Friend's Miscarriage

[winnied]

Our friends lost their baby today around 10 weeks. Anything I can do to help? His mom is coming into town to help with their daughter and cook/clean. I want to be thoughtful but not another burden. I was thinking of a card and muffins? Flowers? I know not to say "Oh, you'll have another baby" or "It's God's will" type stuff but otherwise I'm not sure. 

[xokell2]

A nice card and a GC for takeout

[pamela]

If she's a card type, that might be nice. Or flowers ("happy", not funeral-ish), chocolate, indulgent type things, etc would be thoughtful. If you're close, offer to be there if she wants to talk.

Honestly, none of mine were that bad. Even my ectopics I was back up in a few days. The emotional pain is what's so hard to give suggestions for because everyone responds so differently. What would make me "feel better" (I put it in quotes because nothing will, but something might temporarily cheer someone up) could be completely different than another. I like distraction and I'm not sentimental. I don't want sentimental things. I would like to go out for cocktails with a girlfriend though since I couldn't drink while pregnant.

[halfpint]

Everyone is going to be different here, but for me, I wouldn't have wanted anything hanging around to remind me - like flowers, or some kind of memorial. My MIL bought us a frame with little angel babies and some kind of memorial message on it. It was awful for me.

Kind words, an offer to talk if she wants to, and maybe an indulgent little something if you want - Starbucks gift card, chocolate, takeout gift card. I wanted to be a shut in and feel sorry for myself for several days after the fact. I probably could have done it for a week, but had to get back to work. Something to help her to be kind to herself would be nice.

[krisandgrace]

A friend of mine had a miscarriage a few months ago, I sent her a care package with a couple of magazines, tea, a fun nail polish and some chocolate. With it I sent a card saying I was thinking of her. She told me later that it ment a lot to her. 

[azurely]

A card and some muffins or a gc for dinner is nice. Don't push to visit though, she may not be up for visitors.

[aspentosh]

When I miscarried I didn't really want anyone to fuss over it. I was fine with no acknowledgement and thankfully that's what I got.

Others may be different though.

[magdala]

Offer to sit with the older child if/when she is going to any grief counseling appointments.

[skib]

Jan 13, 2014 17:44:41 GMT -5 xokell2 said:

A nice card and a GC for takeout

This. I'd mail it because she may not be up to seeing people.

[dexteroni]

Muffins or another comfort food are great. I don't know that I would go with chocolates; they seem a bit celebratory to me. Think of food you would sent for a funeral, not a congratulatory gift.

The card can just say how sorry you are for their loss and that you're thinking of them. It's generic, but there is really nothing specific to a miscarriage that is great to put in a card. A surprising number of people told me that they had had one, which made me feel less alone, but those were all either in person or over the phone. It would be super weird to write that out in a card IMO. And some people will absolutely not want to hear that kind of thing at all.

I wouldn't have wanted flowers, or anything to memorialize it, but some people would want or at least be ok with that. That's why it's tricky, and IMO, best to avoid unless you know for sure that they would want them.

[winnied]

Thanks, everyone. H and I picked up card and flowers and stopped by. They seemed happy to have someone there and asked if we were still willing to bring dinner tomorrow. We'll bring them dinner and we of course let them know we're here if they need anything.

[zarapipe]

I really think anything you do or give will really be appreciated. That is very sweet of you.