Moms of 2+: Did DH stay overnight in hospital?

[humanzee]

For those of you with 2 or more kids, did DH stay in the hospital with you with your second (or third or fourth..) baby, or go home to stay with your older kids after you gave birth? 

I am due in March with Baby #2.  My older son will be 18 months.  We don't have family that can come stay with him while I'm in the hospital (or that can come help me in the hospital).  I'm thinking DH will be with my son in the evenings, then be at the hospital when my son's at daycare.  I don't want to mess with my son's schedule too much, but I'm also stressed about the fact that our hospital strongly encourages rooming in, and 12 hours of overnight newborn care by myself after a c-section sounds daunting right now.  If I have to be in the hospital on the weekend, my son's daycare teacher is going to watch him during the day, so at least that's covered! 

And don't even get me started on what we're going to do if I go into labor unexpectedly in the middle of the night before my scheduled C-section.  I get anxious just thinking about it.

So how did you do it?  I am so jealous of people with family who can help out!

[h]

Yes, he stayed. Our best friends stayed with our younger kid(s) until our family arrived from out of town.

[Deleted]

I'm due next Month. Our kid is going to Grandma's but I'm sending H home at night. Toddler needs the love and time and that way he can bring her back in the morning to visit.

And honestly, after the 1st two hospital stays with my other kids H and I both about killed each other. We were both exhausted, hungry, crabby and looked like hell. We both just wanted out. This time I figure one of us might as well go home and get some rest.

Our hospital will gladly take a baby overnight in the nursery/help out so I can sleep if I'm not up for rooming in, so that makes me more okay with it.

[rootbeerfloat]

We planned for him to stay with me. I had repeat c/s on a Friday, and DS stayed with my parents over the weekend. But H got sick, and the hospital sent him home, so I ended up alone the first two nights. I sent DD to the nursery for long periods of time the first night, but the second night (when I was able to get up on my own for diaper changes, etc) I mostly kept her with me and buzzed the nurses for help. The newborn care wasn't too bad since my recovery was smooth, but honestly, I was kind of lonely.

[redpenmama]

DS was born in the middle of the night, so H was obviously there on night 1. He stayed at home the other nights -- I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for DD and didn't really need him in the hospital anyway.

[cinco]

DH stayed with me. If I didn't have family nearby I would have sent DS/DD2 to the nursery for a few hours. Babies are supposed to room in, but they will take them in this situation.

[oliviapope]

Yes, he did both times (c-sections) and my last was last month. I would not have been able to do it myself at all. The nurses are busy and cannot come immediately sometimes, and I couldn't get out of bed (due to spinal) for the first 12 hours. Even after that it took me a while to get up, and it was painful.

It was better the second day, but the first was rough. I would definitely have someone care for your child. You never know what could happen, and it would be better to be prepared than scrambling.

[jena]

My mom flew in for kid2. Dh went home once for a nap and helped a bit with DD. For kid3 my dad came over because dd1 had school and we weren't in the hospital but one night after she was born.

You have a few months, why not look for a sitter you can trust and who is willing to be that midnight backup person? Maybe the daycare teacher would do it and take him to daycare if needed. Or at the very least a neighbor who is willing to just come sleep over until your dh can get home even if that means leaving you alone at the hospital.

I ended up needing a midnight babysitter and waiting for an hour for my dad to wake up and drive across town sucked.

[Deleted]

I only have one but she was a C-Section. I do not think I could have cared for myself the first couple of nights. Can you fly in a family member to help given you have a scheduled date?

[Deleted]

I am due in June and he is going to have to stay, since I'll be having a c section and it's one of those hospitals without a nursery, so I'll need help with the baby at night. Not sure whet we will do for DS yet.

[AmyRI]

Yes he stayed. DS was staying at a friend's house. He was 20 months. We were only there 1 night, though. 2 if you count dropping him off at 4am on the way to the hospital after my water broke.

[litebright]

Ha. I DID go into labor in the MOTN two days before my scheduled version and/or c/s (DD2 was breech). And we didn't schedule that until a full week before my due date, so she ended up being 8 days early. 

We have no family in-state. My mom was in the midst of a cross-country drive from OH to CO, planning to arrive a day before the scheduled appointment -- we thought that was plenty of time but were wrong. Luckily, we had asked some friends to be our back-up plan and they came at 11 p.m. at night and crashed at our place to stay with 27-month-old DD1 (asleep at that point, naturally) while DH and I headed to the hospital. 

DD2 was born via c/s several hours later, and DH stayed until about 6 a.m. and then headed home so he could be there when DD1 woke up. My mom arrived later that day and so the two of them were able to switch on & off with being with me and being with DD1 at home. 

I relied on the nurses so much more than my first birth (vaginal, DH there 100% of the hospital time). By the time I got home on day 3, I was still in quite a lot of pain and it was good to have both of them around because I needed the help. 

ETA: Clarity

[mainelyfoolish]

Yes, my DH stayed with me but we had family to take care of DD.

If your DH has to be at home with the older child at night, I would have no trouble asking the nurses to take the baby for a few hours overnight so you can rest. Rooming-in doesn't mean no one will help you when you need it.

