Christmas vent

[sugarbear]

Gift-giving in my family is so easy. Those of us who have kids exchange only between the kids. We give my parents and my brother / SIL homemade sausage and cinnamon rolls, and eggs from our chickens. We'll also give my parents a framed family picture and some art that DS1 made. 

Some people spend more than others, but no one cares (my brother has a Patagonia pro deal and gets me something every year, which is awesome, but there is no expectation that we'll spend that kind of money on him.)

DH's family is so hard, though. I tried to do the "let's just exchange between kids" thing, which they acknowledged and agreed to, but then disregarded. They send us something every year. His parents usually send us gift cards. We send them a framed photo, and usually a book that we've enjoyed, or a CD.

For them, it's all about how much you spend. I'm trying to pick out presents for our niece and nephew, who are already spoiled. I'm spending about $25 on each of them, to which DH has agreed, but I know they will send more to our kids and will judge us for being cheap. His parents will judge us for "only" sending  a photo and a book. We won't even send them art, beyond a picture drawn or something, because they just don't care. MIL doesn't wanted painted ceramics and she won't hang anything on her walls that doesn't match the rest of the house.

I want to just not care anymore, but I'm still bothered by the fact that they'll judge. And then wonder why we don't visit more often.

[4speedy]

This exactly describes my family and DH's family. MIL expects $500 gifts for Xmas and birthday. MIL only wants jewelry this year, to replace all that was stolen a year ago. She has sent voicemails, text messages and emails no less than 10 times to remind me that she is "allergic" to everything that is not 18 karat gold.

[ECB]

I get your annoyance, but I'd try to work on not caring. They want to make it about the $$. Let them. Keep doing what you're doing. And heck- if YOU want to just do the kdis, then just do the kids. They don't follow suit? That's on them, IMO.

[sonrisa]

That sounds frustrating.

Are they telling you they judge your gifts or just spending more than you are?

I'm puzzled about the art thing. Is it that they don't hang your kid's art on their walls or are you buying other art? On art, I wouldn't get someone else art because it is such a matter of personal taste. If it is kid art, I don't expect people to hang my kid's art on their walls. Maybe one thing on the fridge, but nothing substantial. 

[sugarbear]

Dec 9, 2013 17:53:54 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

That sounds frustrating.

Are they telling you they judge your gifts or just spending more than you are?

I'm puzzled about the art thing. Is it that they don't hang your kid's art on their walls or are you buying other art? On art, I wouldn't get someone else art because it is such a matter of personal taste. If it is kid art, I don't expect people to hang my kid's art on their walls. Maybe one thing on the fridge, but nothing substantial. 

Yeah, I realized that when I posted. I certainly do not expect them to hang random things that we send. But MIL flat out said she won't use pottery that DS has painted because it doesn't match. That's rude, right (or is it me?). This year, I had him make Christmas tree ornaments, and they turned out really well. I'm not even sending her one, though, because she does a themed tree each year and has never, in DH's life, put a home-made ornament on a tree. Ever. 

And, they judge the money we spent (or lack thereof), but no, they don't openly judge. MIL will call and say something like, "Geez, (BIL) sent us a CG to (fancy restaurant) and a new Kindle Fire. How nice of them! And, thanks so much for the .... scarf."

[sugarbear]

Dec 9, 2013 17:44:35 GMT -5 ECB said:

I get your annoyance, but I'd try to work on not caring. They want to make it about the $$. Let them. Keep doing what you're doing. And heck- if YOU want to just do the kdis, then just do the kids. They don't follow suit? That's on them, IMO.

This is where we are, now, after lots of discussions. DH has always been on board, but would feel guilty at the last minute and send his brother something from Amazon. Really. We basically swap Amazon boxes. I've talked him out of it this year, for good, I think.