Wwyd? Wedding out of town or send better gift?

[gretchenindisguise]

My cousins are getting married in January. The invitation came today. It's in northern Illinois. I'm in San Diego.

I haven't seen this side of my family for four years since my grandma passed away.

They came to my wedding but it was driveable. They did not attend my brothers because it was in CA. Our relationships basically consist of FB and Christmas cards.

Should I go by myself (tickets are at $260 and I'd need a hotel and car) or should I send a better gift than what I'd give if I had to pay for travel.

We're somewhat thinking if I don't go, maybe we can all go as a family in the spring and do a Chicago trip with a few days up seeing that side of the family. Not sure if everyone would actually be in the same place at that time. And honestly our last vacation was to see family and maybe we want to not see family on a vacation now and then. Le sigh.

[cbwm1]

Send a gift and go visit in the spring!

And make it a date I'm free so we can GTG. ;-)

[Deleted]

Do people really spend more if they don't travel? Like, if the wedding was drivable and you didn't go, would you spend less on the gift you sent them than on a gift you're sending far away?

[missmaddie]

Send a gift. They might be happy to have fewer guests and plates to pay for, and weddings aren't the best opportunity for quality visits with the (family of the) wedding party IME.

[noodle]

You'll get more time to spend with the family if you go when it's not a wedding. 

Send a nice gift and make plans for a visit in the spring.

[gretchenindisguise]

Dec 10, 2013 21:40:19 GMT -5 @damnation said:

Do people really spend more if they don't travel? Like, if the wedding was drivable and you didn't go, would you spend less on the gift you sent them than on a gift you're sending far away?

It's all about money I have to spend. I can spend it on travel or I can spend it on a gift. I don't magically have more money in my bank account for travel even though I moved far away.

[missmaddie]

Dec 10, 2013 21:40:19 GMT -5 @damnation said:

Do people really spend more if they don't travel? Like, if the wedding was drivable and you didn't go, would you spend less on the gift you sent them than on a gift you're sending far away?

Nope, not I.

If anything, if we don't go we might send something from the registry versus giving a larger sum of cash if we go, or we might mail or give a gift card in a card when we see them.  There is likely a direct correlation between us going and how important they are (and how generous we are) though.     

ETA - I read your question as more on a gift if you're not going to the wedding...your question makes more sense.  

That said, we've given less when we've gone to destination/resort weddings, but I know some people don't give at all beyond going.

[kirra]

Dec 10, 2013 21:40:19 GMT -5 @damnation said:

Do people really spend more if they don't travel? Like, if the wedding was drivable and you didn't go, would you spend less on the gift you sent them than on a gift you're sending far away?

I would spend the same on a local wedding or a distant wedding that we didn't go to. 

I would spend less on a wedding where we had to pay for travel expenses. 

If we pay for travel, we can't afford as nice of a gift. It's that simple. 

[papie]

I'd send a normal gift. But I hate attending weddings by myself.

[VillainV]

I'd skip a wedding to Illinois in January, especially since you'd have to go by yourself, rent a car, etc. That's a lot of money to spend on family you don't see often…and there could be bad weather to deal with in a rental car….

Also, you have two cousins who are marrying each other? Or am I reading your post wrong? (not judging….just asking)

[stealthmom]

I would go b\c it's what I would want if I we're the bride.

[Deleted]

I probably would not pay that much (going by what you've said it looks like it would easily be $750-$1000) to go to a cousins wedding who I haven't seen in years, especially going by myself.

Also, not that this is important in making your decision, but this seems late for an invitation to a January wedding, no?

[mrsukyankee]

I'd send a gift. I didn't have many cousins at my wedding due to cost and use of holiday time. No big deal.

[bonquiqui]

What is wrong with Illinois??  jk haha  I would send a gift, and come later.  That being said, if you really miss seeing your fam, and it is important to you, I would visit.