[robot]

Yes he stayed in the hospital. We do not have local family either - they flew in about 36 hrs later. DD1 stayed with our neighbors. We had three additional backups available - friends from daycare and also a coworker, willing to take her middle of the night if needed. I was nervous about finding someone willing to help, but I found that people were very willing to help out. I think you want a plan in place in case you do go into labor ahead of time - and keep in mind second labor scan go faster...mine was no joke.. So make sure it's a plan where you can drop off quickly if needed. DH could have gone home the next night if needed, but it was nice having him in hence hospital and by then my family was arriving at our house to watch dd1.

[IrishBelle]

DH stayed both nights and DD was at my mom's.

I wasn't able to get out of bed the first night and still had the catheter in. DH had to bring DD to me to feed her, change her diaper, etc. I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own.

[dragonfly08]

We do not have local family. I had a scheduled induction for several reasons, and this allowed my MIL to be here with #1 so that DH did have some flexibility in coming/going. But at night I sent him home...I wanted him there to put DD to bed and be there when she woke up.

The hospital encouraged rooming in as much as possible, but it was no problem to send the baby to the nursery so I could grab some sleep. They just brought her to me if she needed to be fed, and when I was ready, I rang for a nurse to take her back.

[Deleted]

He did not stay the first night because we had both been up for 36+ hours and he had to work over 12 hours the next day so he needed to go home to sleep/shower/etc. In a perfect world, I would have preferred he stay with me, but if you can't get childcare for your son, the nurses aren't going to let you crash and burn. They will help you with your baby-- esp knowing you've just had a c-section!

ETA: my hospital also encouraged rooming in, but I sent DD to the nursery bc I couldn't rest otherwise. They brought her to me when she needed to nurse and it was fine. 

[DarcyLongfellow]

Yes, he stayed with me. DD1 was at my in laws' house. DH was at the hospital almost the whole time. He left for 4-5 hours on the second day to go visit DD1 who had gotten sick and couldn't come visit the hospital.

I sent the baby to the nursery both times. My hospital doesn't actually have a nursery, but they'll take the baby up to the nurses station so you can sleep. They bring them back to nurse or if they won't settle/sleep.

I noticed with a second baby, the nurses pretty much assume you know what you're doing and leave you alone. Dnt be afraid to ask them for help if you need it!

[bunch]

Yes. Since baby refused to sleep unless she was held it was essential. Dd stayed with her grandparents and had a blast.

[humanzee]

Thanks for the responses. I'm going to start discussing a middle of the night backup plan with DH, and I'm not going to be so worried about sending the baby to the nursery if I need to. Thanks!

[anna7602]

I have zero game plan for when LO #2 arrives this summer. DH only stayed overnight with me 1 night when DD was born and that was because there was no room to move me to. We slept in the delivery room. When I moved to a regular room the next day, it was shared and DH went home. 

I guess I will have a neighbor come over to watch DD if I go into labor in the middle of the night, but only if my contractions are super close together. I can't imagine running off to the hospital at the first sign of labor. 

[anna7602]

Jan 6, 2014 19:51:07 GMT -5 DarcyLongfellow said:

I sent the baby to the nursery both times. My hospital doesn't actually have a nursery, but they'll take the baby up to the nurses station so you can sleep. They bring them back to nurse or if they won't settle/sleep.

DD slept nearly the entire time we were in the hospital. The nurses had to come in and wake us both up during the night so I could nurse her. Of course, once I brought her home, she was ready to scream and be awake at all hours. I kind of miss those peaceful first 36 hours or so.

[barefootcontessa]

No, but I was at a hospital with GREAT nursing care and did not need his help (also repeat c-s here). I would talk to the nursing staff when you check in about sending your baby to the nursery. I pretty much nursed and then sent the baby back. I know not everyone would want to do that but I had to recover quickly as we have no family help and other small kids to care for.

[greekypie]

He stayed the entire time I was in the hospital. My parents were with DS.

[dcrunnergirl52]

No, he didn't stay with me at all except sort of the first night. DS2 was born at 1am and I didn't get up to my room until 3:30am, so he stayed that night. The next 2 nights, he picked up the kids and went home with them. It was actually really nice. I got to have cuddle time alone with DS2, eat dinner in peace, etc. It was a little like being at an all-inclusive resort by myself. (It helped that the nurses encouraged me to send DS2 to the nursery all night so I could recover.)

[mlvmd]

If (big huge if) we have another I will ask him to stay at least one night. I'll have a repeat c-section and the baby rooms with mom so it's nice to have an extra pair of hands to get the baby for feeding, holding, etc. DS had jaundice so we had to do three hour shifts for 24 hours taking turns, holding his hands so he wouldn't rip off his goggles under the lights. That was rough right after surgery. I hope we don't go through that again. I might have my mom and DH switch off I have to stay more than 2 days.

[bunch]

Just to add, my hospital doesn't offer a nursery and a nurse warned that some supervisors won't let them keep babies at the nurses' station, so I'd check on that.

[turtlegirl]

SH stayed the whole time with me for #2. But we are very lucky that both sets of grandparents live close and DS1 stayed with each of them for the time we were in the hospital. DS1 was 20 months at the time.

[ilikedonuts]

DH stayed the entire time. My mom watched our daughter and stayed with her at our house at night and brought her to her house during the day (she lives a half a mile from the hospital).

[zeewifeandmama]

Nope. I leaned on my nursing staff but, it wasn't as nice as having MH there with me. It's a long emotional story. I still can't really talk about it.