NSBR: Weekend MILisms (This one's for you Mav!)

[Deleted]

My MIL is the rudest and most disrespectful person I have ever freaking met.

Thursday I was at their house with DH and DS. I told DH that I had some Korean food and said what it was in Korean. Her response, "Di that sounds like a disease." Thanks bitch. Don't get too damn close to me or you might catch it.

Saturday-DH went and helped FIL pick his new company car. DH then had to go pick up MIL so she could drive the old car home because they had three cars. DS and I met up with them for dinner afterward. She then proceeds to go on and on about how pretty the sales girl was and how she seemed to have a thing for DH. Really?

And she wonders why I roll my eyes at her all the time. I wish I had a remote and could just hit mute so I don't have to listen to her. Sorry. Just had to vent.

[house]

What the..? She said that about the sales girl in front of you?! Wow.. I am sorry. She seems really annoying.

[joanis018]

I can't even imagine. I don't know how you deal with that.

[Deleted]

I try. It's really hard. On one hand, I don't want DS seeing all of us at each other's throats but on the other hand, I don't want him thinking her comments are acceptable. I have no clue what to do.

On top of that, I always feel like I"m blowing shit out of proportion. I feel like such an old prude. Five years ago I don't think I would have been bothered by her comment about the sales girl. But while I was pg, I found out DH had been cheating on me while we were engaged. And while it had been years since he had his flings, I just felt like had I found out about it before, I would have never gotten married to him. Add to that, both sides of our families reactions were, "Well he didn't have sex with them. So what's the big deal?" Really?!?! So it's really hard to feel any warm fuzzy feelings for her after that comment and pretty much anything that comes out of her mouth these days rubs me in the wrong way.

[littlemissladybug]

Ugh she sounds like my MIL. I'm still fuming about some comments she made a few weeks ago. Every time I think about it I get pissed all over again.

[Deleted]

DH says he's tired of being the middle man because he says his mom has chews his ears off over shit I've said and then we get home and I chew his ear off about shit she's said. So I highly doubt he's going to step in and tell her anything. Add to that, he's an only child, kind of a mama's boy and pretty much has learned that she's not going to change no matter what he or his dad say. Maybe the tot can talk some sense into her when he's more vocal and the verbal diarrhea starts.

[littlemermaid]

Jul 2, 2012 10:12:15 GMT -5 ditzydi said:

DH says he's tired of being the middle man because he says his mom has chews his ears off over shit I've said and then we get home and I chew his ear off about shit she's said. So I highly doubt he's going to step in and tell her anything. Add to that, he's an only child, kind of a mama's boy and pretty much has learned that she's not going to change no matter what he or his dad say. Maybe the tot can talk some sense into her when he's more vocal and the verbal diarrhea starts.

Here's the problem, he doesn't have to be the middle man, he just has to be a man, not a boy. The day he married you is the day he needed to cut the cord with his mommy. But since you married a mommy's boy and probably knew it while you were dating him you are stuck with a boy and not a man. A real man would of put his mother in her place and his mother would of respected him for it and he would have became a star in your eyes too. Good luck dealing with this crap for the rest of your life. And good luck trying to shelter your child from seeing his grandmother treat his mother like crap and watching his father sit aside and do nothing.

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2012 10:34:07 GMT -5 @mavjen said:

Littlemermaid, it's not as simple of a solution as you think it is. MH is no mama's boy and he tells his mom off right then and there, every single time she says or does something stupid. He calls her out and admonishes her for her bad behavior, and he doesn't care if there are other people in the room.

Guess what, his mother doesn't respect MH's wishes. I mean, to a certain point she does because she loves him dearly, but what results is that she acts like the victim and doesn't hold herself responsible for her actions at all. She blames me for her own son being angry with her and then that old bitch saves her vitriol for me the next time she sees me, but tells everyone else how horrible I am and that her son chooses me over her. MH and I know her games, so her manipulative ways have no effect on us.

So, MH is a "real man" and I still have to deal with this crap to a certain extent.

Old people don't change, especially old bitches.

Perfectly said Mav! DH and I have been together for a decade and I'm still trying to learn her games. I thought I had figured them all out and then having DS brought a whole new dimension to her craziness. Ha.

[Deleted]

Thanks Mav!

[misshark122]

Ditzy - I'm so sorry you have to deal with her! She sounds terrible!

[littlemermaid]

Jul 2, 2012 10:34:07 GMT -5 @mavjen said:

Littlemermaid, it's not as simple of a solution as you think it is. MH is no mama's boy and he tells his mom off right then and there, every single time she says or does something stupid. He calls her out and admonishes her for her bad behavior, and he doesn't care if there are other people in the room.

