Flameful Thoughts

[annyong]

Oh, this makes me really sad.

[cleo29]

That's sad. Could you say something "jokingly" after she makes a comment about worrying about the baby's health?

This is a tough situation.

[Deleted]

I'm not sure that I agree with you in the generalized sense--I personally would like to see more of the "use your head" approach and less militant condemnation of pregnant women's behaviors. But that said, I think the vast majority of people can't practice moderation when it comes to alcohol consumption, and that's why it feels like all or nothing are the only two options during pregnancy. Better off going with nothing if you can't find the medium point, I agree.

[Deleted]

Oh wow. I like to think I'd say something but then again I haven't said anything to my friend who works in the nightclub breathing in second hand smoke for eight hours a night. Perhaps that's flameful itself.

[papie]

See, I see no issue with someone having 1 or 2 drinks every day while pregnant. I think we are way too paranoid in north america about this. Not something I would do, but nbd imo.

Now if she was getting drunk, that would be different.

[peachykate]

I am not even sure what I would say in that situation. Most likely nothing at all but I would want to jokingly say something like "wow, which doctor do you see that let's you have multiple drinks per day."

I can't reign in my bitchy feelings today. Well, I have. I went to post and delete more than once today so I am at least partially reigning it in. I should probably pick up some wine before I go home.

[miss1991]

May 14, 2012 12:47:50 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

I have a friend who drinks more than she probably should while pregnant. It isn't any of my business so I don't say anything but it makes me sad. I know she is concerned about the health of the child because she talks about it in other ways. However, she still drinks a glass, or two, or a third of a bottle of wine each day. I hope the baby is alright but I'm getting worried - for both of them.

I think we are taking "it's okay to drink a little while pregnant" too far as a country and some people get the wrong idea. I heard "go ahead and have a drink" more often when pregnant (when I wasn't drinking) than just no comment or "cutting back isn't such a bad idea."

I agree with this! I have never been told by any doctor that it is was ok to drink while pregnant. Not even once a week. I have heard this also it's ok if it is a sip here and there, they do it in Europe and alway's have and I guess that make's it ok?

[bcv513]

Ugh that sucks. I have two teenage cousins who have learning and behavioural issues that most likely stem from my aunt's wine habit. I would have a hard time keeping my mouth shut.

[peachykate]

In European countries, how many alcoholic drinks do they say per day is ok to have while pregnant?

[miss1991]

May 14, 2012 12:51:20 GMT -5 @missusbee said:

I'm not sure that I agree with you in the generalized sense--I personally would like to see more of the "use your head" approach and less militant condemnation of pregnant women's behaviors. But that said, I think the vast majority of people can't practice moderation when it comes to alcohol consumption, and that's why it feels like all or nothing are the only two options during pregnancy. Better off going with nothing if you can't find the medium point, I agree.

You are right most people cannot practice moderation.

[angelaa73]

I have no idea what I'd say in that situation but I'd definitely say something. something like, bitch slow down, i don't think your baby signed up for a 10month pub crawl!
no j/k

[hubes]

I think I would have a hard time not saying anything. She's fucking her kid up.

Most parents I know try not to do that.

[papie]

May 14, 2012 12:56:04 GMT -5 peachykate said:

In European countries, how many alcoholic drinks do they say per day is ok to have while pregnant?

Well, it obviously varies per country, but my BFF had her first child in Switzerland and was told by the nurse at her first appt "no more than one drink a day" and later her doctor said "no more than one drink a week". Like a good canadian girl, she had no drinks at all, lol.

I see it as a very personal decision, and I don't judge unless they get smashed.

[Deleted]

Hmmm. That is a tough one.

Like PP said though... Don't other countries/cultures think it is the norm for women to be drinking throughout the entire pregnancy? I will admit, I know very little about this, and I did not drink at all throughout my own pregnancy, but I have heard that americans tend to be uptight about this. If she isn't getting drunk...

[Deleted]

Dup

[papie]

May 14, 2012 13:00:11 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

May 14, 2012 12:51:20 GMT -5 @missusbee said:

I'm not sure that I agree with you in the generalized sense--I personally would like to see more of the "use your head" approach and less militant condemnation of pregnant women's behaviors.

I think there is a big gap between condemnation and saying "oh, go ahead and have a drink" to a pregnant woman who orders a lemonade. That is also unsupportive and frankly counter productive. Or my first OB who said "just keep drinking like you did before you got pregnant. (Split a bottle of wine a night? Yeah, that's a great idea).

Well, I don't know where you live, but I haven't heard anyone giving pregnant women breaks about this, more the "OMG, you are DRINKING?" the second your lips touch the glass.

and lol, your OB probably didn'T think it was a good idea even when not pregnant to split a bottle every night. So when he said just keep going, he probably meant have ONE drink.

[Deleted]

May 14, 2012 13:00:11 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

May 14, 2012 12:51:20 GMT -5 @missusbee said:

I'm not sure that I agree with you in the generalized sense--I personally would like to see more of the "use your head" approach and less militant condemnation of pregnant women's behaviors.

I think there is a big gap between condemnation and saying "oh, go ahead and have a drink" to a pregnant woman who orders a lemonade. That is also unsupportive and frankly counter productive. Or my first OB who said "just keep drinking like you did before you got pregnant. (Split a bottle of wine a night? Yeah, that's a great idea).

No, I agree. I think what I was trying to say is that I don't think that permissive attitude is as widespread as you believe it is. But then I'm surrounded by pregnant women and doctors who won't let you eat turkey sandwiches. To me, the restrictiveness is far more prevalent than anything else.

