My mother has been put in a nursing home.

[treedimensional]

This has been an emotionally draining few days.
Now I have to go to Florida and empty out her house, which means I will be away from home for days or even weeks (hoarding).
</3 Thoughts and/or prayers, please?

[emoflamingo]

I'm so sorry. Best of luck on your cleaning. (I have this in my future one day, my dad is somewhat of a hoarder. I say somewhat because we've already filled a dumpster with crap from the basement and I foresee that again eventually.)

[munkii]

Sorry you have to go through this. Thinking of you and sending lots of positive energy your way.

[alf17]

My Mom has been in a nursing home for 11 years...really sad. She was a neat freak, so her house was easy. However, my Aunt, I am her next of kin, is another story. She is a big hoarder and chain smoker and I dread the day I have to deal with her mess.Good luck.

[demandypants]

I am so sorry, and hope that the home is a good fit for your mother. My grandfather disliked the first couple of homes he was in. But loves where he is at now (and has a lady friend).

[mrs.jacinthe]

I'm really sorry.

Is there anything we can do to help?

[Deleted]

So sorry you have to deal with this. Hugs! My grandmother is a hoarder. I dread the day we have to deal with getting rid of all her crap.

[magdala]

There are some maid services that will handle cleaning up a hoarders' belongings. It tends to be expensive, but professional cleaning help can be necessary in a hoarding situation. Thinking of you.

[TBM]

Sending good thoughts and prayers for both you and your mom.

If you are anywhere near Orlando and need help,(or a break), let me know.

[ktzmoh]

I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of you and sending you emotional strength vibes.

[treedimensional]

You girls are awesome. My head is spinning right now, because I only found out because a stranger phoned me... I thought I was about to hear that my mother was dead... come to find out my mother is in a home and my SISTER (who was caring for her) is dead! So, a neighbor called me. Just kind of in shock.

[mrsemilys]

Oh my gosh, tree. I'm so sorry. Many thoughts and prayers for you and your family!

[TBM]

I am so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))

[Deleted]

OMgosh, WHAT??  This just came out of nowhere and was completely unexpected?  Hugs to you and your family, I am so sorry for your loss. 

[auntie]

Oh Tree, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister and the situation with your mom.

I am a back up guardian for my aunt who has dementia and is something of a hoarder. She has never been able to let go or downsize and since she had a mainhouse, a couple cottages, a large workshop and garage at her property, she had lots of room to store not only her lifetime of stuff, but that of her late inlaws.

My mother and another aunt and I spent several weeks going through her stuff. We did this over a series of trips- there was no rush to sell the property, so we took regular breaks. The first wave was looking for cash she had hidden and financial documents that were also squirreled away. We found cash, checks and guns hidden in all manner of places. The next visit was to secure financial documents, arrange the sale of some valuable collections and remove jewelry, silver and family heirlooms for safe keeping. Then we hired a junk dealer who cleaned out the place- we split the proceeds on some of the higher priced auctionable items and he kept the reast as payment.

I would urge you to try to recruit someone to help you. A good friend who can comiserate and support your spirits would be ideal. Sad as deconstructing my aunt's home was, revisiting her things and the memories they brought back was not entirely unpleasant when shared with someone who cares about you.

[sailorgray]

Woah, Tree. That's a lot. I will be thinking of you.

[treedimensional]

Dec 19, 2013 14:14:34 GMT -5 auntie said:

Oh Tree, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister and the situation with your mom.

I am a back up guardian for my aunt who has dementia and is something of a hoarder. She has never been able to let go or downsize and since she had a mainhouse, a couple cottages, a large workshop and garage at her property, she had lots of room to store not only her lifetime of stuff, but that of her late inlaws.

My mother and another aunt and I spent several weeks going through her stuff. We did this over a series of trips- there was no rush to sell the property, so we took regular breaks. The first wave was looking for cash she had hidden and financial documents that were also squirreled away. We found cash, checks and guns hidden in all manner of places. The next visit was to secure financial documents, arrange the sale of some valuable collections and remove jewelry, silver and family heirlooms for safe keeping. Then we hired a junk dealer who cleaned out the place- we split the proceeds on some of the higher priced auctionable items and he kept the reast as payment.

I would urge you to try to recruit someone to help you. A good friend who can comiserate and support your spirits would be ideal. Sad as deconstructing my aunt's home was, revisiting her things and the memories they brought back was not entirely unpleasant when shared with someone who cares about you.

