year 5 of which were out of town for us and 2 that were out of the country. They were all either immediate family or we were in the weddings so we knew we were going no matter what. We talked about putting off TTC until after the out of country wedding and we did time it so that if I did get pregnant right away (I did) that I would be in my second tri, but I'm glad we didn't wait to start trying til after all the weddings/trips. Sure they would have been more fun if I could have had some drinks, but it was still really fun and I honestly didn't mind not being able to drink.

For us there were always going to be events that I would want to be able to drink for so we decided to just go for it and I am very glad that we didn't wait any longer. One thing to consider is first tri though. I was super sick from weeks 6-12 and luckily only one event happened then and I was feeling better during that time.