Guess what, his mother doesn't respect MH's wishes. I mean, to a certain point she does because she loves him dearly, but what results is that she acts like the victim and doesn't hold herself responsible for her actions at all. She blames me for her own son being angry with her and then that old bitch saves her vitriol for me the next time she sees me, but tells everyone else how horrible I am and that her son chooses me over her. MH and I know her games, so her manipulative ways have no effect on us.

So, MH is a "real man" and I still have to deal with this crap to a certain extent.

Old people don't change, especially old bitches.

Then maybe she needs some time apart from your family to figure out if she wants to adjust her behavior or choose a life without her son and grandchild in it. My husband would have stopped speaking to his mother until she got her act together because he would never allow anyone to treat me(his wife) with disrespect. His mother knows he won't cut her out of his life so she will continue to play her games.

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2012 11:32:20 GMT -5 littlemermaid said:

Jul 2, 2012 10:34:07 GMT -5 @mavjen said:

Littlemermaid, it's not as simple of a solution as you think it is. MH is no mama's boy and he tells his mom off right then and there, every single time she says or does something stupid. He calls her out and admonishes her for her bad behavior, and he doesn't care if there are other people in the room.

Guess what, his mother doesn't respect MH's wishes. I mean, to a certain point she does because she loves him dearly, but what results is that she acts like the victim and doesn't hold herself responsible for her actions at all. She blames me for her own son being angry with her and then that old bitch saves her vitriol for me the next time she sees me, but tells everyone else how horrible I am and that her son chooses me over her. MH and I know her games, so her manipulative ways have no effect on us.

So, MH is a "real man" and I still have to deal with this crap to a certain extent.

Old people don't change, especially old bitches.

Then maybe she needs some time apart from your family to figure out if she wants to adjust her behavior or choose a life without her son and grandchild in it. My husband would have stopped speaking to his mother until she got her act together because he would never allow anyone to treat me(his wife) with disrespect. His mother knows he won't cut her out of his life so she will continue to play her games.

Bless your heart. It's easy to say how he theoretically would handle this situation vs. actually having to go through with it. Have you guys ever had to really cut your MIL out of your life? You just keep being blinded by that STAR of a husband of yours based on what he says he'd do. I wasn't asking for advice. I just needed to vent and kind of laugh at how some of the craziness that comes out of her mouth. Oh yeah and thanks for the therapy session but I think I'll keep going to my licensed therapist.

[anaps28]

Both your MIL's sound like major PITA, I can't imagine having to deal with that.

Mav your going to need some serious amounts of liquor to handle an entire week. This sounds like how I have psych myself up to be around my SIL, the worst was when I was pregnant and couldn't have my usual drinks when around here, I was literally ready to scream the entire time.

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2012 12:18:38 GMT -5 @mavjen said:

Littlemermaid--Not for nothing, ditzy has her child to consider and not be selfish about the situation. Although I cannot stand my MIL, I would never dream of separating a grandchild from his or her grandparent. Outside of a grandparent commiting a crime against his/her grandchild or something on an egregious, outlandish or extreme level, a child has the right to know their grandparent and have a relationship.

So, if her husband were to cut off his mother, then I would assume it's from all 3 of them (ditzy, Mr. ditzy, and Baby ditzy), right? I think that's all kinds of fucked up.

Listen, I know where you're coming from and on paper, it works. But in practice, it's a lot more complicated. Plus, I'm sure the dynamic of how sons interact with their mothers are all different from each other, on a case-by-case basis. Let's not assume how it works for someone else's husband and his mother when we don't know the backstory and history.

And to be frank, Ditzy sounds like she's been handling her MIL like a champ for the last 10 years. I am not as kind or tolerant or patient. But, I dial it back only because I love MH.

I agree. Just because I have an issue with her, I would never not let DS see her. That not only hurts him but that would also cut FIL out of DS's life and he's just an innocent bystander in the whole situation. The woman won't listen to reason from ANYBODY. Not even her own husband. Do you suggest he divorce her or give her the cold shoulder because he can't get her to come to her senses? Let's face it. The world is full of difficult people but cutting them out of your life is not the fix all solution.

[FormerCityGirl]

Ditzy and Mav, I am so sorry. We haven't seen my MIL in 6 years because she took things to a level where the police had to be involved. It's never simple and you can't take a grandkid away from their grandparents if one of them is just a bystander. Everyone got sucked into DH's MIL's crazy. Nothing is ever cut and dry in these situations. Please feel free to PM me if you need to.