This is helpful.
I'm home, not even dressed yet, just digesting this information; so your insight is very, very helpful to me.
The truth is, I was not close with my mother or my sister, we are estranged, which is why I knew nothing about this. We've had no contact for years; long ago, they ceased all communications with my brothers and me. It's a long, tragic story, but they were bound together in mental illness. 
A few neighbors have been extraordinarily selfless in dealing with both of them (which would be challenging for trained professionals, let alone laypeople). There can be no doubt it has been a huge burden for this woman who phoned me, after finding my name and address on an old mother's day card. Right now I am so grateful to her for what she's done (on their behalf), I'm just in tears.
Without going into great detail, this boils down to untreated bipolar/schizophrenia and depending on where you live and what kind of insurance you have, a lot of times there isn't squat you can do for the sufferers. So this is how it ends.
Mom's house will be foreclosed any day now and I have to go there and sift thru mountains of garbage to see if there's anything worth salvaging.

[Deleted]

I am so sorry.
I have no words but I'll definitely be thinking about you and ending prayers your way.
That has to be really hard.

[sjh722]

Sorry, treedimensional. I can imagine that it's really hard to do that. I hope your mom is settles well into her new home. ((hugs))

[sjh722]

I just read your update. Sending you a PM too.

[downtoearth]

So sorry. I hope it's for the best in the long run.

Is there a company that you could hire to help you go through the house? Like an estate company or something?

[emoflamingo]

OMG Tree.. I am so sorry. That is a lot to handle at once. My thoughts are with you. We're here for you if you need anything, even if it's to find some humor in ANYTHING you can. I have a cache of funny animal pictures at my disposal.

[simpsongal]

I'm so sorry, TD.

[mrs.jacinthe]

OMG. I'm so sorry. Many many many many many hugs to you.

SERIOUSLY, if there's anything we can do ... please don't hesitate to ask.

[SusanBAnthony]

Oh man, I am so sorry.  I was going to suggest getting a dumpster to the house, but if it being foreclosed, maybe don't even bother?  But you are probably going to have to move stuff out in order to sort through it effectively, so you might still need one.  

Best of luck as you deal with this.  It is hard under any circumstances, let alone these.  I am still eternally grateful to my one set of grandparents who realized they weren't rating to age, and downsized and cleaned out their house before it became completely their children's job.  

[auntie]

Oh, Tree.

What a sad and challenging situation.

I get the mental illness thing. There's a stripe of bipolar, borderline, and sociopathy that runs like an open cesspit through my dad's side of the family. My younger sister was one of those who didn't dodge the bullet as I did. She died 20 years ago at the age of 33. She nearly destroyed my parents and cause irrepairable harm to her young DDs. It's difficult.

If you won't be assuming guardianship/conservatorship of your mom and attempting to stop the foreclosure, I would go through the house and get out what ever it is you need or want and then let the bank deal with the mess.

[DirtySouth]

I'm so sorry.    Do you have any siblings to help?  I'm an only child and going through this terrifies me.

Will you be driving through Atl?  If so, please let me know and I'd love to take you out for a drink, coffee, whatever. 

[DirtySouth]

treedimensional I just read the rest of the posts with the additional details. My mom went through something similar with her parents and sister and it was SO.HARD. If you get overwhelmed and need help, I will seriously be happy to come help you over a weekend if it's driving distance or a cheap flight from Atl.  Please let me know if I can help with anything.

[treedimensional]

Dec 19, 2013 18:07:40 GMT -5 DirtySouth said:

treedimensional I just read the rest of the posts with the additional details. My mom went through something similar with her parents and sister and it was SO.HARD. If you get overwhelmed and need help, I will seriously be happy to come help you over a weekend if it's driving distance or a cheap flight from Atl.  Please let me know if I can help with anything.

Thank you, d-so.
I'm trying to round up my surviving sibs and get them there to help with this.  I think my spouse's parents will be able to get me thru it, as they've both been down this road.

[DirtySouth]

Dec 19, 2013 19:25:53 GMT -5 treedimensional said:

Dec 19, 2013 18:07:40 GMT -5 DirtySouth said:

treedimensional I just read the rest of the posts with the additional details. My mom went through something similar with her parents and sister and it was SO.HARD. If you get overwhelmed and need help, I will seriously be happy to come help you over a weekend if it's driving distance or a cheap flight from Atl.  Please let me know if I can help with anything.

Thank you, d-so.
I'm trying to round up my surviving sibs and get them there to help with this.  I think my spouse's parents will be able to get me thru it, as they've both been down this road.

That's awesome to have good in laws!