[littleboyblue]

May 14, 2012 12:56:44 GMT -5 @kizmet said:

eta: Oops...I'm going to go in a difference direction.

I'm having a really hard time holding my tongue on my friend's FB page. She posted that she doesn't like being addressed as Mrs. Husband's FirstName Lastname. (Like Mrs. Joseph Peterson instead of Mrs. Janet Peterson.) She married someone from India who comes from a very traditional family and someone else (who is Indian) posted that "It is pride in our culture" or something like that and basically dismissed her feelings. It rubbed me the wrong way. I get there may be a cultural difference but it *is* a very antiquated way to address women. I kept my mouth shut (mostly) because I don't know the guy and I'm not sure what I say could ever change his mind. Blah. Whatever. I'm over it now. :-) Thanks for letting me vent.

Most Indian couples that I know actually combined there last names to form a new family name. I've been told that is common practice. I thought addressing the woman by Mrs. Husbands First Name/Last Name was more older US/British.

[lemondrop]

May 14, 2012 12:58:48 GMT -5 papie said:

May 14, 2012 12:56:04 GMT -5 peachykate said:

In European countries, how many alcoholic drinks do they say per day is ok to have while pregnant?

Well, it obviously varies per country, but my BFF had her first child in Switzerland and was told by the nurse at her first appt "no more than one drink a day" and later her doctor said "no more than one drink a week". Like a good canadian girl, she had no drinks at all, lol.

I see it as a very personal decision, and I don't judge unless they get smashed.

I agree that it's a personal decision. I was way too nervous that I'd fuck up my child. I had two drinks the night before I POAS, and I was wracked with guilt for weeks about it. After that, I only had one sip of wine because I didn't know if I'd be able to put the glass down, which is weird because I don't/didn't have a drinking problem.

[littleboyblue]

There was a study done in the UK when I was pregnant that actually showed increased cognitive ability in infants in toddlers where the mother drank 3-5 oz of wine twice a week. I know there are tons of other factors to consider when looking at studies like these (moderate wine drinkers tend to be in a higher socio-economic class, eductated, etc.). I just remember it being very interesting and helped to alleviate my fears a bit. If I can find it again, I'll post the link.

[cheesierthanchedda]

We are TTC. My period is due at the end of this week. But we're going on a big trip with a rowdy group of friends next Wed. Even if my period hasn't shown up I'm waiting until I get back from that trip to test.

[peachykate]

A glass of port or wine twice a week, which is maybe 8 oz total and 6-8 oz of wine a night are two totally different things IMO.

Isn't the issue with drinking is that they truly have no idea what the safe limit is before you have to worry about fetal alcohol syndrome issues?

[Deleted]

May 14, 2012 13:19:53 GMT -5 peachykate said:

Isn't the issue with drinking is that they truly have no idea what the safe limit is before you have to worry about fetal alcohol syndrome issues?

Yeah. There are no studies to prove/disprove an impact of alcohol on the fetus. Our only evidence that alcohol causes FAS is from heavy drinkers who continue throughout pregnancy and report it after the babies are born---there is no way to do a controlled study on light or moderate drinking.

[littleboyblue]

news.discovery.com/human/alcohol-drinking-pregnant-women.html

I gave this a quick read. It references the study I was thinking of.

[papie]

May 14, 2012 13:23:00 GMT -5 @missusbee said:

May 14, 2012 13:19:53 GMT -5 peachykate said:

Isn't the issue with drinking is that they truly have no idea what the safe limit is before you have to worry about fetal alcohol syndrome issues?

Yeah. There are no studies to prove/disprove an impact of alcohol on the fetus. Our only evidence that alcohol causes FAS is from heavy drinkers who continue throughout pregnancy and report it after the babies are born---there is no way to do a controlled study on light or moderate drinking.

Exacty. They don't know because for obvious ethical reasons, they can't do a full experimental study where they'd ask a group of pregnant women to drink and then compare with a control group. So all they know is what the mother admits to once they figure out the baby has FAS.
But that doesn't mean that drinking a bit is dangerous, just that doctors wouldn't recommand it for fear of litigation.

[eddy]

I loved every bit of my glass if wine yesterday. And really wanted another one.
three more weeks
I feel like such a lush because all I talk about anymore is when I get to booze again lol.
That is all I have to add to this thread.
I am a moderation is key type person and take a laid back approach to eating/drinking during pregnancy. In the third tri I probably have a glass every other week and I feel very comfortable with that.

[Deleted]

May 14, 2012 13:19:06 GMT -5 cheesierthanchedda said:

We are TTC. My period is due at the end of this week. But we're going on a big trip with a rowdy group of friends next Wed. Even if my period hasn't shown up I'm waiting until I get back from that trip to test.

As you should. Enjoy.

[fuckyourcouch]

I know a lady who refused any alcohol while pregnant, but smoked off and on until probably 6 months in. I side-eyed her all the time and commented on it more than once, and she actually said her doctor told her it was okay because "it would cause more stress to her to try to quit."

.......right.

[scotty]

I used to be really freaked out about any drinking, but I keep reading good things about a little red wine. Hey, if Gwyneth Paltrow did it, it must be okay.

[KKD]

May 14, 2012 12:51:20 GMT -5 @missusbee said:

But that said, I think the vast majority of people can't practice moderation when it comes to alcohol consumption, and that's why it feels like all or nothing are the only two options during pregnancy. Better off going with nothing if you can't find the medium point, I agree.

The only time I seriously considered drinking while pregnant was during the four weddings we attended while I was pregnant with Emily. There were two things that stopped me: 1) the judgmental looks I knew I'd get from other guests, and 2) the realization that one glass of champagne wouldn't be enough.