My XMIL was just as much of a peach. On my 1st Thanksgiving engaged to my XH his XGF called while we were "celebrating" at her house. XMIL actually handed the phone over to now XH not telling him who it was. She pulled me away to let me know that XH was on the phone with who she really wanted as a DIL. She was a blast and the reason XH is on at least wife number 3. We didn't make it 6 months and his 2nd wife filed for divorce in under 30 days.

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2012 13:24:01 GMT -5 FormerCityGirl said:

Ditzy and Mav, I am so sorry. We haven't seen my MIL in 6 years because she took things to a level where the police had to be involved. It's never simple and you can't take a grandkid away from their grandparents if one of them is just a bystander. Everyone got sucked into DH's MIL's crazy. Nothing is ever cut and dry in these situations. Please feel free to PM me if you need to.

My XMIL was just as much of a peach. On my 1st Thanksgiving engaged to my XH his XGF called while we were "celebrating" at her house. XMIL actually handed the phone over to now XH not telling him who it was. She pulled me away to let me know that XH was on the phone with who she really wanted as a DIL. She was a blast and the reason XH is on at least wife number 3. We didn't make it 6 months and his 2nd wife filed for divorce in under 30 days.

OMG. Does wife #3 happen to be the one that XMIL wanted to be her DIL? What a peach.

[FormerCityGirl]

Jul 2, 2012 13:37:47 GMT -5 ditzydi said:

Jul 2, 2012 13:24:01 GMT -5 FormerCityGirl said:

Ditzy and Mav, I am so sorry. We haven't seen my MIL in 6 years because she took things to a level where the police had to be involved. It's never simple and you can't take a grandkid away from their grandparents if one of them is just a bystander. Everyone got sucked into DH's MIL's crazy. Nothing is ever cut and dry in these situations. Please feel free to PM me if you need to.

My XMIL was just as much of a peach. On my 1st Thanksgiving engaged to my XH his XGF called while we were "celebrating" at her house. XMIL actually handed the phone over to now XH not telling him who it was. She pulled me away to let me know that XH was on the phone with who she really wanted as a DIL. She was a blast and the reason XH is on at least wife number 3. We didn't make it 6 months and his 2nd wife filed for divorce in under 30 days.

OMG. Does wife #3 happen to be the one that XMIL wanted to be her DIL? What a peach.

No, she's a new one and they have an infant. XH was physically and verbally abusive to me and possibly wife #2 (who he cheated on me with while married). XMIL was on husband number 6 last I knew about 5 years ago and said I deserved the abuse. She also called the police on me when I fought back the day I left. She claimed I abused him. The police offered me restraining orders to cover the family, I really feel bad for his latest since everything always goes south fast with that family.

Please feel free to vent. You are really handling this all like a champ. It really is not simple at all, but you are doing something great for Baby Ditzy.

[FormerCityGirl]

Jul 2, 2012 13:52:51 GMT -5 @mavjen said:

FCG, what a nutjob family, XMIL and XH. I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your MIL.

What is it with older women, man? Does menopause cause women to go fucking mental?

My X's family likes them young. Wife #2 was 19 and XMIL had a 17 year age difference with #5.

Menopause can (I believe, but am not positive) can cause temporary or permanent mental issues in some. That was XMIL's case completely.

You're also more than welcome to vent. We just roll with things around here, but I do know where you and Ditzy are coming from.

[littlemermaid]

Oh but my husband does know what it is to excommunicate his family. He chose to cut his family out of our lives because they were extremely toxic. His therapist had agreed that no happiness would come with staying on "good terms" with people that just wanted to cut you down on a daily basis. So yes I am speaking from experience. Do I feel sorry for my children, no because we are teaching our children that NO ONE should disrespect you and just because someone is a blood relative does not give them an instant spot in our lives.

[mrspost08]

I guess I should shut my mouth about my MIL crazy comments at times. She is nothing compared to Ditzy and Mav MIL. Good lord! You girls deserve a new pencil skirt and bubble necklace weekly from J Crew for putting up with that craziness!

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2012 18:23:17 GMT -5 mrspost08 said:

I guess I should shut my mouth about my MIL crazy comments at times. She is nothing compared to Ditzy and Mav MIL. Good lord! You girls deserve a new pencil skirt and bubble necklace weekly from J Crew for putting up with that craziness!

Ha. I'm always up for some retail therapy. Had a rough day at work? Retail therapy. Stuck in traffic? Retail therapy. It's the best!