does anyone ever have freak out moments about having a kid?

[hokiegirl82]

there have been moments the past few months after finding out i'm pregnant of "holy shit what have i done deciding to get knocked up!" i worry i won't have enough energy to be a good parent, to be productive at work, to not completely curl up in a ball and cry. H and I have had a great kid-free life the past 5 years of marriage and i have fleeting moments of anxiety worrying about messing it up by adding a little person to the mix. this is mainly because i was so against having a kid for so much of my life that deciding to have a kid still feels foreign to me sometimes.

anyone else experience this? i am excited to be having a kid but still have those moments.

[chicago]

Every day. H and I are still shaking our heads sometimes, wondering what we are doing. We are going from buying whatever we want while still saving 40% of our income, taking 2-5 international trips a year, being spontaneous and relatively carefree to having to move to a bigger place (and spending a lot more on housing), saving much less per month, and adding another person and responsibility into the mix. We're excited, but had age and some health stuff not been working against me, we wouldn't have minded waiting a few more years. I think it's got to be a shock to your system no matter when you do it and how ready you are for it.

Eta: I guess I'll put it out there that my biggest fear is that I won't like being a mom. I think I'm fairly naturally maternal and I work in education (high school), but in the deep dark recesses of my mind I worry that I'll hate being a mom 24/7 and there won't be anything I can do about it. God forbid I decided I hated being married to H, we could divorce. The kid is for life and the permanence freaks me out.  I feel awful for even thinking that about my child because a part of me loves her already and I think it's just fear of the unknown/change, but I know I will mourn my child-free life.

[pitterwoo]

oh yes, of course. It's a pretty terrifying thing to change life so completely. We've also been married 5 years and have been very happy with just the two of us.

We wanted to do this and it was planned, but that didn't stop me from crying when I saw those 2 pink lines appear!

I'm half-way now and the closer it gets the more real it seems and we're getting more excited. Now that we know we're having a girl we get to have fun trying on different names and getting used to referring to her.

It is a huge adjustment, so thank goodness we have 9 months+ to get used to it.

[marie3246]

I have felt this way pretty much since the moment we got pregnant. I loved our carefree life and being able to travel pretty much whenever we wanted. I also think I could have been fine without having kids and always thought of something in our distant future, but H really wanted them so we decided to go for it. I don't think I will regret it, but it scares me so much. I have never been much of a kid person and while I always saw kids in my future I never felt that burning need to be a mom. I have very little patience and I worry that I won't be able to do anything right. I also worry how this is going to affect H and I's relationship. Everything is so good right now, I am scared of changing that. Hopefully these feelings go away once she is here.

[sonrisa]

Yes. All the time with my first. I think it is the most rational response to pregnancy. I love being a mom now.

[catsarecute]

Whenever I get caught up in those thoughts (can i do this? Can we afford it? What if life changes too much) I just redirect my thinking into the positive and think about all the great things that come from having a child.
I had this conversation with my mom last night and she said the benefits and good moments so outweigh the hard times.

[dukesilver]

Yep, I think it's totally normal. I was in the same boat, in a wonderful marriage for 5 years, I had never wanted to be a mom until I suddenly changed my mind, etc. I had numerous freak outs during pregnancy. Now, I'm only 2 weeks into this parenting thing, but it is awesome. It is very hard, but I love my little girl so much that it is indescribable.

[piaffe]

Yes I've had two so far during my pregnancy. One was seeing a youngish 10 yr old boy in his moms car listening to headphones on what I assume was a trip to school. I was like OH MY I'm going to have to drive someone to school everyday til whenever.
The second was more just a it's not going to just be me and DH anymore. We are both only children we like our alone time and that's important to me so hopefully someone will allow me to still have that time if I need it.

Sorry on phone

[magdala]

Yes. Will I be able to keep up with the baby as he/she grows? Will I be a good parent? Am I going to screw up my kid? Will I ever get my figure back? Usually these thoughts run through my head in the wee small hours when I am getting up to use the restroom yet again.

[JayhawkGirl]

I vividly remember a "what have we done" panic right before I started pushing with my first.

And I had moments of it during my second pregnancy even. This is after struggling to get pregnant with #1 and full on infertility treatments with #2. This was all well thought out and desperately wanted.

But one look at these kids and it all washes away. Do I linger at Target by myself? Sure. But then I'm glad to get back home to them. Am I a perfect parent? No way. But it's a good life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[sonrisa]

You might like reading the "do you regret having kids" thread today on ML.

[bowies]

So much yes. I've always wanted kids (though in that mystical "future" place) but I don't have much experience with them. That's what freaks me out. What if I don't feed it enough or forget to enroll it in school? Like, I just have no idea what the hell is going on like it seems so many other moms do. I think (hope?) I'll feel better after going to the parenting classes at the hospital.

I think it also helps when I see "non-kid" people having kids and loving it. And when threads like this pop up too so we can all voice our insecurities.

[Yankees21]

Yes. I'm so thrilled and excited to have my son, but it's such a big change, I think it's only natural to have some freakout moments. Ditto reading the "do you regret having kids" thread on ML if you haven't!

[IndiaInk]

Uh yeah. Pretty much every day. I was a lot more freaked out during the TTC process though. I think I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea. I still can't quite believe that the birth center is actually going to send me home with a newborn, though.

[natablue]

All the time. I was on the fence about kids to begin with, and would have happily continued child free. This pregnancy was not planned; if I'm being honest I can't say I was over the moon excited, but I quickly came to peace with what was happening. But I do have moments of panic about how my and dh's lives are going to change. I love my solitude, my relatively carefree life, etc. now I worry about paying for child care, being at someone else's beck and call, and of course, the fact that they are going to send me home from the hospital with a newborn. I'm afraid of making the wrong decisions and I won't be able to balance everything.

[loira]

Jan 4, 2014 18:25:01 GMT -5 hokiegirl82 said:

there have been moments the past few months after finding out i'm pregnant of "holy shit what have i done deciding to get knocked up!" i worry i won't have enough energy to be a good parent, to be productive at work, to not completely curl up in a ball and cry. H and I have had a great kid-free life the past 5 years of marriage and i have fleeting moments of anxiety worrying about messing it up by adding a little person to the mix. this is mainly because i was so against having a kid for so much of my life that deciding to have a kid still feels foreign to me sometimes.

anyone else experience this? i am excited to be having a kid but still have those moments.

This is me in a nutshell. For most of my life I never wanted kids, and it wasn't until things started getting serious with H that I even entertained the possibility. I was never that teenage girl who liked to babysit. I don't make funny faces at babies on the underground. I don't dislike children, I just... don't find them interesting? I don't know how to explain the fact that I now want (and am going to have) one of my own. Maybe there really is a biological clock. But yeah, like you, H and I have had a fantastic kid-free life the past 6 years, and I worry my maternal instincts will never kick in, and what if I don't love it enough? What if I resent it for taking away some of our freedom, or what if it affects my career? I still feel like I have more in common with my friends who decided not to have kids than with my friends who did.

[runblondie26]

Yep, totally normal!

With my first I'd randomly burst into tears driving to or from work wondering how I was going to do it all with a kid (you figure it all out when the time comes though). I was glad I went a over a week overdue because I felt like I always had "one more thing to do" before the baby arrived.

I never really felt that way with my second. Of course it took me 4 years to work up the courage to TTC again, lol.